Keep the Peace: Rabbi Ovadia Yosef’s Advice for Growing in Judaism

A touching message from the late Maran Harav Ovadia Yosef: keep peace in your home (shalom bayit) above all else.

In his sefer (Torah book) Anaf Etz Avot (page 45), Rabbi Ovadia Yosef addressed the growing number of Jews who have returned to a life of Torah and mitzvot (commandments) in recent generations.

“In our time, thank God, many have returned with all their hearts to Torah, mitzvot, and good deeds,” he wrote warmly.

But he then addressed a common and painful challenge: the damage that can happen when people become overly strict in their observance, especially when it’s driven by excitement rather than understanding.

“Some become very extreme, going from one end to the other. Because they lack proper Torah knowledge, their extra strict behaviors end up hurting the peace in their homes. This is especially true when they haven’t had time to learn halacha (Jewish law) properly, and still act in overly strict ways,” Rabbi Ovadia wrote, with clear concern.

“This is not the way,” he added. “That’s why we pray: ‘Return us, our Father, to Your Torah, and bring us near, our King, to Your service, and return us in complete repentance before You.’ Only through Torah learning and understanding halacha can a person truly act with wisdom and live in peace and righteousness.”

To bring this idea to life, Rabbi Ovadia told a powerful story that took place in the Beit Din (Jewish court) of the Rebbe of Apta, Rabbi Avraham Yehoshua Heschel.

“After Passover, a man came to the Rebbe asking to divorce his wife. The Rebbe asked, ‘Why do you want a divorce?’ and the man answered, ‘Because my wife gave me gebrokts (soaked matzah) during Pesach, against my family’s tradition.’”

The Rebbe immediately called in his own wife, the Rebbetzin, and asked her in front of the man: “Tell me truthfully, what kind of matzah did you give me at the Seder?” The Rebbetzin hesitated. She was afraid to answer.

“Don’t be afraid,” the Rebbe reassured her gently. “Just tell me the truth.”

The Rebbetzin gently explained: “I had put aside special handmade shmura matzah—matzah prepared for the sake of the mitzvah, for you, wrapped in a cloth in the cabinet. But as I was getting ready for the Seder, a poor man came to the door. One of our family members, not realizing the matzah was for you, gave it to the poor man.”

“When I saw the matzah was missing, I didn’t know what to do. I was scared to tell you, so I took regular matzah, placed it in the same cloth, and said nothing. And you led the Seder with that simple matzah.”

The Rebbe turned to the man seeking divorce and said with deep feeling: “Look at me, I ate regular matzah on Seder night and pretended not to notice. I didn’t get angry. I didn’t react harshly. I did it all for the sake of shalom bayit, peace in the home.”

“And you want to divorce your wife over a custom? Gebrokts isn’t even a matter of law.”

The Rebbe made peace between the couple. They reconciled and went home together in peace.

Maran Rabbi Ovadia Yosef concluded the story with a clear message: Torah wisdom teaches us the proper priorities and peace in the home must come first.