When Disagreements Turn Dangerous: A Jewish Warning Against Controversy

The great Torah leaders of every generation have taught us to flee from machloket (controversy and quarrels), just as one would run from a fire raging in a field of thorns. Their words weren’t just theory; they came from deep understanding of the harm such arguments can bring.

1. The Chofetz Chaim, one of the greatest rabbinic leaders of modern times, was known for his deep fear of machloket. Whenever an argument began in the town of Radin, and he sensed that it could lead to strife or division, he would quietly leave town. He didn't return until things calmed down. Even though he had no part in the argument, he didn’t want to be near such negative energy. He believed that even standing close to a quarrel could be spiritually harmful.

2. Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Auerbach, another scholar in Torah wisdom, once said to someone who found themselves stuck in an unwanted dispute, “Know this: no Jew has ever lost out by backing down from a controversy.” In other words, choosing peace never leads to regret.

3. Rabbi Ben Zion Abba Shaul gave similar advice when someone came to ask him about a difficult halachic (Jewish legal) issue, one that was being used by some people to start a fight. The man insisted his question was “innocent,” but Rabbi Ben Zion saw the deeper issue. He told him, “In the halachic matter, whichever way you go, you can rely on proper Torah sources. But when it comes to keeping a fight going there’s no source in all of Torah that supports that.”

4. Even Rambam (Maimonides), in a personal ethical letter to his son, Rabbi Avraham, wrote strong warnings against controversy:
   “Don’t defile yourself with controversy, it consumes your body, soul, and wealth. What’s left after that? I’ve seen children turn gray, honorable people fall, entire families destroyed, towns shattered, and good people ruined, all because of fighting. Even the prophets, wise men, and philosophers could not fully describe the damage of machloket. So hate it, flee from it, stay far from those who love to argue. Even if they’re your own relatives distance yourself, or you could be dragged down with them.”

5. Rabbi Elimelech Biderman once shared a chilling story that happened in a small town in Poland. The town needed a new shochet, a ritual slaughterer for kosher meat. They searched carefully and narrowed it down to two candidates. Both were respected, deeply spiritual and devoted men who had always been good friends. But once the decision came down to choosing one over the other, the yetzer hara (evil inclination) began to work.

People in the town took sides. Groups formed around each candidate, and soon the calm town was filled with heated debates. The fire of machloket began to spread. One of the candidates, a student of the great tzaddik (righteous man) known as the “Sifsei Tzaddik” of Piltz, wrote to his teacher, explaining the situation. He asked, “What should I do?”

The tzaddik answered with strong words: “Controversy is like fire. And from fire you run. Lift your feet and leave that place.”

But before the letter reached the shochet, it was intercepted by one of his supporters, someone who didn’t want him to step down or leave. That person chose not to give him the letter. The shochet stayed in the town. The fighting continued. And then the unimaginable happened.

Just one week later, the shochet, the one who had reached out for guidance suddenly passed away. And he wasn’t the only one. Over the next short period, several other people who had stirred up the controversy also died. The community was in shock. A deep fear and awe spread through the town. People saw with their own eyes just how far the flames of machloket can reach.

Eventually, the letter from the Sifsei Tzaddik came to light. The truth was revealed that the teacher had warned his student to flee, but someone had hidden that advice. For years after, the shochet’s family struggled to forgive the supporter who had kept the letter from reaching him. They believed that this choice led to their father’s early death.

It’s a painful story. But it teaches a powerful lesson: no matter how right we think we are, no good ever comes from a fight. Our sages, who deeply understood the soul and the power of peace, begged us to flee from machloket at all costs. Whether in a synagogue, a family, or a community, when things begin to heat up, sometimes the wisest and holiest thing we can do… is to walk away.