Why Do We Hold a Memorial Every Year?

Question: What is the purpose of a memorial service held on the anniversary of a parent's passing?

Answer:
When a person leaves this world, they are judged for everything they did in their lifetime. All the worldly achievements fall away and the only thing that truly remains is the soul and the spiritual legacy they left behind.

On the seventh day after passing, the soul undergoes a more detailed judgment. That’s why many families hold a memorial gathering then to arouse Heavenly mercy and bring merit to the soul. The same applies to the thirtieth day, when the judgment becomes even deeper.

Each year, on the anniversary of the person’s passing (the yahrtzeit), there is another judgment but it’s different. The soul is shown the fruits of what they left behind. If their children are continuing in their path, doing mitzvot, learning Torah, or even supporting Torah institutions that they contributed to, the soul is uplifted higher in the World to Come.

That’s why many people make the effort to organize a memorial service every year. Torah study, blessings, and acts of kindness done in memory of the departed bring great merit to their soul.

Now, let’s recall a powerful true story that happened just about three weeks ago.

Rabbi Ofer Amar, a resident of Petach Tikva, had studied at Midreshiyat Noam in Pardes Chana nearly forty years ago. Back then, he had a close friend who was religious like him. But as the years went by, they each went their own way. Rabbi Ofer remained a Torah-observant Jew and built a home of yirat shamayim (fear of Heaven). His friend, on the other hand, completely left religious life along with all his brothers. They became successful in their careers, and this friend even became the campaign manager for one of the most secular political parties in Israel.

Since finishing their studies at the midrasha, the two hadn’t been in touch at all.

Then, just a few days ago, Rabbi Ofer had a strange dream. In the dream, he found himself at a memorial service for his old friend’s mother. And not only that, he saw the friend’s mother herself, standing at the memorial. She looked deeply upset and was clearly complaining about how her sons were treating her memorial. Then Rabbi Ofer woke up.

He was disturbed. This wasn’t something that happened to him often and he wasn’t someone who paid much attention to dreams. But this one felt different. Should he just brush it off? Or could it be some kind of message?

In the end, he decided to track down his old friend. He searched until he found a phone number and sent a message describing the dream exactly as he had seen it.

A few minutes later, his friend called shocked.

“Ofer,” he asked, “are you serious? You really had this dream?”

“Yes,” Rabbi Ofer replied. “Exactly as I told you.”

The friend asked, “Have you been thinking about me recently? Did someone tell you about what’s going on with me?”

“No,” Rabbi Ofer said. “I haven’t heard anything about you in decades.”

The friend was silent for a moment. Then he said:

“You need to know something. My mother passed away two years and five days ago. Before she died, she turned to my brother and me and said, ‘I know that neither of you are religious anymore. But I want you to know if there really is a next world, and if souls live on, I will try to send you a sign after I’m gone.’

“She passed away a few days later. And just five days ago, we held a memorial service to mark the two-year anniversary of her passing. At that event, I stood up and told the family: ‘Remember how Mom said she’d give us a sign if there’s really a world after this one? Well, it’s been two years and nothing’s happened. Clearly there’s no such thing as a soul. So tonight, we’re not going to say Psalms or learn Mishnah for her. We’ll just eat, drink, and go on with our lives.’”

The man paused, his voice trembling. “And now… you’re telling me that five days after that, you dreamed about her angry and hurt over the way we treated her memorial? Now I understand, she did send a sign. Through you.”

Needless to say, the entire family was shaken to the core. Hashem had answered their doubt in a way they couldn’t deny.

May this story awaken us all to the power of the soul and the importance of honoring our parents even after their time in this world has ended.