Eyes as Windows of the Soul: Understanding Gaze, Body Language and Childhood Play

We sat on the grass, nine-year-old kids. One of the boys suggested, “Let’s play ‘Who Blinks First!’ ” The game began: two of the kids sat facing each other and locked eyes. A long minute passed while the others sat around watching the contestants, tense to see who would win. Suddenly the group burst into cheers — the game ended with one of the competitors victorious.

Many remember this childhood pastime but don’t always consider what it really means. What did the kids mean by “Who Blinks First”? Who actually won — and why?

Children remain closer than adults to their spiritual root, which is why they play and react in ways that reveal depths many adults have lost. For example, children fear the dark and adults reassure them there’s nothing to fear. We adults are in fact afraid as well, but children express that truth openly. The Sages teach us about the secret of darkness which represents concealment and disappearance, and is a source of both physical and spiritual danger. A child, being nearer to his Creator (having been born more recently), responds honestly without “doing the math” for those around him — he simply fears the dark. Children cry out “Mom” or “Dad” when distressed, and parents tend to wait for that phase to pass, for the child to “grow out of it.” In fact, that cry is an expression of the inner truth with which the child was born — an instinctive reaching toward the One to whom he will ultimately return.

The staring game children play carries an inner meaning embedded in the human soul.

The eyes — windows of the soul

The Hebrew word for “eye” teaches that the eye is like a spring that reveals a person’s inner life. “Eye” (ayin) shares a root with “spring” (ma’ayan). Eliezer, Avraham’s servant, recognized Rivka by “the eye,” by the spring. The eye is not only a functional tool to orient oneself in space but a primary expressive organ — a flowing spring. The eye can communicate without words emotions of joy, sorrow, excitement, fear, yearning, love and more.

Hands express a person’s will — feelings translated into action — whereas the eyes express the movements of the soul, the unpolished interior, the inner truth. This differs from hands or speech, which usually present a person according to choice and intent. This subject — the meaning of the eye — is vast and deep and even connects to the believed power of the eye to affect reality (the “evil eye”).

Eating with the eyes

The person’s inner life that shines through his eyes — whether a joyful, wise, questioning or, heaven forbid, sorrowful gaze — is formed over years of upbringing and life experience.

A person absorbs countless impressions through the eyes; those impressions join his “spring,” his eye, his gaze. From this develops the way he perceives, judges and studies (the Hebrew word for “investigation” shares a root with “eye” and “spring”) matters in adulthood.

Viewed superficially, the eyes seem to be mere instruments that transfer visual information from outside to inside, but that is not their essential role. The eyes supply a person with the raw materials for building his personality.

Everything taken in through the eyes nourishes the soul and affects the body and behavior. When a person looks at wholesome, “healthy” sights, he feeds himself with positive “soul-food.” If the opposite happens, the consequences will reflect that and be projected to others through the eyes.

From here we may understand the Sages’ teaching that one must not stare at the face of a wicked person or at negative sights in general — such as an angry person or at a corpse — because these images harm the depths of a person’s inner life (see Etzmotai Te’omrena, p. 201).

“Look me straight in the eyes”

A straight look into another’s eyes is a natural movement, a form of communication between people. The gaze is a kind of penetration into another’s private domain; therefore we do not mean to say that one should always stare directly at others — there are limits and conditions according to Jewish law and ethics (see Ramban’s epistle to his son).

A person who holds gaze at a high level: whether a child or an adult, indicates sincerity. He is a person at peace with himself; his words and heart match. He speaks and judges from inner truth and is not ashamed; he avoids disputes.

A person who holds gaze at a low level is not meaning harm and may be unaware that he is invading another’s personal space; he looks at anything his eyes meet without sensitivity to negative circumstances around him.

A person who stares in a negative way, permits himself to invade the other’s interior, crosses boundaries. (Source: Etzmotai Te’omrena)

Darting eyes

Opposite a direct gaze stands a very indirect one. It’s unpleasant when a person shifts his eyes from side to side to avoid looking at us. The one who flees the gaze fears being discovered as insincere or dishonest, feels distress, guilt, and tries to evade or defend himself.

Sometimes a person looks away because the conversation contains painful or embarrassing content. Darting eyes reveal that a person, deep down by his nature, knows the “secret of the eyes” — that they reveal and expose — and so he avoids exposing his inner self.

Sometimes a person who habitually tells different things to different people to preserve relationships will avert his gaze, as he may be torn between two worlds — the moral and the immoral.

Wide-open eyes

Contraction of a body part is always an act of drawing inward and withdrawing from connection with others. When a person is angry or straining, his brows knit and his eyes narrow. In contrast, opening the eyes wide communicates a kind of surrender and acceptance of the reality outside the observer. This is why clowns paint exaggerated high eyebrows so the eyes look large and wide: it’s one element that gives them a friendly, engaging appearance of curiosity and readiness for connection. Opening the eyes in a moment of anger can considerably reduce the emotion.

Closing the eyes

The eyes connect a person’s inner self to the world around him. When someone chooses to close his eyes, he indicates that he wants to be with himself. To do this the eye needs eyelids.

The mechanical role of the eyelids is to protect the eyes from external harm and to moisten them against dryness and irritation. On the inner level, these ‘shutters’ protect the ‘windows of the soul’ so they won’t see damaging sights. Eyelids also participate in facial expressions for thinking, concentration, and signaling.

Closing the eyes allows concentrated thought, attempts to realize an idea, solitude and faith, distancing from what is unimportant, devotion.

• Closing the eyes with effort expresses focused concentration, an act of overcoming intense anger or pain. If the eyelids close accompanied by a smile, it expresses a wish to preserve the joy of achievement.

• Winking or blinking rapidly is an expression of strain and short patience. A frequent blinker (assuming no medical eye condition) is a tense person, on the verge of despair, struggling not to reveal weakness. He tries not to show vulnerability through obvious gestures, so he releases excess energy by rapid blinking.

A person who blinks a lot feels pursued by his thoughts, insecure, sensing he cannot realize his goals in studies, social life, or work, and thus scatters excess energy through blinking. This indicates a struggle with gnawing doubt and anxiety about the future.

There is also a quick eyelid movement that occurs during conversation — a gesture of shrewdness. That light blink “shakes” the difficulty the blinker encounters upon hearing something. It clears the fog produced by uncertainty and allows the mind to pass through options and find a solution. (Source: Etzmotai Te’omrena, ch. 29, note 202.)

Modesty and immodesty in the eyes

How much power does a person have with eyes and eyelids? Shlomo Hamelech (King Solomon) warned against an attractive woman who symbolizes external cleverness that leads one astray, in these words: “Do not let her take you in by her eyelids.” Rashi explains: “Do not let (the beautiful woman) remove your wisdom by the eyelids with which she winks.”

“Actions breed character,” as the author of Sefer HaChinuch writes. The way we act externally affects us internally, and therefore someone who habitually winks or batters his eyelids to attract and probe with his gaze may unconsciously imprint traits of a person who is indirect and unreliable.

This is what Ramban tells us in his epistle to his son: “…Now my son, know and see that anyone who is proud in his heart over other people rebels against the heavenly realm; he is proud in his servant’s attire of the heavens… Therefore learn how to conduct yourself in humility always; let all your words be calm… and may your eyes look down to the earth while your heart thinks of God’s ways and wonders, and do not look another in the eye in conversation with him.”

Indeed, in our time when the thirst for peace beats within every person, Ramban’s counsel is beautiful: to act through the body in order to achieve the highest possible respect for others — and from that, the fullest awareness of the Creator.