A Heart That Knew It Belonged

After immigrating to Israel from Moldova with her Jewish father and beginning to embrace Judaism and mitzvot (commandments), T. (her full name is kept confidential) was shocked to discover that she wasn’t considered halachically Jewish. This life-changing realization happened exactly a decade ago, just after losing her father, who had died suddenly from cardiac arrest.

"You know you don’t need to sit shiva," the rabbi in charge of the funeral gently told her.

“What do you mean?” she asked, startled. “I’m a Jew in every sense and it cannot be otherwise!”

The rabbi explained kindly that according to Jewish law (halacha), Jewish identity passes through the mother. Since her mother was not Jewish, she herself was not halachically Jewish. Despite this, T. insisted on sitting shiva and observing all the traditional mourning practices, just like any Jewish daughter would. But her deep identification didn’t exempt her from needing to go through an official conversion.

T.’s journey, now 28 years long, began much earlier. “I was born in Moldova, a small country between Romania and Ukraine, to a Jewish father and a non-Jewish mother. In Moldova, like in many countries, nationality is passed through the father so I grew up knowing I was Jewish in every way.”

How did Judaism show up in your life growing up?

“First of all, I experienced a lot of antisemitism. I was the only Jewish girl in my class, and I often felt excluded or looked down upon. Eventually, my father took me to the Jewish Agency, and for the first time, I felt I belonged. There were other Jewish kids there, we celebrated Jewish holidays together and had Shabbat evenings every week. That’s how I grew up until I was 12.”

When her parents separated, her father decided to make aliyah (move to Israel). At just 13 years old, T. had to choose: stay with her mother in familiar surroundings and financial comfort, or follow her Jewish identity to a country she had never known.

“In the end, I followed my heart to Israel.”

That’s a big decision for a child...

“True. But I felt something strong inside me pulling me to the Holy Land. I was sure I was Jewish, and I believed that Israel was my true home. So, at age 13, I moved to Israel with my father.”

How did you adjust?

“I missed my mother a lot, but I never regretted the decision. We landed in Pardes Hanna, and I went to a secular school. Right before my first Yom Kippur in Israel, someone told me that everyone fasts. I immediately said I would fast too. I told my father, who wasn’t religious, and he just waved it off like it was nonsense. But I fasted alone, and that became the first of many steps.”

Didn’t all the challenges push you away from Judaism?

“No. I guess I’m stubborn like many Jews are. I actually became more committed. I felt that Judaism was my father’s legacy to me, and I wanted to hold on to it. I started reading Tehillim (Psalms), became fascinated by King David, and especially connected to the story of Ruth, the righteous convert who became the ancestor of King David. Her story gave me strength.”

Over the years, T. lived like any young woman in Israel. She moved to Tel Aviv, her mother visited her often, and she sometimes traveled back to Moldova. But her heart remained in Israel.

You could’ve continued living in Israel as a non-Jew. Why choose to convert?

“At 25, I started becoming more religious. A friend took me to get a blessing from a rabbi, and the experience deeply moved me. Another friend invited me for Shabbat meals with Kiddush, and I gradually began observing Shabbat and dressing more modestly. But I couldn’t stop hearing the rabbi’s words that I wasn’t Jewish. One day, I felt a deep urge to start the conversion process.”

What does halachic conversion involve?

“It’s a long, challenging journey. You go before a beit din (Jewish court) of three rabbis, three times. The first time is just to test your sincerity. Then they send you to study halacha (Jewish law). It was hard, but I actually loved learning it. At the second meeting, they test your knowledge. Then they send you home again for six months, and only after that do they invite you for the third time to complete the process.”

“I thought it would be simple. But in my conversion class, there were girls who had been studying for two or three years and still hadn’t finished. That scared me a little but my desire to truly be Jewish was stronger than any fear.”

Tell me about your first court appearance.

“I walked in confidently. I believed no one could question how much I wanted to be Jewish. One rabbi asked why I wanted to convert. I told him, ‘It’s not that I want to be Jewish, I am Jewish!’ He looked surprised and asked what I meant. I poured my heart out about my father, my aliyah, my life in Israel. Another rabbi asked, ‘Do you know what Shabbat means in Judaism?’ I said, ‘Of course! I’ve been keeping Shabbat for six months already.’”

“They exchanged looks and gently told me, ‘A non-Jew who keeps Shabbat is halachically forbidden to do so.’ I was crushed. I loved Shabbat and it was the sweetest time of the week for me. I begged them not to take it away from me. But they explained I had to wait. I went home in tears. I had six more months where I couldn’t fully observe Shabbat. I cried out to Hashem, begging Him to help me hold on.”

“On Rosh Chodesh Nisan (the first day of the Hebrew month of Nisan), I had a strong desire to go pray at the grave of Rabbi Meir Baal HaNes, a great sage known for miraculous help. I went there, cried from my heart, and prayed that I’d merit to complete my conversion before Passover. Two days later, I got a call from the court and they wanted to see me for my second appearance.”

“I was exhausted, but I answered their questions. Then one rabbi looked at me and asked, ‘Do you believe in the foundations of Jewish faith?’ I said, ‘Yes, of course I believe!’ Then he said the most beautiful words I had ever heard: ‘In that case, we want to convert you now.’”

Since then, T. and I have become close friends. I was privileged to be there with her on the day she immersed in the mikveh to complete her conversion and four months later, to accompany her to her wedding.

In truth, maybe she had been right all along when she stood before the rabbis and said she was Jewish. T. believes that during World War II, her maternal grandparents burned all their documents and refused to explain why. She suspects that perhaps her mother’s side was Jewish too.

As someone who has also returned to Torah, I often struggle with questions along the way. But T. always reminds me, with a smile and pure faith, “What’s the problem? You’re a daughter of the King of the world. Just ask Him, He’ll always answer.”