Unearthing Caligula's Balcony: A Surprising Discovery

Recently, another underground water pipe burst in Rome. The city’s infrastructure is quite old, and perhaps the mayor should take this issue a little more seriously. But let's face it, that's not the exciting part. What’s truly fascinating is that during the excavations to replace the pipe, remnants of carved marble columns were revealed. Archaeologists arrived on the scene with enthusiasm, dismantling half the road, seemingly without a thought for the water supply. And so it came about that we unintentionally stumbled upon a grand and opulent balcony, overlooking the Tiber River, at the foot of Rome’s famous hill.

Initially, researchers speculated that this was the guest balcony of the infamous Emperor Caligula, as it was in the exact location of Agrippina’s Gardens, the unfortunate mother of the notoriously mad emperor of Rome. But when a pipe with the full name of the emperor, "Gaius Augustus Germanicus," was discovered, it became clear beyond any doubt that this was indeed Caligula’s balcony. This was the spot where he sat with his horse Incitatus, who was his most beloved companion. He fed him barley mixed with gold flakes, served him wine from gold goblets, and eventually appointed him a consul. Caligula would often swear by his horse’s life. The horse’s bridle was adorned with diamonds, and its stable was made of marble... Caligula's grandmother, Antonia, seeing the decline of her grandson’s empire, committed suicide.

The name Caligula means "little boot," and he was called so because, as a small child, he was very striking in military uniforms and boots. It seems this image stayed with him into adulthood, as he decided he was the most impressive person in the world, and therefore a god. And since he was a god, Jews everywhere were to erect his statue: in the Temple, in synagogues, or just in the Jewish quarters.

Since Caligula was egotistical and unhinged, he stopped at nothing. As a child, a fortune teller had told him he would become emperor, just as much as he could ride a horse across the Bay of Naples... which was meant to show him the impossibility of such a feat. The Bay of Naples is over five kilometers wide. Yet when Caligula came to power, as a first step, he lined up heavy ships across the bay in a continuous sequence. Slaves poured dirt on the ships, creating a road. On this makeshift road, Caligula rode his beloved horse, wearing the armor of Alexander the Great...

And so, to this balcony that researchers uncovered last week, the Jewish delegation came, to plead for the lives of the Jews. After weeks of travel and months of waiting, they finally reached the moment when they could approach the emperor’s balcony! The mad emperor leaned against the beautiful columns, now exposed, and in a flash waved the Jews away as one would dismiss a fly. But within a week, he died suddenly, likely at the hands of those who could no longer endure the transformation of the empire into a circus, thus freeing the Jews and all of Rome from the tyrant who would be remembered as one of history's greatest madmen.