How Far Should One Go to Avoid Hurting Someone's Feelings?

The Starring Role

I entered the teachers' room, which was empty, save for my homeroom teacher. "Sit down, Rachel," she said warmly, "As you know, we are planning to end the year with a special play. I've been thinking about who would be suitable to play the lead role. I'm looking for a girl who can act well and is willing to put in  the necessary time and effort." My teacher paused for a moment and looked at me. I began to understand where she was heading, and my heart started racing. Then she said: "I think you fit the bill. Think it over and let me know, okay?"

For the rest of the day, I couldn't concentrate on anything else. I'd dreamed of this role and couldn't be happier... except for that niggling thought that gave me no peace. My best friend had been dreaming of the lead role, too. What's more, she was almost certain she would be chosen. I could just picture the scene, with my teacher standing in front of the class and formally announcing that she had finally chosen a girl for the lead role, and then she would say my name. My best friend would be so hurt and disappointed. What should I do?

When Hashem asked Moses to go to Pharaoh and bring the Jewish People out of Egypt, at first Moses refused. Why? The Torah tells us that he was unwilling to offend his brother, Aaron, who had been  leading the Jewish People while Moses was in Midian. Moses was concerned that Aaron would feel that he was usurping his position.

His refusal was delaying the redemption, but first and foremost, Moses felt obligated to adhere to the Torah's path which forbids hurting others. From this example we learn how far the obligation to take people's feelings into consideration extends. For seven days, Moses stood firm in his refusal until Hashem promised him that "Aaron will come out to meet you and will feel genuine rejoicing."

In the case above, the situation is slightly different. When Moses became the undisputed leader, Aaron was effectively demoted from a role he was already serving in. With the two girls, the role is as yet unoccupied. Such cases occur frequently, such as when two or more people compete for a job. Inevitably, at least one person is going to be disappointed. Should people refrain from competing in order not to hurt anyone? Obviously not. But there may be other solutions. Perhaps Malka can tell her teacher about her dilemma, and then the teacher will give her friend another significant role. Sometimes it's even possible to divide a role that was originally intended for one student between two.

Whatever happens, what we can always do is bless those around us with success, and pray that whatever happens, they find contentment in their lives.