Your Friend Clinched a Bad Deal -- Should You Tell Him?

A Bad Deal?

"I bought a car!" my friend David announced a few days ago, just after I returned from abroad. "Finally! Congratulations!" I was genuinely happy for him. David had been looking for a car for ages, one that would suit his needs and budget. Since I know a lot about cars, he would consult me every time he found a car for sale. We had been to see dozens of cars together but hadn't found anything suitable.

Now he had finally made the purchase, precisely when I was out of the country. "I was very sorry not to be able to get your advice, but I didn't want to miss the opportunity. The price was right, and it's the right size and in excellent condition. Come see it!" he told me enthusiastically.

As soon as I looked at it, disappointment washed over me. I was all too familiar with this particular model, one that frequently broke down and needed expensive repairs. Should I tell my friend the truth?

Response

Our Sages teach that one should try to praise someone's newly purchased item as much as possible, even if it seems like a bad deal. "How does one dance before the bride? Beit Shammai says: '[Describe] the bride as she is.' Beit Hillel says: '[Call her] a beautiful and graceful bride.' Beit Shammai said to Beit Hillel: 'According to your approach, if she is lame or blind, would you still say she is a beautiful and graceful bride? The Torah says (Exodus 23), 'Distance yourself from falsehood!' Beit Hillel replied to Beit Shammai: 'If someone made a bad purchase in the market, should one praise it in his eyes or disparage it? Surely one should praise it in his eyes'" (Talmud Ketubot 17a, Masechet Derech Eretz chapter Six).

The Admor of Strikover used to tell his followers: When the Sages tell us that we should praise a purchase made by someone, this doesn't mean that one should speak falsehood, but rather appraise the item favorably, with a generous eye. Everything in the world has positive aspects that can be emphasized and praised, and this isn't considered falsehood. A person with a good and generous eye knows how to identify the good points in everyone and everything.

Rabbi Meir Chadash would explain the Gemara differently. Even if the purchase doesn't look so good to the observer, he said, one should still praise it because it makes the purchaser happy, and if that's the case, then one should be happy for him and see that as a benefit for both.

It's also important to assess the situation accurately. Will the person benefit from finding out about the defects in his new item? If David can still cancel the deal and might want to do once he finds out that this particular model is problematic, certainly one should tell him. And even if he can't cancel the deal, he could still benefit from being told of the flaws in his new car, as the knowledge will encourage him to drive more carefully and pay more attention to car maintenance. However, if a person will not benefit from finding out about his item's defects, there's certainly no need to mention them and instead, a good friend will focus on the positive aspects and share in his happiness.

From the book Man's Duty in His World - Moral and Character Issues for the Whole Family.