Finding Joy in Tradition: Celebrating Bar Mitzvah the Softer Way

In the year 1834, the esteemed Rabbi Hatam Sofer joyously celebrated the Bar Mitzvah of his son, Rabbi Shimon Sofer, with the Torah reading taking place on Shabbat Parashat Vayechi.

During this Shabbat, Rabbi Hatam Sofer posed a question to his students and the festive attendees: Do you know what the first commandment is that one must fulfill upon reaching the age of mitzvot?

His students replied confidently that the first commandment is the recitation of the Shema, as one becomes obligated to do so immediately upon the emergence of stars when turning thirteen.

Hatam Sofer gently corrected them, explaining that the very first commandment one is obligated to fulfill when entering the age of mitzvot is the mitzvah of joy. The joy that comes with accepting the yoke of commandments. Fulfilling a mitzvah with joy takes precedence over the recitation of the Shema, as it is a mitzvah mandated "for not serving Hashem with joy and a cheerful heart," making the mitzvah of joy the first.

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Hatam Sofer’s Insights on His Son’s Bar Mitzvah Shabbat

"And Joseph saw Ephraim's children of the third generation; the sons also of Machir the son of Manasseh were born upon Joseph's knees." (Genesis 50:23)

In Magen Avraham, Siman 225, subsection 4, it cites a New Yalkut necessitating a festive meal and joy on the day a son reaches thirteen years and one day, much like his wedding day. This is derived from the Zohar Chadash on the verse, "Come out, daughters of Zion, and see King Solomon in the crown with which his mother crowned him on his wedding day, and on the day of his heart's rejoicing." (Song of Songs 3:11).

One may wonder why specifically the mother rejoices at his Bar Mitzvah and not the father, as it is written, "which his mother crowned him on his wedding day." It can be explained that while the father is indeed happy for his son's entry into the mitzvot, he also feels a sense of loss at being relieved from the mitzvah of educating such a worthy son. Recall the tale of Philetus, son of Laish, who mourned upon being relieved of a mitzvah (Sanhedrin 19), and Ramban (in Parashat Naso) noted that a Nazirite brings a sacrifice upon leaving a mitzvah.

Therefore, the father's joy may not be complete at his son's Bar Mitzvah, but the mother undoubtedly feels complete joy as she is not bound by the mitzvah of education.

Wishing you Shabbat Shalom