"Do Not Hate Your Brother in Your Heart": How to Free Yourself from Feelings That Can Destroy Your Life

Mitzvah: Do not hate your brother in your heart

"Do not hate your brother in your heart" is a Torah prohibition. Hatred is a powerful emotion that can cause significant damage not only to the subject of one's hate but also to the person harboring the hatred. This commandment is not just a guideline for proper social behavior but also a way to protect one's emotional health. Hatred can manifest in many ways and negatively impact our lives.

Hatred is an emotion that is not expressed outwardly but resides in a person's heart. It may stem from anger, jealousy, frustration, or feelings of hurt. Hatred can develop and deepen over time, affecting a person's feelings and behavior toward others.

Hatred doesn't just harm the object of hatred; it also, and perhaps primarily, harms the person who hates. Feeling hatred can cause mental stress, feelings of loneliness, reduced quality of life, and even physical health problems. It also prevents a person from developing healthy relationships and living in harmony with those around them.

Regarding this commandment, the author of Sefer HaChinuch writes: "For hatred of the heart causes great evils among people, with men always at war with each other and with their neighbors, and it is the cause of all betrayals among people, and it is the most inferior and despicable trait in the eyes of all intelligent people."

Rabbeinu Yonah in Shaarei Teshuvah writes: "We are warned by this to remove from our souls the trait of hatred, which is a trait that causes many transgressions and leads to many corrupt plots ... and destroys much good from the soul."

Dealing with Internal Hatred

In order to overcome internal hatred, it's important to understand and acknowledge its source. Our Sages suggest various ways of dealing with negative emotions, including:

Open and direct communication: Opening a dialogue with the person who evokes hatred in us can help clarify the source of the emotion and resolve the conflict.

Forgiveness and reconciliation: The process of forgiveness is a powerful tool for releasing hatred. Forgiveness focuses not only on the other person but also on ourselves.

Focus on the positive: Seek out the good qualities in the person we hate, and remind ourselves of the good in them.

Self-improvement: Focusing on inner work and self-improvement can help us deal with negative emotions and improve our overall well-being.

Do you have feelings of hatred toward someone? Stop for a moment and think about how you can find a way to forgive. Read more about the process of forgiveness and reconciliation in Judaism, and try to implement the tools we've suggested in this article. The power to change your life is in your hands, and the first step is always to recognize your feelings and work to heal them.