Embracing Jewish Identity: Moving Beyond 'Secular' Labels

Avinoam asks: "Hi. I know people who take pride in being secular, and I want to understand what being secular truly means. If I haven't fully embraced religious observance yet, but I believe and wish to grow stronger, am I still considered secular?"

Hello Avinoam, and thank you for your question.

We prefer not to label Jews. Even for young children, it's important to explain that there are Jews who observe commandments, those who find it challenging, and others who haven't been raised with Jewish teachings or the significance of the Torah. Ultimately, we are all Jewish.

We are fortunate to have millions of traditional Jews within Israel who strive to observe mitzvot to the best of their ability. Many wear tefillin and regularly watch Torah lessons. Even if their lifestyle isn't fully Torah-observant, they certainly aren't 'secular' when they strive to keep mitzvot.

How might one describe themselves if they haven't fully returned to religious observance but don't quite fit the 'secular' label? I like the term "in the process of strengthening," and in my humble opinion, it's the right way to describe your religious state: say, "I am strengthening." Many use this term even after full teshuvah; it reflects humility in acknowledging one's past and a desire to keep advancing in mitzvot observance and character improvement.

Despite what is said here, there are unfortunately Jews who proudly label themselves 'secular' and speak in favor of secularism. For those misguided individuals, who haven't had the privilege of being raised with Jewish knowledge and the beauty of Torah, we must explain the flaw in defining oneself as secular.

Here's a thought-provoking (and, in my opinion, quite amusing) question to ask any Jew proudly identifying as 'secular': simply ask, "Dear Secular Jew, can you define secularity without using the word 'not'?"

If they try to explain that secularism supports democracy or similar values, ask them in return, "If you weren't a democrat, would you not be considered 'secular'?" It's clear that secularity isn't tied to a form of governance; the Soviet Union promoted extreme secularity under a clear communist regime.

If our acquaintance responds that secularity represents being a humanist or supporting equal rights, continue to ask, "Can someone who disrespects women and boasts over others not refer to themselves as secular?" Unfortunately, we have no shortage of individuals who rebel against social morals yet are still called 'secular.' Conversely, we have never heard of a parliament member accusing a criminal or a racist of "embarrassing secularity."

Our friend will eventually have to let go of their secular pride, and at this point in the discussion, we can explain that the word 'secular' comes from 'chol,' which means lacking in sanctity and religiosity in life. All secular pride amounts to is a lifestyle devoid of Jewish observance and holiness in personal life, labeled 'secular' because it makes every day mundane. In other words, when someone proudly calls themselves 'secular,' they are boasting about what they lack—an empty cart missing the spiritual and moral content of their Jewish identity. Hence, Jews should let go of this negative label and simply call themselves 'Jewish' or 'traditional' to reflect their Jewish identity.

Conversely, those who have embraced their Judaism and seek to strengthen its observance should define themselves as "in the process of strengthening."

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On a similar note, I recently received a message from a woman named Gila (all names are fictional):

"I know there's a Creator of the world, so I'm afraid of the afterlife. The problem is, I'm secular, I've always been, and I don't believe I'll ever be able to fully return to religious observance. Yet the thought of it doesn't leave me."

It seems you have a lofty soul, hence your thoughts about your Judaism and connection with your Father in Heaven. Let me share a secret: you're not truly secular; perhaps you never were.

You likely fast on Yom Kippur, have had or will have a brit milah for your sons, and will likely bring them to their bar mitzvahs. You probably avoid eating bread during Passover, and in everyday life, you might avoid eating pork and shellfish, consuming only kosher-slaughtered meat. I believe there's a mezuzah on your doorposts mentioning the Exodus from Egypt. You've likely had or will have a traditional Jewish wedding with a chuppah and kiddushin according to the law of Moses and Israel.

So it turns out you're not truly 'secular' as you thought; you're not like an irreligious gentile. You've been observing precious mitzvot from the holy Torah for years. According to your question, you're still in a process of long-term self-reflection and strengthening.

Therefore, I suggest you say: "I am strengthening!"

You need only continue strengthening through small actions within your capability, even something as simple as lighting Shabbat candles. A family meal on Shabbat evening is a highly valuable mitzvah that's easy and pleasant to fulfill. Some choose not to ignite open flames on Shabbat or leave the bathroom light on to lessen Shabbat desecration. Watching Torah lessons is also a significant and strengthening mitzvah.

See how even the smallest, barely noticeable actions count as valuable strengthening—added gems you can carry into the afterlife.

Rabbi Yisrael Meir HaCohen, of blessed memory, authored "Chafetz Chaim" covering the laws of guarding one's speech. In his work, he lists multiple laws but also cautions against despair that might plague one who feels incapable of adhering to all laws, or someone who repeatedly fails in guarding their speech until they feel like giving up. For him, he presented the following parable:

Imagine a tired person returning home from work, strolling along the seashore, suddenly seeing that the sea has washed up hundreds of thousands of jewels, gold, and precious stones onto the beach. If he works through the night, he'll become unimaginably wealthy! But the labor seems daunting.

"There's no chance I can collect all the gold and jewels on the beach," the person tells himself, "there are too many and the work is too much." It's already late, and the man is tired and exhausted; he doesn't have a cart large enough, nor time to gather everything before the sea pulls it back into the ocean. By morning, not a single jewel will remain on the beach. Only a hero filled with ingenuity would sacrifice all his energy to gather everything by dawn.

"This is a lost cause!" the man finally decides in despair, and so, with great sadness and a dour expression, he leaves the beach and returns home empty-handed...!

"What are you doing?" we shout to the man on the beach, "it's absurd! Collect as much as you can; each jewel will enrich you for many days and years ahead" (from the book "Chafetz Chaim Daily Learning," Day 6, 6th of Tishrei).

Thus, the Chafetz Chaim illustrates the person who despairs due to their transgressions and difficulties in adhering to all laws, not realizing that "every moment a person restrains their tongue, they earn a concealed light even angels cannot fathom" (Letter of the Vilna Gaon).

We should therefore view mitzvot as gathering diamonds for the afterlife; each mitzvah we gather is an additional jewel for the Garden of Eden: "When a person departs this world, money, gold, precious stones, and jewels don't accompany them, only Torah and good deeds" (Avot 6:9).

Therefore, one should not despair even if they don't believe they can gather all the mitzvot, but rather collect what they can, as it will surely be for their benefit. Hashem sees their good heart and desire to draw closer to Him, "the reward of a mitzvah is a mitzvah" (Avot 4:2).

The mistake is in thinking that returning to religious observance is a one-day event or nothing at all.

The truth is, we are all ba'alei teshuvah throughout our lives on earth.

Making teshuvah is a lifestyle, and the main point is being on that path and always ascending. Every additional mitzvah, even a small one, brings you closer to Hashem. Our sages said Hashem does not withhold the reward of any creature: "Hashem does not withhold the reward for even pleasant conversation" (Nazir 23b).

Thinking of Hashem as distant from our hearts is a ploy from the evil inclination, meant to trip us up in frustration or sorrow and draw us away from His service.

Our sages say (Shemot Rabbah 34:1): "Hashem does not place unfair burdens on His creatures; He only asks according to their strength." Hashem understands His creatures and deals with each person according to their unique path and ability.

The prophet says (1 Samuel 16:7): "Man sees what is visible, but Hashem sees into the heart." This means Hashem sees us from within, deep in our hearts, not just outwardly.

Only you and Hashem truly know what's in your heart and what you're capable or incapable of undertaking at this stage of your life. The goal is to strive and try, and never to despair. Even contemplating teshuvah is a mitzvah (Kiddushin 49b), and as long as the candle burns, corrections can always be made. Good luck!