Should We Help People Who Don't Deserve It?

The Story

Gadi was sitting on the bus traveling from Jerusalem to Netanya. Suddenly, his gaze fell upon an elderly man standing not far from him, holding on tightly to the backrest of one of seats. Gadi frowned, wondering why the man had boarded at all, given that the bus had already filled up at the first few stops, after which the driver had announced that there was standing room only.

"Why should I care?" Gadi said to himself, "It's his right to decide to stand. Everyone has their own considerations." He opened the book he had brought with him to study during the journey and tried to concentrate, but without success. He began to feel pangs of conscience. "Maybe I should give him my seat after all? He's elderly, and it must be really hard to stand for so long at his age." Gadi stood up and offered his seat to the elderly man, who thanked him and sat down.

Gadi propped himself against another seat and sighed. He knew he'd done the right thing -- but he still felt taken advantage of. "Why couldn't he wait for another bus? He must have calculated that someone would stand up for him, due to his age. He never really intended to stand for the entire journey. And now, instead, I have to," he thought.

What do you think? Did the elderly man act appropriately? Should one do a kindness for someone who (we think) doesn't behave properly? How can we view this elderly man in a favorable light?

A Torah Response

Did the elderly man act appropriately? This story dealt with an "elderly man," but the same idea would apply to anyone who knows that if they board a packed bus, someone will give up their seat for them. If that elderly person could take another bus without inconvenience, it would be appropriate for him to do so and not burden the public, especially on an intercity journey. The elderly man should take into account that even if he intended to stand for the entire journey, since at least one of the passengers would feel guilty about that, it's as if he forced them to give up their seat.

Some Torah scholars have suggested that in such a case, the elderly person might be violating the Torah principle of not forcing a person to act against their will.

However, in most cases one can assume that if an elderly person boards a bus it's because they cannot wait for another option. One should not jump to the conclusion that their intention is to force someone to give up their seat for them.

Should one do an act of kindness for someone who doesn't appear to 'deserve' it? A halachic response to this question has been written by Rabbi Yosef Shalom Elyashiv obm, one of the foremost Torah authorities of recent times. These are his words:

 "On long journeys, it is customary for the driver to announce at bus stops whether there are still seats available. Therefore, if the elderly person knows there are no seats on the bus, and nevertheless boards, then according to the strict letter of the law, there is no obligation for a person to stand up and give him a seat. However, one must be very careful not to cause a desecration of Hashem's name as a result."

Let's now consider another approach in this case, going beyond the strict letter of the law: There is value in performing acts of kindness to others, even if we don't think they deserve it. In Parashat Vayakhel, we are told that the Israelites were extremely generous with their donations toward the building of the Tabernacle, to the point that they were told to stop bringing items (Shemot 36:6). How disappointed those people must have been who didn't manage to bring their donations in time! This is how a person should feel not only toward Hashem but also toward others, pursuing and striving to benefit others without calculating whether the other person "deserves" it or not, and feeling regret when unable to do so. We shouldn't perform acts of kindness only when we are obligated, but should rather rejoice in "donating" kindness to others.

Beyond that, in such a situation, one should be careful about several things:

A. Judging the other person favorably. Perhaps the elderly man needed to get to Netanya urgently and couldn't wait for the next bus. Therefore, he had no choice but to board. It's also possible that due to his age, he couldn't push himself forward in the line to board the previous bus and was left behind. Now, he can't wait again until the next bus -- and maybe there is no next bus.

B. Doing kindness first, then clarifying the matter. Many times we struggle with a halachic or ethical issue, and we don't have enough knowledge or information to know what to decide. In such cases, it's better to first act beyond the letter of the law, and only afterward clarify (if possible). 

C. A person should be careful not to be taken advantage of. While an elderly person, or a mother with a baby, for instance, is vulnerable and one should give them the benefit of the doubt, if an average person boards a packed bus and asks someone for a seat, that person should not feel obligated to give up his place. Nor should he feel guilty for "allowing" the person to remain standing if he isn't asked.

From the book "Man's Duty in His World - Moral and Character Issues for the Whole Family."