'Stop! Thief!' But what if you're not sure?

The Dilemma

Everyone who lives in the neighborhood knows me. I've been the manager of the local supermarket for years. I work hard, but I enjoy the job. That is, I enjoy almost all aspects of the job. Dealing with shoplifters is something I never wanted to do, but recently, there have been too many incidents to overlook. Various products have been unaccountably disappearing and I realized I would have to be extremely vigilant in order to figure out who was behind it all.

One day, as I was patrolling near the dairy section, I heard a subdued crash from the next aisle. I hurried over to see what had happened and found a large carton of snacks had fallen from a shelf. Nearby stood a little kid, maybe eight years old, putting something in his pocket.

Without thinking, I yelled at him: "What have you got there?"

"Nothing," he replied, his face turning pale.

"You're not going to get away with this," I retorted. I grabbed him and checked all his pockets. His pale face turned red, and he stood there embarrassed, frightened, and helpless. To my surprise, I found not a single store item in his pockets.

"You can go," I said uncomfortably, and I tried to give him a small snack as compensation, but he refused to take it and ran out of the store.

A man who had been observing these events now came over to me. "You really embarrassed that kid," he said. "Didn't you see his face? He's going to be traumatized for life!"

I certainly felt bad, but the man was really exaggerating. And anyway, what choice did I have? I can't stand back and do nothing while people steal from my store. What was I supposed to think after seeing the child hurriedly put something in his pocket? What would you have done in my place?

The Torah Response

No one should condemn the store manager, as most of us have never been in such a position and we don't know how we would react. It really did look like he might have caught the serial thief red-handed, and his hasty response is at least partially understandable. Nonetheless, we would all do well to pause and think twice whenever we find ourselves in highly volatile situations.

When it comes to child shoplifters, one has to recognize that up until a certain age, they don't always realize that what they're doing is stealing. Therefore, someone who sees a child acting suspiciously should say, "I'm sure you were planning to pay for that. After all, the Torah says it's forbidden to steal. Come with me and I'll help you pay. I'm sure you didn't mean to do anything wrong..."

In Nachmanides' famous letter (Igeret HaRamban), he writes: "Always speak all your words calmly to every person." Rabbi Yechezkel Sarna, a Torah leader from the previous generation, would note: "People often say, 'I know we should speak calmly, but this case is different...' Therefore, Ramban wrote: 'Always -- there are no exceptions!'"

If the supermarket manager had taken this advice, he would have taken a deep breath and then called the child over in a calm voice, asking him what he put in his pocket. And when the child denied having taken anything, he would have said, "I'm sure you're a good boy. I know you don't take things that don't belong to you." He could then explain about the recent thefts and mention that he saw him putting something in his pocket and could then gently ask him to show him what it was.

The Torah relates an incident from the life of Tamar, who was prepared to be killed rather than humiliate Yehudah. Referring to this, the Sages stated: "It is better for a person to be thrown into a fiery furnace than to embarrass his fellow-man in public." Indeed, Tamar's act was so great that she merited to be the ancestress of Moshiach.

From the book "Man's Duty in His World - Moral and Character Issues for the Whole Family."