My Mitzvah at Your Expense?

The Dilemma

"With this approach, one can achieve..." the lecturer's voice intoned. But for the people sitting toward the back, the next few words were drowned out by a baby's wail. And it wasn't the first time this had happened.

A group of several dozen families had arrived at a hotel for an organized vacation that included inspirational lectures on faith and spirituality by top speakers. During the very first lecture, several mothers entered with their baby carriages. Most of the infants were sleeping and their presence didn't bother anyone, but one of them kept whimpering or crying, and the noise significantly disrupted the lecture.

At first, people tried to ignore the interruptions but after this had happened four times, one of the women turned to the mother of the crying baby and told her in no uncertain terms, "Please, take him outside! He's preventing everyone from hearing what the speaker is saying!"

If the woman had expected the mother to apologize before getting up to leave, she was disappointed. "Excuse me, why should I leave?" she protested. "I paid to be here just like everyone else, and I also want to hear the lecture. And I don't see what the problem is. The speaker's using a microphone and everyone can hear just fine."

"I'm sorry, but I find the noise very distracting," another woman interjected.

The mother frowned. "Well, I don't have a babysitter so it's just too bad," she said. "And in any case, this was advertised as a family vacation, so it's to be expected that there will be mothers with their babies and that the babies will make a bit of noise."

The debate heated up, with more and more women taking sides... What do you think should have been done?

The Torah Response

An important principle in serving Hashem is not to perform mitzvot at other people's expense. If someone does perform a mitzvah despite it harming others, not only has that person committed an aveirah (transgression), but the mitzvah will not elevate them at all. On the contrary, it will distance them from Hashem, as a "mitzvah that is achieved via an aveirah."

Only performing mitzvot according to Hashem's will leads to spiritual elevation. Therefore, even if a person truly desires spiritual growth, no spiritual benefit will result from listening to an inspirational lecture if it comes at others' expense.

The purpose of mitzvot is to fulfill Hashem's will, and sometimes, that might involve forgoing something spiritual. So, even if the mother of the crying baby has to leave the lecture, she won't lose out — in fact, she will only gain as she thereby passes her specific test and will be rewarded.

Let's all do what we can not only to elevate ourselves spiritually, but also to help others elevate themselves. May we merit to treat others with respect and love all Jews as we love ourselves.

From the book "Man's Duty in His World - Moral and Character Issues for the Whole Family."