Navigating Summer Break with Kids Who Have ADHD

During summer break, especially this year when current events limit travel and outdoor activities, this period can become particularly challenging for children with ADHD and their parents. The SET (Salutogenic Existential Therapy) approach offers insights and tools to navigate these circumstances.

Guiding Principles

Children with ADHD not only have trouble paying attention in class but also struggle with perceiving reality as it is. Reality is "square"—confined by time and space, operating with its own rules. In contrast, a person's internal world is "round"—offering more freedom, space, and limitations. This roundness resembles dreams or imagination where anything is possible, and confronting "square" reality can be challenging.

These children can be difficult to understand. On one hand, they need more freedom, independence, and authenticity than other children. On the other hand, they require clearer rules and structure. Their nature leans towards freedom and inward listening, which is also why they need "square" frameworks externally—to feel secure, stable, and to actualize their aspirations. Freedom within tailored boundaries.

A connection to the "round" can create hypersensitivity to boredom, emptiness, and meaninglessness. Routine—perceived as limited and gray—doesn't align with the freedom to experience deep meaning. Sometimes, they try to challenge routine and adapt it to their inner world. This may manifest in various activities, disturbances, binge eating, screen time, and all that can make reality more attractive and "alive."

The connection to the round often comes at the expense of connecting to the square, including avoidance of listening and adherence to rules. This can lead to performance failures, and feelings of helplessness regarding one's ability to control behavior or desired outcomes. This can further entrench them in the round and exacerbate the unwillingness to adhere to frustrating square rules.

These traits are innate, but we as parents can help the child through understanding and embracing, alongside setting a flexible framework that provides order, consistency, security, meaning, and practical capability.

Applying Principles During Summer

Clear and Flexible Routine - Children with ADHD struggle to create and maintain a daily routine. They need more parental assistance to avoid feeling "lost." In the whirlwind of summer, setting a few "anchors" can help the child meet basic needs and maintain stability. These anchors should be clear but flexible. They can relate to timeframes for prayer, study, meals, and some regular activity. It's vital to maintain a principle of a limited number of main fixed activities, each within a defined timeframe. The framework allows children to enjoy more "freedom." When we provide boundaries, we're not taking away freedom, but facilitating it.

Dealing with Boredom - Children with ADHD easily get bored. Some struggle with discomfort in boredom or finding ways to self-entertain. They may wander feeling hungry and internally restless. Boredom is a highly uncomfortable emotion and may express itself indirectly, like bothering other children, seeking thrills and dangers, negative attention-seeking, recurring complaints, and expressions of dissatisfaction. It's essential not to take these personally but rather to see such responses as expressions of a child's distress seeking help, even if he uses an "inappropriate language." This perspective may direct you to consider creative different solutions, starting with understanding—the child and helping him understand himself. It's easier to do this when reducing the alarm around boredom and its results. Consider practical solutions (though imperfect) in advance, like creating a "bank of activities" with the child—a list of activities he can draw on in real-time to find ways to entertain himself. Remember, you can't "take away" your child's struggles; you can ease and assist, accompanying him in entering a world where he gradually needs to find himself in "square" reality—a reality that doesn't always cater to his expectations yet it can be influenced and partly tailored to them. Help him strive for this balance.

Continuous Medication - Many children need ongoing medication during summer break. Without it, their ability to function healthily diminishes. If the doctor recommends continuing treatment during summer, it's important to take it seriously. Weigh the emotional and behavioral suffering and damage without treatment and decide accordingly.

Mental Preparation - Some children with ADHD tend to be caught off guard by events others find predictable, leading them to respond inappropriately. For example, during a special outing, a child might react with overwhelming excitement, causing behavior that's wild or scattered. Knowing this in advance can help them manage it when it happens. Hence, children need preparation (from "pre")—an anticipation of what's expected. Preparation can aid anticipatory readiness by reminding of upcoming plans and challenges, involving them in coping plans.

Encouraging Physical Activity - Physical activity is an excellent way to help children expend energy and even aggression. Try incorporating various physical activities throughout the day, like ball games, biking, or park walks, contributing to their physical and mental health, and reducing feelings of boredom and tension.

Creating Quality Time with Your Child - Invest in quality time with your child. This time strengthens your bond, allows you to listen and understand their needs. Quality time can include joint games, open conversations, and creative activities together. It's crucial to ensure children feel important and loved, especially when they're likely receiving constant criticism and comments.

Conclusion

During summer break, it's important to find the balance between freedom and boundaries for our children. We can provide necessary support and structure by setting a clear schedule addressing boredom, continuing medical treatment, preparing for upcoming events, encouraging physical activity, and creating quality time with them.

Remember, childhood challenges are "training grounds" for life itself. In routine, children receive the "square" from the education system. Vacation simulates maturity, where they take more responsibility for their own structure and self-occupancy. No less importantly, they must learn to protect their own roundness, succeeding in finding themselves within a framework, balancing their freedom with boundaries need. View this period as a significant educational opportunity.

Dr. Chaim Dayan is a clinical social worker and chairman of the Institute of Attention.