How to Make Studying Talmud with Your Child a Joyful Experience

Does your son shy away from studying with you? Do you both enjoy your study sessions? Studying together with your son can be an enjoyable experience that not only develops the child's mind but also reinforces the emotional bond and strengthens parental authority. Naturally, a child wants a connection with their parent, and studying together can be a time of closeness, warmth, and love. So why does it often not work out? Here are practical tools to help you study successfully with any child, particularly if your child has Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

Set a Goal - Most of the child's main study happens at school, where they are also tested. The central goal of studying together is to "make the Talmud beloved to the child." Keep a "compass" to guide you: consider how you want your child to regard the Talmud twenty years from now, or how today's study will make them want to study with you again. During study sessions, express more warmth and love, give compliments, and create a sense of importance—less criticism and fewer "tests."

Prepare the Topic - Even if you know the topic well, preparing it for your child can enhance the joint study. The clearer the topic is to you, the more succinctly you can teach it and think of illustrative means, etc. If your son struggles with learning, consider preparing with him what they will study next week. If he refuses to study with his father, find other subjects, legends of our sages, or different books to learn together.

Environmental Conditions - Notice whether your child needs a quiet space or perhaps a lively learning atmosphere helps them more; whether they focus better sitting still, or if they concentrate more with movement, like walking or standing. Know your child: sometimes avoiding movement takes resources away from them, making it harder to concentrate and learn, and sometimes the opposite is true, and controlling movement helps them focus.

Enhance Strengths - In studying the topic, there are parts of "content"—the internal principle—circle, and parts of the "framework"—the external form, like reading and discussing the topic—square. Some kids are more drawn to or successful in the circle aspect, while others in the square. Despite the need to address weaknesses, start with the strong parts. For instance, if your child is drawn to the circle of the topic, discuss which opinion they understand better, what they would rule in a similar case (circle), and from there refine the need to see how the words of the Talmud lead to a legal ruling in that case (square).

Segmentation and Pre-Trial - Divide the topic into small units and provide a pre-title (from the root 'before'): give a title explaining what will be studied. Additionally, remind the child when you will study and precisely how long it will last (stop on time even if you haven't finished; it's generally better if the child wants more rather than is satiated). Help the child halt their momentum in their activities with a trigger marking the start of study, like having them read a prayer before learning, or a regular activity at the start of study. When interrupting the child from an activity you deem trivial, do so with respect. Remember, to the child, their play can be "matters of worldly importance."

Active Learning – Encourage the child to be active—leading, thinking, reading, explaining, completing sentences aloud, etc. Strive for the child to be more an active teacher rather than a passive listener. It's easier to connect with something created from inside out than from outside in. Concentration is easier in an active state than in a passive one.

Experiential Learning – Focus on positive emotions: enjoyment and satisfaction, a sense of success, curiosity and interest, feelings of value and meaning, joy and enthusiasm. For example, bring out the spiritual significance of the study, illustrate the topic, make it real, revitalize the drama that was in the Talmudic study house, incorporate stories of our sages about the scholars studying their teachings, about related places or events, so the child experiences the Talmud as something alive and real.

Connect to the Child's World - Some topics deal with examples not familiar to the urban student's daily life, like ox and cow. To ensure learning doesn't feel abstract and disconnected from real life, understand the principle expressed in the example the Talmud provided and find an example closer to the child's world expressing the same principle.

Engaged Learning – Encourage the child to "take a side" in the issue and say which opinion they would support and why. Connect the discussion to their sense of justice and logic. Allow them to ask questions from their perspective, even if they seem unimportant. Sometimes it might appear to the parent as if the questions come from a place of argumentativeness, distraction, or lack of seriousness. It might be their way of connecting to the topic or showing it matters to them. Even if the questions are not successful, they can be refined and given meaning. If they significantly disrupt the study flow, write them down and allocate respectful time at the end.

Practical Learning – Link the topic to the practical world to show that the Talmud is a relevant book of law, not merely past discussions. For example, translate the discussion into a practical question in today's reality if the child leans towards practical matters, or extract a theoretical question if the child prefers theoretical inquiries. You can use books by Rabbi Zilberstein, Rabbi Spitz, 'Maorot HaDaf Yomi,' illustrated Talmuds, and similar resources. Ensure to re-connect it back to the original topic so that the student becomes accustomed to finding things within the Talmud page. It's important they eventually become independent in Talmud study.

Chaim Dayan is a clinical social worker and doctoral candidate, chairman of the Attention Institute.