Finding Focus: A Parent's Guide to Managing Attention Issues

"Do you also deal with attention issues?", she asks me over the phone.

"What do you mean by deal, with the child or the mom?", I ask her.

"No, thank Hashem, I don't have attention issues, I'm talking about my 5-year-old daughter. Do you treat children too?"

"Yes", I answered, "I treat children, but there's a reason for my question. Attention issues aren't always just about the child (though they are, indirectly). In most cases, I help mothers resolve their children's attention issues without even meeting the children".

I hadn't even finished the sentence, and she was apparently very curious and asked, "So it's enough if I come?" "Yes", I replied. At least at this stage...

She continued, "Honestly, I'm exhausted from running around with him from one therapist to another. We even ended up with an emotional therapist somehow...", she sounded tired and desperate. "I want to set up a meeting". And we did.

Attention and focus issues are somehow prevalent today.

As a teacher for 17 years in the Department of Education, it wasn't very common back then. Today, almost every child has attention issues, emotional issues, or both.

What causes this? What's happening in recent generations? Different genetics? What does it depend on? How do we prevent it? Is there a solution? Is there treatment? And what if I absolutely don't want to medicate my child? I'm not sure if these treatments even help, maybe a little...

There are answers to all these questions and difficult dilemmas.

The solution is discipline and boundaries!

Notice, if your child has been diagnosed or not with attention issues, they find it hard to sit still, listen, or concentrate in class, as if they're on "pins". These are usually very energetic kids, more mischievous, if they want something, they think they must have it immediately, they struggle with delayed gratification, and the list goes on...

Do you recognize these symptoms?

And how do parents usually behave towards such children? They give them what they want/demand, they yield to them, they are not really consistent with them (because they might explode, get angry, and scream, even in public...). It's harder to impose authority on them, maybe they even pity them a little, or conversely, get angry and punish them nonstop.

But they're not getting the right treatment. This is a solution that can even be harmful.

From my experience as a kindergarten teacher, and even now as I accompany mothers, I find that all the above solutions are temporary and short-term. And unsurprisingly, children are diagnosed and labeled as having attention issues.

So if you have a child at home who's overly energetic and finds it hard to accept authority, don't shy away from it!

Try doing the exact opposite.

Yes, insist on discipline (correct and positive, of course), yes, help them accept authority, and yes, help them with delayed gratification struggles. The help is not in giving in, agreeing, or surrendering when unnecessary - but exactly the opposite.

If you think it's not right for them to have something, or agree to something at the moment, be strong and speak your truth. Try pleasant ways, conversations, and talks with lots of faith that they are capable and can do it, because they can. They're practically asking this from you.

Every child without correct boundaries and discipline struggles with it (even though it seems otherwise). Children need strong, stable, and confident parents. A child needs power and authority to be their solid back (since they are weak), and that's what you give your child when you provide them with healthy and correct discipline.

And if it's tough, and you feel the path isn't so clear to you, or maybe you tried and failed (because educating requires knowing how...), please, don't rush to the medication that will solve the problem, and there's no need to quickly run to an emotional therapist either. Trust yourself, you're a mother, and you know how to check, scrutinize and find out the best solution for your child.

Today you discovered there's another solution... that maybe you haven't tried...

Add a prayer to Hashem to help you and guide you in knowing the best and right way for your child.

Good luck!

Yochi Danchi – Multidisciplinary emotional supporter and educational advisor specializing in discipline and authority, Conscious Motherhood Method Yd0548414745@imahut.org.il