Ziva Sagi: Discovering My ADHD Was a Huge Relief

Every teacher has encountered children with ADHD. Ziva Sagi, who spent many years teaching in elementary school, was no exception. She encountered so many such children that at one point, she decided to expand her knowledge and learn under a personal coach for ADHD: despite her master's degree, she felt she lacked the knowledge and tools to help these students. Her studies on the disorder shocked her. 'At first, I discovered my husband had ADHD, then my children, and finally, I came out of denial and realized I probably had ADHD too... I got tested, and my suspicion was confirmed.'

Sagi says the diagnosis provided her with enormous relief. 'I was a very successful teacher, but as a student in elementary and high school, I was a complete failure. I had low self-esteem due to my tendency to procrastinate, for example, and often wondered: am I really that shallow and careless? Otherwise, I wouldn't get into such messes. I'm exactly the type who schedules meetings, enters them in my calendar, but then forgets to check the calendar and misses the meeting... Once I understood that ADHD was behind it all, I experienced immense relief. I'm not broken! There's a reason behind this behavior! Tons of guilt were lifted off my shoulders, for the first time in my life.'

Discovering ADHD Late

This realization led Sagi to abandon her teaching career and transition into personal coaching for children and adults with ADHD.

The vast majority of adult clients who come to Sagi already know they have ADHD — and they are also on medication. However, Sagi says, medication is not a magic solution. 'The medication creates a neurological state that allows one to sit for long periods and perform tasks in an orderly manner. It also helps to improve memory. However, the medication cannot — and this point is critical — eliminate the automatic negative thoughts of people with ADHD. It can't solve the problem of anger — and eighty-five percent of those with ADHD also suffer from anger outbursts. The medication doesn't teach us how to organize our lives in general. Therefore, even people with ADHD who are already on medication still pay a heavy price: in education, at work, and in relationships.'

How is it possible that so many adults discover their ADHD very late in life?

'Adults teach themselves strategies to cope, and indeed some strategies are very effective — but they come with their own price. Sometimes people with a tendency to outbursts move to the opposite end of the spectrum and become people pleasers. Those who have trouble concentrating can find themselves hyper-focused, getting caught up in minutiae and missing the critical points.'

If adults come to Sagi because they're fed up with the lack of tools in their toolbox, kids usually come when their parents are worried about their social problems. 'Children with ADHD can have a variety of social issues. Some have a real social learning disability: they struggle to learn from observing their surroundings what the appropriate behavior in society is in each situation. Other children have social problems due to low self-esteem or their anger outbursts. And there are even children who are actually accepted socially and do have friends — but because of their negative thoughts, they think of themselves as lonely and rejected.'

'The Child Isn't Rude'

Are most of the children who come to you medicated?

'Some are indeed on medication,' she replies. 'Others have parents who oppose medication. And let's not forget that for ten percent of those with ADHD, no medication helps.'

In the first part of the coaching process, Sagi emphasizes identifying the child's strengths through games. 'When it comes to a religious child, for example, we discover their strengths in observing commandments. Suddenly, they realize they’re doing lots of good things! They pray! They attend father-son study sessions! Even the parents are amazed to see how much good there is in the child because it’s easy to overlook that in times of struggle...' Next, she says, they analyze the child's unique profile using questionnaires. At this stage, parents also fill out questionnaires about themselves, and some discover, as Ziva Sagi did years ago, that they too have ADHD, which explains a lot...'

The treatment at Sagi’s is essentially a coaching process, with both the child and the parents present at every session. 'Parents cooperate because they need to learn how to implement these tools. During the sessions, the child might bring up a social event they experienced, and together we analyze and learn what could be done differently. The brain is plastic, and with proper work, it is possible to train the brain for different responses. It doesn't happen immediately, but after 10-12 sessions, you can definitely see a difference in the child's ability to handle various social situations — as well as in their self-esteem.'

Sagi, having been a teacher herself, doesn't hesitate to confront educational staff and explain the child's difficulty. 'Teachers sometimes tend to label the child as rude and disrespectful. I gather them and explain that the behavior is neurological, after all, and the child cannot control it — nor apologize, as their self-esteem is already shattered! When I work with educational teams, we come up with solutions like coloring books during class, fidget toys, and the like.'

Most of Sagi’s clients are boys: it is usually harder to miss ADHD in boys since it's often accompanied by hyperactivity. But Sagi repeatedly warns parents and educators: Don't neglect the girls with ADHD just because they create less commotion.

 'For girls, typically, there's ADHD without hyperactivity, and they manage well until high school,' Sagi says. 'There, they already collapse under the need to concentrate for so many hours. Later on, many women pay a high price for ADHD as it causes them to struggle with organizing the household and with low self-esteem. Some couples almost separated over this. I once had a client whose husband was a community rabbi and never dared to let anyone into their home because of the chaos. After coaching with me, she came to report joyously: 'Today, people came to consult, and my husband, the rabbi, opened the door and let them in.' For them, it was a real miracle.'