From Struggle to Growth: A Warm Jewish Approach to ADHD

One important truth needs to be said clearly: children with ADHD are often in pain.

And not just once in a while but many of them feel this struggle constantly.

Pain is a physical or emotional reaction to something difficult. Suffering, though, is the story we tell ourselves about that pain. It’s how we interpret it. As parents, we may not be able to stop the pain our children feel but we can help shape how they experience it. We can teach them to see challenges as opportunities for growth, and we can stand by their side when things get hard.

It’s also important to let them make mistakes. We don’t need to prevent every bump or fall. What they truly need is someone who will be there for them with love, calm, and belief in their ability to grow from it.

Every painful moment can become a turning point. If we support our children with encouragement and faith in who they are, they’ll begin to believe in themselves too and little by little, they’ll grow stronger.

The Power of Belonging

When a child is going through something hard, one of the first things they may lose is a sense of belonging. That deep feeling of connection to their family, their school, the Jewish people, and even to Hashem can fade when they feel different, misunderstood, or left behind.

As parents and educators, it’s our job to make sure they don’t lose that feeling.

Let’s tell them, over and over again: “You are our child no matter what. We love you because you’re you, not because of how you perform or behave. You are part of your school. You are part of the Jewish people. You are a beloved child of Hashem, and He is always with you, just as you are.”

But don’t just say it. Show it. Let your actions match your words. Warm hugs, listening without judgment, sitting beside them at bedtime, showing up to school meetings and even simple eye contact during a hard moment can make a child feel like they still belong.

The Gift of Giving

Another way to help a child feel they belong is to give them a role. Let them contribute something real to their home, classroom, or community. This isn’t about making them feel useful, it’s about helping them know they are needed.

Children with ADHD often have unique talents, creativity, or energy. Find small ways for them to help others, and then point out the good they’ve done. Say things like, “The class really appreciated the decorations you made” or “Our Shabbat table was so much nicer with your help.” These words make a lasting impact.

Let Them Share Their World

Children, especially those who are struggling, want to be heard. They want to tell you what they’re feeling, even if they don’t always have the words.

Your job as a parent or teacher isn’t to solve everything. It’s simply to be present. Listen without jumping in with logic or advice. Try to feel what they feel. Show that you understand. Let them know you see their pain, and that they don’t have to go through it alone.

Clear Tasks and Realistic Expectations

One of the harder things for children with ADHD is following instructions and completing tasks. Sometimes it’s not that they don’t want to do it but they’re just overwhelmed or unsure where to begin.

Help them by giving tasks that are clear, short, and within their ability. When expectations are reasonable, children are more likely to accept guidance and follow through.

Also, recognize that they may need more time. Be flexible, but don’t remove the expectation altogether. Completing a task, even slowly, builds confidence. Let them succeed in their own way.

Some children process best by seeing, others by hearing. Try to notice what helps them absorb instructions more easily and use that method consistently.

They Need to Feel Wanted

When a child with ADHD is included, not treated as an exception or a burden then they feel something precious: that someone believes in them. That someone sees their neshama, their soul, and trusts their potential.

This kind of belief is a gift. And when we give it to them patiently, again and again it becomes the foundation they build their life on.