A Mentor’s Role in Helping Children With ADHD Feel Safe and Grow

Children living with ADHD often struggle with impulsive behavior. This can sometimes bring them into conflict with those around them not because they’re trying to cause trouble, but because their ability to control impulses is still developing. That’s why mentors, caregivers, or anyone working with these children need to be aware, patient, and ready with the right approach.

These kids may reach for things that aren’t theirs, test boundaries, or act out before thinking. Their inner limits aren’t yet solid, so they often need help from the adults around them to learn structure and self-control. But warnings, punishments, and harsh reactions usually don’t help, in fact, they can damage the trust that these children desperately need to build.

Mentors may feel torn. On one side, they truly want to help, to connect, and to offer real support. On the other, they might feel pressure to use their time together for academic progress or formal learning. That conflict can be confusing. Sometimes, mentors give more freedom than usual just to avoid battles and that’s okay, as long as it’s done with intention.

But if a mentor suddenly shifts from kindness to correction, the child might feel betrayed, thinking, “I’m not okay,” or “The mentor is against me.” To avoid this kind of break in trust, mentors should offer constant encouragement and warmth even when setting limits. This way, the child still feels emotionally safe, even when being corrected.

One gentle and helpful technique is for mentors to explain that limits are not punishments, but boundaries the mentor needs for themselves. Saying something like, “I need a quiet space to be able to help you,” keeps the focus off blame and protects the child from feeling hurt or shamed. When children know they aren’t being scolded or rejected, they’re more open to listening and adjusting.

Creating a Calmer Environment

Study time should take place in a quiet, calm location, without distractions. ADHD kids are often drawn to every sound, movement, or object around them. Too much stimulation makes it harder for them to stay focused. Choosing the right setting shows care and understanding.

Mentors must also keep in mind that these children may not have the self-control to handle frustration in the moment. That’s why it’s so important for the adult to be the calm one. Avoid reacting with anger or harsh criticism. If a child behaves in an extreme or disruptive way, sometimes it’s better to hold off on reacting right away. Wait, think, and later return to the moment to explain, gently, what happened and what could be done differently next time.

If the child doesn’t want to study at all, don’t rush to push. Sometimes, just sitting together, talking, or taking a walk can open the door to connection. Even when no formal learning happens, the child feels valued. That feeling alone brings progress.

Preparing for the Classroom

Ideally, mentoring sessions can help children feel more ready for school. The mentor can guide them through what to expect, and even prepare them emotionally to rejoin the classroom after getting distracted. It also helps when mentors and teachers work together, sharing strategies and ideas to give the child a consistent and supportive environment.

Becoming a Trusted Adult

Sometimes, parents themselves may not know how to help their child with ADHD. Even if the condition is explained to them, they may be overwhelmed, confused, or unsure of what to do. In these cases, the mentor takes on an even greater role.

The mentor becomes like a second parent, an “alternative parent.” This doesn’t mean replacing the child’s parents, but it does mean being a source of love, guidance, and support that the child might not have elsewhere. A mentor who shows up with care and consistency can become a real lifeline.

For a child with ADHD, having someone believe in them, stay by their side, and encourage them with heart, that can be life-changing. In a world that often sees only their challenges, the mentor becomes the one who sees their neshamah, their soul.