Breaking Free from Emotional Exhaustion: Practical Tools to Reignite Inner Motivation

In the early stages of depression, the condition can be addressed relatively easily. The first step is for the person to make a clear list of their daily activities and note beside each one whether it is something they want to do or need to do. A “want” activity means it’s done with positive motivation, whereas a “need” is done out of obligation or lack of choice.

In a healthy individual, there is typically a balanced mix of both “want” and “need” activities. We all do things we may not want to do, simply because we must. In a healthy life however, there are also many things one does willingly, or out of both necessity and desire.

A person suffering from low mood or bordering on depression may find that most of their actions fall into the "need to” category. Their life becomes one big list of obligations: they need to get up in the morning, be nice to others, cook dinner, go to work or study, etc.

A life driven solely by obligation is mentally destructive and a person operating only out of duty loses their emotional vitality and begins to feel that their life lacks meaning or importance (as taught by Rabbi Isaac Sher in Leket Sichot Mussar).

Moreover, a life without emotional engagement prevents one from living a meaningful spiritual life. Without emotional sensitivity, one cannot serve G-d with joy, passion, or enthusiasm which may distant and unattainable.

Of course, this doesn't imply that people should chase pleasures or do only what they feel. Rather, the goal is to bring want into what we need to do, and to find meaning and enjoyment in even the obligatory parts of life.

Bring Back Desire into Life!

If a person reviews their daily activities and finds that they’re mostly doing things out of obligation, that’s the point where change must begin. They should start by incorporating desirable activities into their day, by making a list of simple, positive experiences and weaving them into their routine.

These don’t need to be grand efforts. On the contrary, simple and low-effort activities are more effective. Examples include visiting friends or family, physical exercise, listening to music, reading, or engaging in a hobby.

Realistically, for someone in a depressed state, even the idea of doing something enjoyable can feel impossible. This isn’t due to asceticism, but because they’ve lost faith in the possibility of feeling good. They may claim they have no desire for anything joyful.

Still, it’s important to go through the motions, even artificially at first. The part of the mind resisting positive action is the unhealthy part. It’s the part that believes life cannot improve and that joy isn’t attainable. It is therefore essential to schedule these activities and stick to them, even without initial enthusiasm.

The resistance forms a sort of psychological block, but when the it begins to break, the person will likely start to rediscover positive experiences, even if they are unable to imagine it at the moment.

No Internal Battles!

If someone tries to force themselves to read a book for pleasure, intrusive thoughts might rush in: “How can you allow yourself to enjoy a book when the future is so bleak?” or “You don’t deserve to be happy!”

At this point, they have two options:

1. Fight back. Argue internally- “I do deserve this! The future isn't necessarily bleak!” This often leads to an exhausting internal struggle that leaves the person emotionally drained, and with no real joy from the experience.

2. Let go of the fight. Acknowledge the intrusive thoughts: “Maybe I don’t deserve this. Maybe the future is dark.” Accept these thoughts without resistance, and continue reading. Focus on the experience itself, even if it's not perfect.

In this second approach, even if only four out of ten minutes were truly enjoyable, it’s a victory. It becomes a small but powerful experience that proves to the person that not everything is hopeless. They experienced a positive moment, and that changes everything.

This method is far more effective. As the Sages said, “Do not try to appease a person when they are angry” (Berachot 7a). Fighting someone in the middle of their emotional turmoil never works. The same is true within ourselves.

When someone is in a depressed or in a dark mental space, their entire perception becomes skewed toward negativity. Trying to rationally argue with this inner state is often futile. The only way to truly shift it is by gently allowing room for small positive experiences, without resistance or argument. Once the person begins to encounter even brief moments of joy again, their perception may gradually begin to change from within. That’s how healing begins.