Breaking the Cycle of Depression: How Small Actions Can Lead to Big Change

If we try to define the emotional state that characterizes a person going through depression or chronic sadness, we might say it's a kind of emotional paralysis. The person avoids action and initiative, because in their mind, based on how they feel in the present, the future looks bleak. They take their current pain and use it as a tool to "predict" what’s ahead. Considering that they expect nothing good, they don’t see the point in trying. They lose the motivation to act, convinced it won’t lead anywhere better.

Someone in a depressive state may stop functioning altogether. They may even neglect the most basic needs such as eating, hygiene and human connection.

Of course, not everyone who worries about the future becomes depressed. Worry becomes dangerous when a person gets emotionally "locked in," unable to imagine a future that's any better than their present. This mindset directly contradicts a deeper spiritual view that sees the future as something dynamic and held in divine hands- a future that can shift in an instant, no matter how dark things feel.

A story is told about the Chafetz Chaim, a leading Jewish scholar, that illustrates this well. One day, a distraught wagon driver came to him crying because his horse- his only source of income- had died. Without the horse, he felt helpless and unable to support his family. The Chafetz Chaim wept with him, but not for the same reason. He cried because it pained him that a fellow Jew could believe his livelihood depended on a horse and wagon, as if they were the true source of sustenance.

The idea that our efforts aren't the true source of our success is expressed in a deeper reading of a daily prayer: “Provide our livelihood in ways that are permitted (‘beheter’) and not forbidden (‘be'isur’).” On the surface, we are asking for an honest livelihood, however some commentators suggest a broader interpretation: “heter" represents openness and emotional freedom- the ability to see possibility, whereas “isur” symbolizes a mind locked in fear, convinced there’s only one rigid path forward. We’re not only asking for a job that’s kosher, but for a mindset that’s free.

The core mistake we make in life is trying to judge reality through the narrow lens of our current emotions or understanding. Our thinking is limited, but the universe is not. Things can shift in ways we’d never expect, and statistics and logic aren’t the only forces at play. As the saying goes, “Don’t tell G-d how big your problems are- tell your problems how big your G-d is.”

A striking example of this appears in the Talmud (Ketubot 104a), during the final illness of Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi (“Rabbi”). The sages declared a fast and forbade anyone from announcing his death, because as long as people believed Rabbi was alive, their prayers would remain strong enough to bring him back- even from the edge of death. The moment they gave up hope, their prayers would lose power. The belief in possibility was that crucial.

The same is true in our lives. If we believe our challenges are too big to overcome, they will be. If we confine ourselves to what we've known, based on past disappointments, we are trapped. Once we acknowledge that life is full of surprises, that healing and growth can come from unexpected directions.

There’s a verse in Genesis where Jacob blesses his sons, and when he reaches Dan, he says, “For Your salvation I wait, O G-d.” Why this line, and why for Dan? The Chafetz Chaim explains that Dan had only one son, and even he was deaf. It seemed like there was no future for that tribe. Jacob's message was clear: never limit G-d’s ability to surprise you. Sure enough, Dan eventually became one of the largest tribes in Israel, far surpassing others that had started out with more obvious promise.

The Vicious Cycle of Depression

Still, for someone suffering from depression, hopeful thinking can feel completely out of reach. The individual is not just sad- they are certain nothing will ever improve. Why try, if nothing will change?

As a result of this thinking, they withdraw. They stop trying and stop engaging. Ironically, that avoidance only deepens the very depression they’re trying to escape. This creates a psychological feedback loop: the less they do, the worse they feel, and the worse they feel, the less they do.

Over time, this cycle becomes a sort of identity. The person sees themselves as incapable, worthless, and hopeless. It shows in their body language, in their slow walk, downcast head, low and tired voice. It’s not humility, but despair. The message they send to the world is: life is too heavy for me.

What Can Help?

The solution doesn’t always lie in analyzing the past. Sometimes, trying to fix what happened years ago only reinforces the idea that the present is ruined beyond repair. Instead, it can be more helpful to focus on the symptoms that are maintaining the depression in the present.

By addressing those behaviors and patterns directly- by breaking the cycle- we give the person a fighting chance. If someone can start taking small actions again, even while still feeling hopeless or heavy, that can be the first step out of the pit.

For instance, a person may have become depressed after losing a job. Rather than diving deep into that specific event, it may be more effective to help them simply start looking for work again, because searching is an empowering act in itself. The same is true for attending a family gathering or calling an old friend. These small moves disrupt the cycle of isolation and passivity. Slowly, action begins to restore self-worth.

Initially, the results won’t always feel good. Some activities will feel pointless or even unpleasant. That’s okay. The goal isn’t to feel amazing, but to keep moving forward. Over time, the emotional landscape begins to shift.

Hope Is a Practice

People who are depressed often stop acting because they no longer believe that action will lead anywhere. However, if they can experience that taking initiative might lead to something good, the spell begins to break. The more they act, the more chances they have to feel a spark of meaning or connection so that even when nothing changes right away, they’ve still accomplished something by refusing to give up. This journey is not fast. It’s not easy. But it is possible.

Start small. Twice a day, do something active, without worrying about how it feels or what the outcome will be. Some days it will feel pointless, while on other days it might even feel nice. Over time, the motion itself builds momentum.

Healing often begins not with a sudden transformation, but with a quiet decision to stop standing still.