How to Forgive Yourself and Let Go of Guilt: A Powerful Path to Emotional Healing

When was the last time you sat alone with yourself and said, “I’m sorry”? Sorry for the moments you judged and criticized yourself harshly? When did you last ask forgiveness for neglecting your own needs, dreams, or self-worth?

Paul Boese once wrote: “Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.”

Guilt, anger, and repressed sadness don’t serve us. They create stress, inflammation, and illness- both physical and emotional. Many of us carry heavy emotional burdens, like a sack of regret weighing down our hearts. Regret over mistakes or poor choices. "Until you completely forgive, you remain chained. Release the chains, and you will be free.”

We, especially women, are often champions of self-criticism. We hold ourselves to high standards, shaped both by internal pressure and societal expectations. This triggers automatic behavior of judgment and blame, when what we truly need is love and compassion for ourselves.

We judge ourselves so harshly that if we spoke to a friend the way we speak to ourselves, that friend would likely walk away. Before asking others for forgiveness,- which is indeed important, especially before Yom Kippur- pause and begin by forgiving the most important person in your life: yourself. 

Forgiveness is cleansing, healing and it renews. It opens the heart to progress- whether in career, relationships, health, parenting, or self-worth. Forgiveness helps us feel worthy of abundance, of joy, and of love.

There’s no better time than now to begin the process of forgiving yourself for your past and your former self. This is a process of purification. "He who confesses and forsakes will be shown mercy.” Take responsibility, acknowledge the mistake, learn from it, and let go of the torment. What happened occurred because those were the resources you had at the time.

Guilt is one of the greatest energy-drainers. It holds us back and sabotages growth. Anger, guilt and lack of self-forgiveness trap us in the past. Self-forgiveness is one of the most powerful steps toward freedom. It’s like releasing a rotting sack of potatoes off your back- physically and emotionally. Forgiving yourself is a key step toward self-love and self-acceptance.

Instead of asking “Why did this happen to me?” which weakens you, ask instead, “What can I learn from this?” Everything that happens is under Divine supervision, for your growth and development.
Mistakes are how we learn. No one stands firmly in Torah unless they have stumbled through it first.

Mistakes aren’t failures- they are life’s greatest teachers. Think of a toddler learning to walk. They fall dozens of times, and through falling, they learn to walk. If they said, “I won’t fall, so I won’t try,” they’d never walk. We must adopt the belief: “There is no failure, only feedback for growth.”

What do you do in a self-forgiveness process?

1. Take a pen and paper.
   On the right side, list things you’ve done that you feel ashamed or regretful about.
   Examples: I entered a failing business, I let people take advantage of me, I neglected my health…

2. On the left side, give yourself compassion:
   What was your positive intent at the time? Why did you act that way?
   Examples: I wanted love. I needed connection. I didn’t know better. I acted from the resources I had then…

3. Write what lessons you learned.
   For example: I learned I have more than two options in life. I learned that honesty matters. I learned I want to be loyal to myself…

This is a powerful NLP technique because it’s not about judgment, but about understanding with empathy and gentleness.

Now, cut the page in half.

• The right side of your past mistakes: burn them in a metal bowl or tear them into shreds.
  As you do, say aloud:
  “Just as I burn this paper and it disappears, so I release and forgive myself. May G-d forgive me as well.” You can throw away or bury the ashes.

• The left side, the page with compassion and life lessons: keep it.
  Read it each evening for 30 days. Let the compassionate voice soak into your heart.

At the end of the month, part ways with that page too, because the process is complete. You are whole. You are worthy.

Let go of guilt, forgive yourself and embrace your humanity. Only then can you truly feel free to live with light, purpose, and joy.