The Power of Emotional Healing: From Inner Struggle to Self-Discovery

“Know Your Soul – Know Your Creator” (Rabbi Wolbe)

When a person finds themselves in emotional distress, struggling with challenges to the point that their daily functioning is impaired, and they no longer feel at peace with themselves, it’s time to seek professional help. Every Jew has a responsibility to know their soul, to be self-aware and introspective. As the saying goes, “There is no happier day for a Jew than the day their doubts are removed”. Our ultimate goal as Jews is to serve G-d with joy and wholeness.

The greater self-awareness we have, the deeper our relationship with the Creator becomes. As Rabbi Wolbe writes in Alei Shur (Vol. I, p. 136): “Not feeling ourselves is the dullness of heart that the Torah calls tum’ah (impurity).” Self-awareness is a manifestation of holiness.

As a clinical social worker, I spent years working at a therapeutic center for at-risk girls, and dealt with a wide range of emotional struggles, complex family dynamics, and personal crises. 

One girl I worked with, whom I’ll call Leah, had stopped attending high school, was out of any structured setting, and roamed the streets at night. Her parents were struggling both as a couple and in their parenting. Leah suffered from severe anxiety, social phobia, violent outbursts, and deep mistrust of adults. She felt unseen and unloved. She slept excessively, or tried to escape through repeated attempts to run away.

Her first encounter with me as her therapist was difficult. Leah distrusted therapy, saw it as a waste of time, and called it “a total joke”. One day, as she prepared to run away again, I gently pointed out that every time she tried to flee, she told someone in advance- perhaps a hidden call for help. If she truly wanted to disappear, she could have done so without a word. We had a short but honest conversation by the gate, with one foot already outside, as she hugged her bag tightly. I spoke to her about how much she was hurting and how much she needed help. For the first time, she didn’t respond with sarcasm or anger. She listened. I ended by saying: “Now the choice is yours. Your future depends on your willingness to engage. I’ll be here tomorrow, at our regular time.”

“Anxiety in a person’s heart? Let them speak it out” (Proverbs 12:25)

The clock read 4:50 p.m. I wondered whether Leah would show up after our intense exchange the day before. The weather was stormy. At 4:55, there was a loud knock. Leah stood at the door. Hesitant, she said in a trembling voice: “You’re right. I’m running away. I know you’re right… but how can talking help? How can conversations make a difference?” I invited her in.

The session was filled with fear, but also something new: hope. Until then, fear had outweighed her frustration, but now, the frustration was heavier, tipping the scales toward action. In the sessions that followed, Leah spoke openly about the inner conflicts she carried, the disconnect between her sacred desires and her sense of helplessness to achieve them.

The therapy had its ups and downs. Leah repeatedly questioned whether talking actually helped. That week, she’d been physically ill with nausea. I used the metaphor of vomiting to illustrate the emotional relief that comes through talking in therapy. Just as the body feels awful when holding in a virus, and gets temporary pain during release, afterward, there's a noticeable sense of relief. The same is true for the emotional “toxins” we release through conversation. That metaphor stuck with her.

In later sessions, Leah spoke nonstop. For perhaps the first time in her life, she was the center. She came first and her needs mattered.

Healing Through Connection

The therapy began to show real results. Her outbursts decreased significantly and she stopped running away. With a strong support system in place, Leah passed her matriculation exams. That was the time to turn the therapeutic spotlight onto our relationship, using it as a mirror for her interactions with others. Slowly, she practiced healthy social behaviors, leading to small victories that for her, were monumental.

Therapy ended in 12th grade when she left the program. She was no longer considered “at-risk”, and was accepted into a respected seminary. I was proud of her journey toward “knowing her soul- knowing her Creator.” The fruits of this work were sweet, as they always are.

Chana Shklovsky is an emotional therapist.