Breaking Your Inner Siege: How to Overcome Self-Limiting Beliefs and Emotional Paralysis

We are currently in the period of Bein HaMetzarim- the Three Weeks between the 17th of Tammuz and the 9th of Av. These are days which commemorate the breach of Jerusalem’s walls, its capture, destruction, and the burning of the Holy Temple.

Before the enemies physically breached the city walls, they laid siege to Jerusalem. They surrounded it with a powerful army to cut it off from the rest of the country and weaken its defenses. This military strategy made the eventual conquest of the holy city far easier.

A siege is a blockade, isolation, or confinement which places the attacker in a position of power and control. It mentally and physically weakens those trapped inside so that hunger, thirst, and lack of weapons deplete their strength and morale, fueling helplessness and leading ultimately to surrender. That is the enemy’s goal, and this is the way it is achieved.

There is another kind of siege that is not physical, but mental. It is a siege that we impose upon ourselves. We become both the besieged, and the one enforcing the siege. Sometimes this becomes a way of life, and sometimes it affects only certain areas of our life. Either way, the self-imposed siege holds us back from personal growth, emotionally, relationally, and socially.

Our inner siege often begins with a sense of helplessness and lack of self-belief. We cling to limiting beliefs that hold us back and attribute our failures to our inner flaws while crediting any success to outside factors. We lack the motivation to invest effort in meaningful goals, leading to mediocrity or worse. This only reinforces the feeling of inadequacy and “proves” to us that we are incapable. Like a vicious cycle, repeated failures strengthen this belief and drain our motivation, leading us to give up and “surrender” our own potential.

Just as soldiers breach walls using a variety of strategies such as studying past successes, undermining foundations, using clever tactics, fighting face-to-face, and above all, acting with persistence- we too can break down the walls that trap us- the walls of fear, doubt, and self-limitation. We can free ourselves from the siege.

First, we must believe that we can succeed, grow, and overcome. We can look to others similar to us who have succeeded and ask, what did they do differently? What helped them progress? What did they stop doing?

We must release and challenge limiting beliefs that keep us small. Is this really my belief, or one I absorbed from others? Is this absolutely true? Is it true in all situations? Then replace that belief with an empowering one. Start repeating positive affirmations that build your sense of self-worth. Say: “I can!” “I’m capable!” instead of “I can’t.”

Finally, commit to one small step, and follow through with consistency and determination. Completing even a small task successfully will spark a sense of capability and build self-belief, which leads to greater motivation and more success. You'll not only feel proud of the task, but you’ll feel proud of yourself for not giving up.

As Tony Robbins says: “A real decision is measured by the fact that you've taken action. If there's no action, you haven't truly decided.”

Let's make the decision to break through the siege, and to breach the walls, today.

Ruth Ben Simon is a Psychotherapist.