How Can I Serve Hashem When My Heart's Not In It?

There are few things as difficult as serving Hashem when our hearts aren’t in it, when we don’t feel either connected or fulfilled. What can we do when mitzvot leave us cold; when learning Torah doesn’t feel inspiring; when our prayers are recited without emotion?

In his book Nafshi Beshe’ilati, Rabbi Yaakov Lugasi addresses all this, and more. First of all, however, he emphasizes that sometimes, it’s perfectly normal to feel this way.

“Know, my friend, that this too is an aspect of serving Hashem, to serve Him without feeling,” he writes.

When there is no reward in this world, there is reward in the World to Come

Rabbi Zusha of Anipoli, one of the earliest Chassidic Masters, would often say:

“I hope I will merit entering the World to Come, and if I do, my reward will not have been earned from my ‘good days,’ when I experienced spiritual enlightenment and served my Creator with wonderful Torah insights and genuine yearning for connection. Why should I deserve a reward for that? After all, those feelings themselves are the pleasure of the World to Come.

“Rather, I hope that I will merit to enter the World to Come as the reward for all the years of struggle before I attained such levels—the years when I tried and failed to pray with true feeling, when it was so hard to focus on the deeper meaning of the words, when learning Torah was a constant struggle and I persevered regardless.”

(Adapted from sefer Shomer Emunim)

The challenge of our generation

The Talmudic Sages described the period of time before Moshiach comes (often referred to as the End of Days, and which we are now living through) as extremely difficult in many ways. Rabbi Lugasi notes that one of the main challenges in this period is lack of inspiration.

Like any challenge, its purpose is to force us to discover hidden strengths in order to overcome it. Will we continue to serve Hashem and perform mitzvot even when we feel disconnected? Will we continue to pray even when we feel so lacking in motivation? Will we continue to learn Torah even when it feels like such hard work? Or will we give up?

What we do when faced with this challenge is the greatest sign of our commitment. Rabbi Lugasi writes: “This is how we prove the sincerity of our faith and our whole-hearted devotion to Hashem—precisely when we serve him without feelings of inspiration.”

The greater the difficulty, the greater the reward

Our Sages have stated: “[Performing a mitzvah] once with difficulty is worth [performing it] a hundred times without difficulty” (Avot d’Rabbi Natan).

This applies to all aspects of our service of Hashem—our prayers, our mitzvot, our Torah study. When we struggle to make the right choices, and especially when we feel no sense of satisfaction from the struggle, our reward is a hundred times greater.

This doesn’t mean that we are doomed to a lifetime of lifeless prayers, uninspired mitzvot, and constant effort to learn Torah. Our Sages teach that, “Someone who fulfills the Torah despite his poverty will eventually fulfill it with wealth.” Poverty can be both spiritual and physical. The Torah tells us that when we serve Hashem even though we feel distant and cold, we will ultimately be blessed with spiritual riches and immense satisfaction in our prayers, mitzvot, and Torah learning.