The Art of Visiting the Sick: Why It's More Than Just a Mitzvah

Previous chapter: What to Consider When Facing a Serious Diagnosis?

Let's delve into several issues related to visiting those who are seriously ill:

Often, during times when a patient needs family and social support the most, they may feel uncomfortable during social or family gatherings. Sometimes, they don't want to appear weak in public or be remembered solely as a 'patient,' preferring instead to maintain their healthy and vibrant persona.

Does this mean we should forgo the precious mitzvah of visiting the sick, which can be so supportive for the patient? Definitely not! To overcome the patient's discomfort, a phone call can fulfill the mitzvah too. Some patients, who would rather avoid face-to-face meetings, find they can engage in longer and more emotionally open conversations over the phone.

Emotionally, a phone call provides nearly the same value as an in-person visit: it allows the patient to maintain connections, offers support, respects their wishes, and preserves their dignity.

Of course, physically visiting a patient has its unique value, as it can stir compassion in the visitor, encouraging heartfelt prayer for the patient's recovery. Moreover, physical acts of kindness, like actual visits, have significant worth.

Additionally, beyond the basic aspect of the mitzvah—visiting the patient—there's another essential meaning: assessing the patient's needs. Perhaps they lack medication or need help obtaining a second medical opinion. Thus, you should 'review' their needs and strive to assist them. Importantly, such a review can only be thoroughly conducted through a physical visit where you can get a clear impression of the patient's condition and needs.

Yet, if we respect the patient's wishes, it is usually the best course of action for them, though every case should be examined individually.

Before we proceed, it is worthwhile to note an additional aspect concerning the mitzvah of visiting the sick.

While the simple understanding of visiting the sick suggests physically visiting, it's important to know that such visits carry significant healing power. They can tangibly improve the patient's condition. When patients feel they are not alone and that friends care about them, it instills a sense of hope, enabling them to battle the illness more effectively.

As the Talmud in Nedarim (40a) recounts: "A disciple of Rabbi Akiva fell ill, but the sages did not visit him. Rabbi Akiva visited him, and because he honored him and arranged his surroundings, the disciple survived. He told Rabbi Akiva, 'You have revived me!' Following this, Rabbi Akiva declared, 'Anyone who does not visit the sick is like one who sheds blood.'"

Consider this: organizing and cleaning a patient's room may not drastically change their health status. So why does Rabbi Akiva compare avoiding this to shedding blood? Based on the above, it becomes clear: when a patient feels cared for and that efforts are made for them, it positively affects their mental resilience, which in turn strongly impacts their health!

Indeed, regarding Rabbi Akiva's story, the "Shitah Mekubetzet" (Nedarim 40) notes: "It is mentioned in the book of doctors that the patient's bed should be arranged as if a great minister were to lie on it." Medical instructions were offered in those books to improve the patient's health. Even doctors of such eras understood that if a patient's spirit is uplifted, if empathy is shown to their needs and respect is given by arranging their bed with importance, it could greatly impact their health!

Aiming to Support, Not Judge

Back to our main point: One thing is absolutely clear without a doubt: when someone suffers from afflictions, it is the worst time to remind them of their wrongdoings and prompt them to repent. Not only is this ineffective, but it could also worsen their condition!

This tactic backfired in the story of Job, whose friends visited him and critiqued his actions, hoping for rectification and salvation. Our sages teach us (Baba Metzia 58b) that this is not the appropriate approach for us! When visiting the sick or encountering someone suffering, one should listen to their distress, allow them to express their pain, and avoid using the occasion to criticize them.

Even if we believe this reasoning to be true, and even if we are convinced that the person is being punished for past actions, now is not the time to express this. Blaming them during such a moment is defined as 'verbal oppression' (BM, ibid), which is indeed prohibited!

When we come to visit a patient, it is important to bring optimism and positivity with us, filled with joy and hope, which will positively influence the patient. Being serene and happy ourselves, we instill hope in the patient, and hope itself can significantly increase the chances of recovery! Hence, it is crucial not to discourage the patient with thoughts that their illness is a punishment for their sins.

Even mere false hope can be beneficial for the patient's healing and survival chances. It boosts their personal resilience, raises cortisol levels in their body, and helps them better cope with their illness. In fact, strengthening a patient’s mental fortitude can extend their life by up to ten years!

The Challenge of Visiting the Sick

I must mention, it’s not always easy to bring positivity into the room of someone suffering from a severe illness. Often, the patient themselves radiate a sense of distance due to the emotional struggle they experience within, leading those around them to keep their distance, seemingly respecting their wishes.

However, one must understand that when a patient feels isolated from their surroundings, their struggle intensifies sevenfold. Beyond the hardship of the illness itself, they experience feelings of abandonment and loneliness, worsening their mental state, especially in those who were socially active before falling ill.

This also applies to medical staff. Sometimes, the distance a patient conveys causes staff to avoid approaching or inquiring about their wellbeing, even though experience clearly shows that even minimal daily interest can significantly reduce patient anxiety and aid in their recovery!

Studies have shown that patients in rooms with windows facing outdoors, to the sky or scenery, demonstrated better improvement than those in windowless rooms. The solitude of those in closed-off rooms without a connection to the outside world significantly affects their condition, while a window provides a connection to life beyond the hospital walls!

For this reason, when visiting a patient, taking them for a short walk in the fresh air is recommended. The room in which they are confined intensifies their feelings of loneliness, amplifying numerous negative emotions already in their hearts. A few minutes outside can be profoundly impactful, improving both their mental and physical state!

Of course, care must be taken not to overwhelm the patient. The intention isn’t to force them into the fresh air or to accept visitors when they’re unwilling or find it burdensome. Instead, the idea is to underscore that one shouldn't be deterred by a patient’s isolation or request to remain in their space. Sometimes, with consideration and communication, you might find that they change their mind, gladly accepting suggestions that can uplift their spirits and, consequently, their health.