Visiting the Sick: How Emotional Support Can Save Lives

While visiting the sick is a great mitzvah, often, precisely during the period when a patient needs the greatest possible social and family support, they may feel uncomfortable with visits. Sometimes they do not want to be seen in their weakness; at other times, they do not want to be remembered as “the sick person” and prefer to preserve the image of themselves as healthy and energetic.

Is this a reason to forgo the precious mitzvah of visiting the sick — a mitzvah that can so deeply assist a person in their condition? Clearly not. To overcome the patient’s discomfort, the mitzvah can be fulfilled through a phone call. Many patients who preferred to avoid face-to-face encounters were actually able to speak more openly and for longer periods over the phone.

From an emotional standpoint, a phone call carries nearly the same value as an in-person visit: it allows the patient to remain connected to others, provides a support network, and at the same time preserves their dignity and respects their wishes.

The Unique Value of a Physical Visit

Of course, a physical visit has additional value — among other reasons, because it more deeply arouses the visitor’s compassion and leads them to pray for the patient with more intention. Moreover, kindness performed physically, through an actual visit, carries a greater dimension of chesed (kindness).

In addition, it is important to remember that beyond the basic meaning of the mitzvah of visiting the sick — simply being present, there is another essential component: examining the patient’s situation. The word bikur (visiting) also implies review or assessment: checking whether the patient lacks anything. Do they need medication? Help obtaining another medical opinion? Assistance with daily needs?

This kind of attentive “review” can truly be done properly only through a physical visit, where one can gain a clear impression of the patient’s condition and needs.

Still, honoring the patient’s wishes is generally the most appropriate course of action, though each situation must be evaluated individually.

The Healing Power of Being Cared For

Before continuing, it is worth adding an important aside regarding the mitzvah of visiting the sick.

While we have explained that its simple meaning is visiting the patient, it is crucial to know that such a visit has significant medical value and a proven ability to improve the patient’s condition. When a patient feels they are not alone — that friends care about them and are concerned for their well-being, this awareness instills hope and enables them to fight illness more effectively.

Thus, the Gemara in Nedarim (40a) relates the story of a student of Rabbi Akiva who fell ill. None of the sages visited him, but Rabbi Akiva did. Because Rabbi Akiva honored him and cleaned his surroundings, the student recovered. The student said, “My teacher, you have brought me back to life!” Rabbi Akiva then taught: “Anyone who does not visit the sick is as though he sheds blood.”

At first glance, it seems obvious that cleaning a patient’s home cannot, by itself, decisively affect their medical condition. Why, then, does Rabbi Akiva equate neglecting this mitzvah with bloodshed?

In light of what we have explained, the matter becomes clear: when a patient feels cared for, valued, and supported, this has a profound mental effect on their ability to cope — an effect that can directly influence their physical health.

Indeed, the Shitah Mekubetzet notes that medical texts already taught that a patient’s bed should be prepared “as if a great noble were to lie upon it.” Even physicians of that era recognized that elevating a patient’s morale, showing empathy, and honoring them could have a decisive impact on recovery.

Visiting the Sick — Not Rebuking Them

Returning to our main point, one principle is absolutely clear: when a person has been struck by suffering, this is the worst possible time to remind them of their sins or urge them to repent. Not only is this ineffective — it may actually worsen the patient’s condition.

We find that when suffering came upon the righteous Iyov, his friends rebuked him, believing this would lead him to correct his ways and be saved. However, our sages teach (Bava Metzia 58b) that for us, this is not the proper path. When visiting the sick, one must listen to their pain, allow them to express themselves, and not use the moment to rebuke.

Even if one believes that suffering is a consequence of past actions, now is not the time to say so. Casting blame at such a moment constitutes verbal oppression (ona’at devarim) and is a serious prohibition.

When visiting a patient, we should bring warmth, kindness, and optimism. A visitor who is calm and positive transmits hope — and hope itself can significantly increase a patient’s chances of recovery. For this reason, it is critical not to discourage the patient by framing their illness as punishment for sin.

It is worth noting that even “false hope” can sometimes aid healing and improve survival. Hope strengthens resilience, improves the body’s stress response, and helps the patient cope more effectively with illness. In fact, strengthening a patient’s emotional resilience can extend life by as much as several years.

The Emotional Challenge of Visiting the Sick

It must be acknowledged that it is not always easy to bring optimism into the room of someone suffering from serious illness. Often the patient themselves conveys emotional withdrawal, stemming from inner pain, which causes others to keep their distance — sometimes out of a desire to respect their wishes.

In truth however, when a patient feels isolated, their suffering intensifies. Beyond the illness itself, they experience loneliness and abandonment, which worsens their emotional state — especially for those who were highly socially active before becoming ill.

This phenomenon is also seen among medical staff. At times, a patient’s withdrawn demeanor leads caregivers to minimize interaction, despite clear evidence that even brief daily check-ins of even just a minute or two, can significantly reduce anxiety and aid recovery.

Research has also shown that patients hospitalized in rooms with windows facing the outdoors, the sky, or a view, recover better than those in windowless rooms. Being confined in a closed space deepens feelings of isolation, whereas a window provides a sense of connection to the outside world.

For this reason, when visiting a patient, it can be beneficial to suggest a short walk in fresh air, if feasible. Even a few minutes outside the room can meaningfully improve mood — and as a result, physical condition as well.

Sensitivity Above All

Of course, care must be taken not to overburden the patient. The intention is never to force them to receive visitors or go outside when they are unwilling or unable. Rather, the point is not to be deterred by the patient’s initial withdrawal. It is important to gently explore possibilities with them.

Often, with a second thought, the patient may welcome such suggestions — discovering that small changes can lift their spirits and, in turn, positively affect their health.