How Do We Comfort After a Loved One's Passing? 5 Reflections

Beyond the Border

This week, I learned that the father of my friend who identifies as a skeptic passed away. His grief was immense - understandable under the circumstances.

I pondered: How does someone without faith find solace when losing a loved one? If there's no higher power or afterlife, how do they cope with such a loss?

What about those who believe? This time, our focus is for believers in Hashem - how can they find comfort when a close one passes away?

Believers hold onto the conviction that everything in life is from Hashem, who loves them and acts in their best interest. A person who believes in the eternal nature of the soul, and in an afterlife where rewards await for earthly deeds, can find solace more easily when a loved one dies.

The holy Alshich offers an encouraging parable: a mother and her son live in a basement in poverty, while their father resides in another land, wealthy and well-off. They yearn to be together, but cannot cross borders.

The mother now finds an opportunity to send her son across to his father.

She is torn between the pain of separation and the joy knowing her son is with his father, in abundance and happiness. What prevails? The sorrow or the joy for her son's wellbeing with his father?

A loving mother says: Though it hurts being apart, the happiness of knowing he’s at the best place - with his father - outweighs the pain.

Therefore, when a beloved family member passes, we know they are just 'beyond the border', returned to their Father in heaven - with the 'wealthy and loving' Father who takes care of all. This is the best place for them.

Hence, excessive mourning or unreasonable displays of grief shouldn't overtake us.

How Does Food Know the Right Path?

Two tubes run through our throat: the first is the 'trachea' connecting to the lungs for breathing; the second, the 'esophagus', leading to the stomach, facilitating eating and drinking.

To protect against choking while eating, the Creator crafted an automatic valve that closes the trachea during swallowing, guiding food safely into the esophagus.

(Image: shutterstock)

Moreover, if food mistakenly enters the trachea, a cough reflex expels it outward.

Could such a wonderful mechanism, indicative of a guided hand, have come into existence on its own?

"Gathered from the Ends of the Earth:"

With the founding of the state, Jews from all over the world arrived in Israel. The gathering of exiles is a miraculous event, defying rational logic:

How could a persecuted minority like the Jewish people, scattered everywhere, claim Israel - a coveted geographic location? It defies logic!

Yet, the Creator promises in the Torah a grand ingathering following a long exile: "The Lord your God will restore your fortunes and have compassion on you. He will gather you again from all the peoples where the Lord your God has scattered you. If your exiles are at the farthest edge of the heavens, from there, the Lord your God will gather you." (Deuteronomy 30:3-5).

The Creator even describes the unlikely travelers: "the blind, lame, pregnant, and those giving birth" will all gather together from everywhere "in a straight path": "I will bring them from the north country, and gather them from the ends of the earth – the blind and the lame among them, expectant mothers and those in labor – a great assembly will return here. With weeping they will come, and with supplications, I will lead them." (Jeremiah 31:7-8).

At that time, how would the blind, lame, or pregnant embark on such journeys? "Straight path" – before modern aviation, travel was on donkeys, yet aircraft and ships came from across the world, bringing people "straight over" to Israel. Who could have imagined such travel centuries ago? Yet, it was forecast as if they’d journey "like clouds, like doves to their nests": "Look and see! They all gather and come to you. Your sons come from afar…. Who are these that fly like clouds, and like doves to their windows?" (Isaiah 60:4-8).

Notably, for 2,000 years the land lay barren until Jewish return, sparking unprecedented settlement growth!

Again, a divine promise ensured that during the long exile, the land would remain desolate, not yielding to Israel's enemies: "I will desolate the land; so that your enemies who settle in it will be appalled…. Your land will be desolate, and your cities in ruins." (Leviticus 26:32-34).

But Hashem also promises Israel's return, rekindling nature to bloom once more as their exile concludes: "But you, mountains of Israel, will produce branches and fruit for my people Israel, for they will soon come home." (Ezekiel 36:8). What seemed a curse – desolation – was truly a blessing; the land flourishes for its sons alone!

Reflect: Who can promise such extraordinary processes? Who fulfills such words faithfully? Only the Master of history can forecast events and adjust the world's gears to fulfill His plans.

No Alterations

Many are baffled by this: how do we know today that the Torah is the same as given at Sinai?

First, in any synagogue, a Torah's reading mistake is corrected immediately, even a misplaced letter invalidates the scroll: reading is prohibited until corrected within 30 days. Why such fuss over a single letter? Because we transmit the Torah with precision from generation to generation.

Second, despite 2,000 years of exile, Jews everywhere maintained thousands of identical halachot, like brit milah, observing Shabbat, and tefillin, unaltered. Yemenite Jews followed the same brit milah as Polish Jews.

There are 304,805 letters in the Torah. Scrutinize Torah scrolls worldwide: every book matches precisely, with no letter added or missing!

One might expect variability in a hand-copied book across centuries. Yet, the remarkable consistency shows the precise transmission from father to son. Why? Because Israel meticulously preserved and handed down the Torah.

Professor Yigael Yadin marveled at the similarity between ancient phylacteries from Second Temple times found at Qumran and those used today, verifying the consistency of halachic features seen at Masada’s mikvaot.

Finally, the Torah's protective laws ensure no alteration. Consider: if some declared tefillin different, added a section, or altered an order, the community would denounce them. As inherited from Moses, so do we pass unchanged to the next generation. A great scholar can’t modify Torah commandments; nobody listens, as it breaches Torah’s prohibition: "Do not add or subtract from what I command."", (Deuteronomy 4:2).

Attempting to add implies flaws in the divine, serving personal agendas. A perfect matter needs no alteration. Torah’s additions imply deficit in the Divine...

Thus, rest assured, observing commandments as Moses received them at Sinai remains unchanged.

People of All Colors

Some people question: if we are descendants of Adam, why do we look different? This perceived variation supports evolutionary separate human species claims!

If genes are unchanging, how did skin color variations arise?

Indeed, species can change, but not into entirely new parts. Change happens within species, which is why we see diverse skin colors without species alteration.

All humans descend from Adam, so diverse skin tones stem from environmental adaptations. It's merely genetic variation, not evolution. Changes respond to climate and environment but are embedded within our DNA since inception.

(Image: shutterstock)

Genetic variation explains canine diversity; yet they're all still dogs, not descended from cats... This holds for skin tone: blacks and whites alike are human, sharing organs like eyes, nose, hands, and feet.

What causes skin color shifts?

Any skin tone change preexists in all our DNA from creation. This built-in mechanism adjusts pigment levels against sun exposure, increasing in sunny areas like Africa, decreasing in less exposure.

Understand these outer changes aren’t 'evolution', nor new creations, they’re inherent in each of us…