'That's So Nice of You!' But Is It?

Why not do someone a favor? If you put yourself out for someone else, even better -- right? In general that could be true. But taking too superficial an approach to this question can lead to unexpected outcomes.

Take the example of a driver stopping on a busy road to let a pedestrian cross even though there's no crosswalk. A nice gesture, isn't it? But what about all the vehicles behind that car now forced to wait while the person crosses the road? Did they all pay the price for that one person? And if lots of people lost out while just one or two people gained, was it still the right thing to do?

Now picture this: You're standing in line at the checkout in the supermarket, in a hurry to get home. You only have six items in your shopping cart. The person in front of you has a cart piled high with items, and she's next on line. Suddenly, someone hurries up to her with just three items in her hand and asks the lady in front of you if she can "just pay for these, real quick." The lady agrees -- but you're fuming. Glancing behind at the others waiting on line, you can see that many of them feel the same.

Now let's see what the Torah has to say.

Level One: The Mouse

The Talmud states, "Mice are wicked, for when they find grain, it's not just that they eat it, but they also call their friends to eat with them." What's so bad here? They invited their friends! Ah... but it wasn't their grain to share. 

Level Two: The Stork

The Talmud says, "Why is it called a stork [chassidah]? Because it performs acts of kindness [chessed] with its friends" by sharing its own food. Unlike the mouse, the stork takes food it finds in nature; it doesn't steal from homes. The stork doesn't call its friends to "join the feast" but rather shares what it finds with others, instead of keeping it all for itself. 

And yet, the stork is not a kosher animal. Why? Because it is only kind to its friends... Any other animal can go hungry.

Level Three: The Tzaddik

King David tells us in Psalms, "Happy is he who shows consideration to the poor." 

• The tzaddik doesn't know the poor people personally, but he helps them anyway.
• The poor are not in any position to reciprocate, but he helps them anyway.
• The tzaddik doesn't just help them -- he also shows them consideration. He takes care not to embarrass them with his help, or make them feel inferior.
• The tzaddik is careful not to make others suffer as a result of giving to the poor. He is thoughtful, not impulsive.

Summary

Helping others is wonderful. Just try to figure out first why you're doing it. If you want to impress your friends with your "generosity" which comes at other people's expense, it's no mitzvah.

Similarly, if you want to get that good feeling inside you from doing someone a favor, you may end up hurting others, even if you don't intend to, simply because your focus is on yourself and you just don't notice the impact you're having.

Be considerate. Take the entire picture into account and ask Hashem to help you get it right!