From Masks to Mirrors: Embracing Your True Self

The soul, by its nature, suffers from inner contradictions- a state experienced by every human being. This condition is also referred to as "back to back", and essentially describes a psychological state in which a person is disconnected from their inner identity—a gap between what is desired and what is actual, between one's inner, hidden desires and the way they are expressed outwardly. A gap between the external self and the inner self.

When a person carries these contradictions within them, they prevent genuine progress in life and block the expression of their true, inner self.

We can easily identify an example of such a contradiction when a person finds themselves in a social setting and feels that, unless they say what those around them want to hear, their place in the group—and the image others have of them—is in jeopardy. In such a state, they bury their true essence deep within, and outwardly wear a false mask, one they believe aligns with the expectations of those around them.

Of course, they tell themselves that the gain from sacrificing their authenticity will be greater if they act according to what they perceive to be others’ expectations.

These inner contradictions are, in fact, products of defense mechanisms—barriers we place between ourselves and the world because we fear expressing our true selves. But this barrier works both ways: it also blocks us from acting according to our own desires.

Eventually person with no self-worth becomes a people-pleaser, believing that their self-worth will be determined by external validation. This person finds themselves acting against their inner will and unconsciously creates a disconnect between what they truly want, and their drive to meet others’ expectations.

In this state, the person lives in disconnection from themselves, hiding their true face both from themselves and from the world. It’s no wonder, then, that they feel a sense of divine concealment—as if God's presence is hidden from them.

Only when a person agrees to live authentically, aligned with their inner essence, do they truly reconnect with themselves. Only then can they return to their innermost being—return, in essence, to themselves.

This is a moving, magical, even divine moment that often takes place at the end of every therapeutic process.

Teshuva as Healing for the Soul

Teshuva (repentance or return) in its deepest sense, beyond fulfilling commandments and lifestyle changes, is when the internal structure of the soul is transformed.

It is freed from the enslavement to lust and the desire to serve the ego. Instead, through proper inner work, it transitions to serving the Creator—with purpose, direction, and alignment with its true essence.

Teshuva allows me to reach a state of "face to face", in contrast to the earlier state of "back to back," and this eliminates the feeling of divine concealment.

In this state, the person is close to themselves and lives in alignment with their inner truth. In that space, there is no divine concealment, because when I connect to my essense, I am connecting to the divine spark that pulses within me.

Only when a person acts according to their inner will do they truly embody Hashem's will. In other words: Moshe (Moses) will embody the Moshe that G-d intended only when he agrees to be Moshe—and not someone else. When he agrees to be who he truly is—he will feel himself: the light of G-d that speaks and appears through him.

Returning to Myself - Connecting to Myself

Teshuva is essentially a return to the self within me. It enables and creates the connection between the “I” (my conscious self) and the “self” (my subconscious or essential self). It allows me to reconnect, from a deep and inner place, to my core identity, to my true self—which most fully and perfectly embodies my identity and essence. From there, I am able to fully express the Hashem's will.

For such a connection to be created, it requires us to face the parts of ourselves we’ve always avoided. It requires us to confront pain, failure, and breakdowns, and to be honest with ourselves, to recognize our sins and the ways we’ve distanced ourselves from who we truly are. It compels us to acknowledge the inner contradictions that control us—and begin to heal them.

When done correctly, this process leads to purification and healing of the soul, and ultimately bridges the gap between the “I” and the “self.” When a person is connected to themselves, to their core truth and to their deepest self, the path to connection with their Creator becomes much clearer and easier.

The core point of self-identity is the Divine point within them and is the place through which the Divine light shines within them.

This is the point of holiness within them, for their entire inner essence is like a vessel through which the divine light flows- and after teshuva, that light shines with its greatest intensity.

May we merit to return to ourselves, to our essence, and to our inner freedom.

Inbal Elhiany, M.A, is a certified therapist in NLP, mindfulness, and guided imagery, she writes and lectures in the field.