What Are You Doing With Your Life?

This is the story of Alon Anava, who went through a near-death experience at the age of twenty-seven. Previously anti-religious, this experience turned him into a Chabad follower.

During a social event, he felt unwell. He got into a taxi with a friend on the way home. Within minutes, his body slumped onto the seat, and he felt like part of him was leaving his body. He thought he was going to die. He felt enveloped in something as he floated, and time seemed to vanish.

Suddenly, he sensed he could see all the past and present events of the friend's life who sat beside him - all at once, and intensely quickly. Then, he saw his own future - his family mourning because he, their son, had died.

He moved into a terrifying silence and darkness. Fearing the Angel of Death might soon take him to an even scarier place, he heard a voice telling him he had passed away. He saw his body in the taxi where he passed out and asked himself, "Is this how it ends?... " In that experience, he felt that Hashem could help him, and he cried out with all his might for help. He saw a tiny, bright point of light. The light approached and formed a bright white and gold triangle. There was no sky - just a sense of something immense above him, making him feel as small as an ant.

Alon felt the divine presence beyond the illuminated form; his soul had no words to describe the immense, infinite power surrounding it.

Alon realized this entity was Hashem. He couldn’t speak - the light touched him, and instantly, all the world's knowledge poured into him like opening a computer file or turning on a water faucet. Alon could perceive everything, but initially processed little because the information influx was overwhelming. However, he felt an extraordinary pleasure unknown in this world, unparalleled to anything he'd ever known. He sensed the light conveying messages: "What are you doing with your life?" He responded that he needed help. He awoke under a dome-shaped ceiling - standing in darkness, in the middle of the room, less frightened but aware of standing naked^[1] in the presence of his family.

At that moment, he noticed that all of his life's spoken words were in the air - both the good and the not so good - and all the souls affected by these messages now appeared and could read the letters and words.

The souls focused solely on him and judged him. The shame was terrible... Every soul he had ever hurt, cursed, stolen from, or yelled at was present. He had no defender - he was completely alone. The head judge asked him: "Why should anyone listen to you?"

Then he saw (slowly) the entire journey of his life with commentary - what he did right and where he went wrong. It played like a movie everyone watched, and he was the "star." The shame was unbearable (as in the military, when the entire platoon is punished because of one soldier).

His feeling was, "What was I thinking while alive?" He had so many important missions to fulfill in this world, yet he achieved nothing.

He thought perhaps he couldn't be punished because he wasn't religious, making him like a captured child unaware of wrongdoing... But he was honest with himself and knew deep down he had no excuse. He simply didn’t wish to study Torah and fulfill mitzvot, and deliberately ate non-kosher - even on Yom Kippur.

According to Alon, the Zohar mentions that every secular Jew receives heavenly messengers up to seven times, informing them that Hashem exists and there are specific mitzvot to fulfill. Yet, he reached a point where he'd done nothing - and received his "indictment" that couldn't be ignored.

The judges asked him: 'What do you have to say for yourself?' He couldn’t answer. The judges continued: you have two options - return to darkness or go back to this world. Then they showed him future scenarios - himself with a beard and glimpses of the challenges he'd face in his new life.

His choice was clear: to return to this world.

Alon awoke in the taxi with no recollection. His friend was shouting, trying to rouse him from the faint he'd fallen into minutes before. A few minutes later, Alon remembered something had happened to him, but didn’t know what. The friend told him he had been dead... He refused to continue to the hospital, asking to go home instead. That day was Shabbat morning, and he felt compelled to take a religious step. He asked a friend to bring tefillin, but it wasn’t permitted on Shabbat. So he asked to go to the synagogue and join a Passover Seder held that evening. He was weak and ill for three weeks and then began to recover. One day, feeling better, he drifted into a nap at dusk, and suddenly, a clear, strong memory of the upper world experience returned. He recounted to the friend who was with him in the taxi what he saw about her past events, things he had no natural way of knowing - and she confirmed every detail. Alon began strengthening in Torah and mitzvot, and today he is a Chabad devotee, teaching Torah classes deeply and enthusiastically.