Why You Were Born Into Your Life: Jewish Wisdom on Suffering, Purpose, and Divine Design

We must know that G-d watches over His creations with individual and meticulous providence, especially over human beings.

Everything in a person’s life is divinely guided: to which parents they are born, whether religious or secular, wealthy or poor, joyful or depressed, healthy or sick, Ashkenazi, Sephardi, etc. Everything is directed with precise Divine supervision, tailored to the unique soul of that person and what it needs to repair and fulfill its purpose in this life.

A person must learn to accept their circumstances, recognizing that this is their personal path of growth and refinement and is exactly what will lead them to their highest purpose.

Someone born into hardship—say, to emotionally broken parents—may have caused a painful childhood, but many great individuals and righteous people have risen precisely from such difficulties. It is through these storms that they were given the strength to battle despair and sadness, and to grow through Torah and faith. Without those challenges, they may have never developed the drive to grow or opened their eyes to life’s deeper meaning.

On the other hand, those who failed to rise from their struggles sometimes fell again and again, to the point of despair. If you learn to transform your difficult situation into a growth opportunity, you can become strong, joyful, and resilient in the face of anything. There is no greater source of strength than the faith and trust that G-d is with you in every situation, and that your past, present, and future are all in His hands. If He placed you in a certain set of circumstances, those are exactly the conditions through which you are meant to serve Him, and fulfill your soul’s purpose.

You Chose This Life Before You Were Born

Our sages teach that you yourself chose your circumstances before you were born. This is illustrated by a powerful parable told by the Chafetz Chaim: "The test of wealth is harder than the test of poverty."

There once lived a man named Reuven who was rich, strong, and handsome. He was a respected figure in his city, but arrogant, and scornful toward the poor, a source of fear and intimidation to others, and indulgent in his desires. Though he had some merits, his character flaws weighed heavily against him. Upon his passing, the Heavenly Court judged that he needed to return to the world to repair his actions.

Reuven begged, “If I return with wealth, strength, and beauty again, I’ll likely repeat the same mistakes. Let me return as poor, physically impaired, and unattractive, so that I can live righteously.”

However, the Court refused. “You must fix the damage you caused within the same conditions of wealth, strength, and beauty. Otherwise, how will your correction be complete?”

Reuven cried and pleaded. He summoned his defending angels, invoked the merit of his ancestors, and aroused great compassion from Heaven. Finally, after much deliberation, he was granted permission to return—this time poor, disabled, and disfigured.

He came into this world again—this time with a physical disability. As he grew older, his life was filled with poverty and hardship, illness and pain. One day, Reuven broke down in tears and cried out: “Master of the universe, why did I deserve to be born like this? What did I do wrong? Aren’t there worse people than me? Why is their life easier?”

He cursed the day of his birth and even spoke harshly toward Heaven, not realizing how many advocates and defenders had once fought for him in the Heavenly Court so that he could earn exactly this life and fulfill his soul’s deepest purpose.

Every Person Is Created with the Tools They Need

The Chafetz Chaim would often say: “A person should never complain about their situation, even if it's difficult and painful. For it may be that they themselves pleaded for this exact life before being born. And if so, what is there to protest? The only proper response is to accept it with love and rise to meet it.”

He also taught: “Each person is created with exactly the strengths they need to face their specific challenges. If we could take all the sufferings in the world and lay them out on a table, and ask each suffering person to choose their share, they would inevitably choose their own. Because deep down, they would recognize that their inner resources match their life’s struggles better than any other.”

Don’t Dwell on the Past—Focus on What Matters

The Chazon Ish (or Steipler Gaon) once said: “Don’t overthink the hardships you’ve gone through. If I had focused on all the difficulties I experienced, I would have remained an ignorant man. Do you know the kinds of suffering I endured? There were years of deep poverty. Our Shabbat table was set with black bread. Our clothing was worn. Raising children was filled with hardship. But if I had let myself sink into all that, I wouldn’t have learned even one page of Torah.”