The Blessing of Giving: When Kindness Comes Full Circle

A family dilemma

Sam was 55 when he came to ask my advice. We had only spoken a few times in the past, and he struck me as a caring and thoughtful person. Now he had a problem.

"My mother-in-law is getting on in years; she's actually 75 already," he began. "She's a widow and has lived independently for quite a while now, but it's getting harder for her. She doesn't want to move into assisted living and my wife doesn't like the idea either. She would like her mother to move in with us. We have the space, but obviously it will mean a significant investment of time and more. I'm really not sure what I think. What do you say?"

"Have you ever heard of the Ezer Mizion organization?" I asked Sam. He shook his head.

Choose your suffering

"Ezer Mizion is an organization that lends out medical equipment to people to use in their homes, free of charge," I told Sam. "They do plenty of other things too. Ezer Mizion was founded by Rabbi Chananya Chollak. Before he took that step, he went to see the Steipler Gaon ztz"l (Rabbi Yaakov Yisrael Kanievsky) to ask for his advice.

"'People are telling me that it will be a mammoth investment of time,' he said. 'I'm not totally sure that I want to take on such a huge commitment.'

"The Steipler smiled at him with affection. 'Chananya, every year on Rosh Hashanah, Hashem decides what kind of year each of us will have. The amount of suffering they will have is part of that. So you have two options: either deal with your own suffering, or help other people with theirs.'

"This idea turned out to be what tipped the scales, and the charitable empire of Ezer Mizion was born."

A family without a home

"I'd also like to tell you about someone I know who we'll call David," I continued. "David came from a poor family and so did his wife. They got married with the bare minimum and never had much more than that. David and his wife have eight children and they've managed to scrape by, with second-hand furniture and ongoing struggles, but they always trusted that Hashem would provide them with what they needed -- and if there was something they didn't have, it meant they could do without.

"Well, one thing they didn't have was a home of their own. They lived in rented accommodation, moving on each time the landlord sold the property. The last time this happened they already had seven children and they simply couldn't find a place to go. No one wanted to rent out their apartment to such a large family. Eventually, they had no choice but to move in with the grandparents. David took three children to his parents; his wife took the other four to her parents; and the kind-hearted caretaker of the local synagogue allowed them to store their furniture and crates in a small event hall that was only rarely used.

"Obviously this situation couldn't go on for long -- but no solution was in sight. And then, after two frustrating weeks, David's evening study partner approached him with an interesting proposal that he and his wife had thought up. This young couple (actually in their mid-thirties) didn't yet have children, but they did have their own apartment. 'This is our idea,' he told David. 'My wife and I can easily find somewhere to go but for you it's another story. So, we'd like you and your family to come and stay in our apartment, and you'll cover our rent. How does that sound?'"

The kindness and the blessing

"David didn't know what to say; his wife didn't feel comfortable with the idea either -- but the couple kept on nagging and cajoling and persuading until they gave in.

"And it didn't end there. A few months after that -- when David still hadn't managed to find an alternative -- his study partner told him that in any case he'd been thinking of selling and that he wanted to sell to none other than David. He helped him negotiate a mortgage with the bank, dropped the price enough for David to be able to afford it, and finally, after almost 20 years of marriage, David and his family had their own home."

I looked at Sam, who was listening intently.

"Actually, the story didn't end there either. About 18 months after all this happened, David's study partner and his wife had their first child, after 13 years of marriage. This wonderful couple went to such lengths to help a family in need, and Hashem made sure that not only did they not lose out from it, but it became their source of blessing."

Sam smiled. "Okay, rabbi. I think I got my answer!"