Don't Be the Victim of Your Own Curse

Hidabroot-Israel has its own counselors, and one day, a woman called asking for advice. She was 40 years old and had been married for almost 20 years, but she still hadn't been blessed with children. She and her husband had tried all kinds of medical treatments but nothing had helped.

I happened to be the rabbi taking her call, but unfortunately, not being privy to the decisions made in the Upper Worlds, I couldn't give her a definitive answer. Nonetheless, there is sometimes a certain pattern that can be observed with challenges like this one and I knew which questions to ask. I struck gold right away.

"Can you think of anyone who might feel resentful toward you?" I asked. "It might not have been something intentional you did, but maybe someone feels that you hurt them."

There was a pause, and then a sigh. "Yes," she admitted quietly. "There is someone."

"My parents divorced shortly before I got married," she continued as I listened in silence. "It was a very acrimonious divorce following years of conflict, and I took my mother's side. I was furious with my father for treating her so badly. I mean -- that was how I saw it at the time. I said terrible things, unforgivable things. One time, I really 'lost it' and I yelled at him that he would never get to see his grandchildren."

The woman swallowed hard. "My father passed away just a few months ago," she said.

* * *

Throughout the Torah, immense stress is placed on the human power of speech. In Sefer Mishlei (Proverbs), Shlomo Hamelech writes, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue." The Talmud describes a "covenant made with the lips" -- what this means, in modern-day terms, is that speech can literally mold reality.

This is why we must be so careful about the words we speak. Even if they do not visibly alter the physical world, they can cause intangible damage that can be harder to rectify. The Torah teaches that if we truly want to, there is always a way to do teshuvah, to repent and return and make amends. But that doesn't mean that it will be easy.

* * *

Asking forgiveness of the person hurt by our speech can be challenging, but what can we do if that person has since passed away? In such a case, there is no other option but to ask forgiveness at the gravesite, and I gave this woman instructions on how she should proceed. 

After that, all that remains is heartfelt prayer that the regret and repentance will have their effect in heaven, and that she will soon be able to embrace a child of her own.