Feeling Exiled: Navigating Social Pressures in the Age of Colds and COVID-19

A Facebook post by a user named Idith Lehman caught our attention — and it’s not hard to see why.

In the post, Lehman describes her week struggling with a cold, coughing, and feeling awful, set against a background of numerous friends calling, 'supposedly' to check if everything is okay. 'I feel terrible. Not physically, thank Hashem. I just feel like a leper, an outcast, the enemy of humanity,' she begins to write.

'All this because I'm a bit sick and coughing a little. Heaven forbid. Every day friends call to ask how I am, not because they're actually interested in me, God forbid, but because they're interested in themselves. "Did you have a fever?", "Are you still coughing?", "How are you feeling this morning?", as if anyone cares about me... So, thank Hashem, I am okay. Just a bit sick and coughing a little.'

Lehman continues, expressing that what bothers her most is that before COVID-19, no one would have paid attention to a little cough. 'And if it was a year ago, let’s say? No one would have even blinked. I'm exhausted from your demands that I go get a COVID test. I haven’t been around a confirmed COVID patient, I didn’t have a fever, I lost track of how many times a day I wash my hands, I keep a distance of two meters, always wear a mask.'

'Please don't lay on my fragile shoulders the weight of everyone who has passed from COVID'

'Maybe someone coughed on me in the street? It's possible. And yet, it’s my right to decide whether to seek a test just in case, even though (by the way, it’s likely I won’t get approval at all because I wasn't around a confirmed COVID patient).'

One friend even went so far as to accuse her of murder. Yes, if I caught it and infected her, and she then infected her grandparents and, God forbid, one of them dies — it’s as if I killed them. It’s a difficult time, but let’s not lose our humanity. Let’s be human, let’s respect each other. I told friends that I won't attend gatherings because I'm a bit sick and coughing — because I am honest and sincere. I could have just not said anything and attended anyway, which would have been disgusting and selfish in my opinion, and I didn't do it. I don’t want you to say, "Good on you for not attending social gatherings as long as you're sick," and I don't want a pat on the back either. Just stop pressing me to do things I don’t want to, like a COVID test. You suggested once, I heard you. That’s it, let me be.

'And please, don’t lay on my fragile shoulders the weight of everyone who has passed from COVID since it began. And don’t turn me into a killer.
Because of you, I've learned to lie, and to a friend who wanted to meet up and asked, "So, are you feeling better," as if with interest, I said I'm no longer sick, just that this week doesn't work for me. I want us to keep being human even now, not turning into each other’s enemy.
Let’s give big virtual hugs. Respect. Love. Send a kiss from afar. Let’s not judge or blame. Let’s be human,' she concludes.