Kaddish and the Soul: Honoring Parents the Torah Way

Discover the enduring power of Kaddish, Torah learning, and mitzvot in bringing merit to a parent’s soul — even long after their passing.

The Spiritual Power of Kaddish

The custom of reciting Kaddish for a deceased parent is deeply rooted in Torah tradition and Rabbinic teachings. Kaddish offers profound spiritual benefit to the soul of the departed, even if the parent was completely righteous in their lifetime — it elevates the soul from one level to the next in the next world.

Kaddish is recited every day of the year, including Shabbat and the Jewish festivals.

Honoring Parents After Death

Saying Kaddish is included in the mitzvah of honoring one’s parents—kibbud av va’eim—even after their passing. As the Sages of the Talmud taught, we are obligated to honor our parents both in life and in death.

This posthumous honor includes not only Kaddish but also lighting a memorial candle, organizing a hazkarah (memorial gathering) on the yahrtzeit (anniversary of death), and receiving an aliyah to the Torah in their merit.

The Importance of the First Twelve Months

A child should be especially careful to recite Kaddish during the twelve months following the parent’s passing. Omitting even one Kaddish during this period (without a valid reason) is seen as disrespectful.

There is no greater honor for a deceased parent than a child saying Kaddish. In addition to Kaddish, it is also commendable to give tzedakah (charity) daily during the first year and to pray on behalf of the parent’s soul.

What If the Child Wasn’t Raised Observant?

Even if a child wasn’t raised with Torah and mitzvot, the fact that their parent brought them into the world, giving them the option to learn Torah and recite Kaddish, serves as a spiritual defense for the parent in the Heavenly courts.

Torah Study: The Greatest Gift

Kaddish that is recited after Torah study or a Torah lecture brings especially great nachat ruach (spiritual satisfaction) to the soul of the departed.

While all the mitzvot fulfilled by the descendants of the deceased stand in their stead when facing Divine judgment after death, the Torah study of their children and grandchildren is an exceptionally strong defense in their favor.

Without daily Torah study, the impact of Kaddish is limited. Therefore, mourners should do their very best to devote at least a short period of time every day to Torah study (which can include listening to a Torah class), during the first year after a parent’s passing.

Can a Minor Say Kaddish?

A child who has reached the age at which a parent is obligated to teach him to observe mitzvot and who understands the meaning of brachot (blessings) and knows that they are directed toward Hashem, should be taught to recite Kaddish for a deceased parent.

The halachic authorities differ on what this precise age is, and one should consult one’s rabbi. Generally it is considered to be somewhere between six and nine years of age, but one also has to take into account the maturity of the child.

During communal prayers, the shaliach tzibbur (prayer leader) should recite Kaddish together with the child, word for word. However, for a non-obligatory Kaddish (such as following Torah study), the child may recite it on his own and those who listen should respond “Amen,” provided the child is old enough to know to keep his body clean.

If there is any doubt regarding the maturity of the child and his understanding of the concept of Kaddish (i.e., that it is a prayer in praise of Hashem, etc.) then those listening should not answer Amen unless he is at least nine years old.

Providing Spiritual Benefit to Parents Who Didn’t Observe Mitzvot

Even if a parent was not Torah-observant and, for example, publicly desecrated Shabbat, the child should still recite Kaddish, pray for their soul, and give charity in their merit.

They should preferably do so not only during the first year of mourning but also afterward. All the Torah they learn, all the mitzvot they fulfill, will benefit their parent’s soul.

What If There’s No Minyan at the Cemetery?

Kaddish should not be recited at a gravesite unless there is a full minyan of ten adult men. This halachah applies even at the graves of great Torah sages.

Reciting Kaddish without a minyan has no basis in halachah.

Dedicating a Torah Scroll or Book in a Parent’s Memory

Among some communities, when someone passes away leaving no children, it is customary to dedicate a Torah scroll to a synagogue in their memory.

While this is beautiful tradition, and one might think that the children of the deceased should also adopt it, what is considered an even more impactful way to honor one’s parents is financing the publication of a halachah sefer (book that deals with matters of Jewish law), authored by a qualified Torah scholar.

Reading from the Torah is a great mitzvah but fulfilling its words is even greater, and therefore, enabling people to learn to better fulfill the mitzvot brings immense benefit to the souls of the departed. Furthermore, many synagogues have multiple Torah scrolls, meaning that the donated scroll may only rarely be used.

What If the Deceased Has No Children?

If someone passes away without children, or if their children are not observant and will not say Kaddish, it is customary for relatives (or even the person himself, before his passing) to arrange for someone else to recite Kaddish for them throughout the first year of mourning.

Ideally, this person should be compensated for their time and commitment.

Can a Son-in-Law or Grandchild Say Kaddish?

If the deceased has no sons but does have a son-in-law, the son-in-law should recite Kaddish during the first year of mourning. Likewise, if someone dies without surviving children but has grandchildren, the grandchildren should recite Kaddish on their behalf.

The recitation of Kaddish, Torah learning, and fulfilling mitzvot in their merit offer ongoing ways to honor and elevate a parent’s soul long even after their passing. These practices are not just customs — they are deeply rooted in the words of our Sages.

In this way, we continue to observe the mitzvah of kibbud av va’eim throughout our own lives, and give lasting meaning to our role as children.