Vows in Jewish Law: When Are Good Intentions Worse Than No Intentions At All?

Taking on a new mitzvah or starting a new Torah study program is a wonderful thing, and many of us do so with the intention of continuing throughout our lives. It's important to know that sometimes, the intention itself or simply starting a new practice can be considered a type of vow (a neder) that must not be broken.

Question:

I started going to a Torah class every Wednesday evening. I've been four times and I really enjoy it, but it's a long drive to get there and I'm not sure I'll be able to keep it up. Is there a problem in stopping?

Answer:

Taking on a certain practice such as attending a Torah class can be seen as a neder (vow). You may not have specifically intended to keep going forever, but after going for three times, it is considered your regular practice and potentially binding, like a neder. Therefore, if you want to stop, you should annul the neder. Consult your rabbi on how this is done.

Question:

I started learning more about the Torah recently, and I want to become more particular about observing a certain aspect of tzniyut (modesty in dress). A friend told me that if I start and then find it too hard, it's a big issue. What should I do?

Answer:

First of all, be proud of yourself for your good intentions. And yes, your friend is right about starting something good and then stopping, especially if you intend to continue observing this mitzvah. Even if you only try it once with the intention of continuing, and then have second thoughts, the intention alone can turn the action into a neder (vow).

The way to deal with this is to be clear that you are taking this on "bli neder," which means "without a vow." You should verbalize this before you start, for example: "I'm going to start wearing long skirts, bli neder."

Question:

After learning more about the mitzvah of tzedakah (giving charity), I decided I'd give at least something, if only a small coin, to everyone who asks. Is that considered a vow?

Answer:

Yes, absolutely — even if you haven't started yet! Ideally, you would have verbalized before beginning that you are doing this bli neder. Since you didn't, you should do your best to continue and if it proves too hard to keep up, consult your rabbi on how to annul the vow.

Question:

My neighbor is getting married next week. I promised her I'd come to her wedding, but now I'm not sure I'll be able to go. I feel bad about it, but I didn't think it was a big deal until someone told me that my promise was like a vow and I have to keep it.

Answer:

A promise is often considered as binding as a neder (vow) and ideally, you would have told your neighbor, "Bli neder, I'll be at your wedding." Since you didn't realize, you should ask her to release you from your commitment and in this particular instance, when she does so, this nullifies the vow.

Getting on the Right Path and Staying on It

Once we are pointing in the right direction, the Torah urges us to follow through. We should never let fear of failure keep us from starting.

We say "bli neder" when starting anything new to avoid ending up in a situation where we might break a vow — after all, we're just human. But that doesn't mean that we should treat our commitments lightly. Saying bli neder doesn't give us a free pass to give up. It's just a humble recognition that sometimes, life interrupts even our best intentions.

Bli neder isn’t about being lax. It’s about honesty, humility, and accountability — and, most of all, recognizing that while we intend to do good, only Hashem controls the outcome.