Honoring Parents: The Severe Prohibition of Striking One's Father or Mother

Biblical Prohibition Against Striking Any Person

One who strikes any Jew transgresses a negative commandment from the Torah and is liable for forty lashes. As Rambam writes (Negative Commandment 300): We are warned against striking any Jew, as it says (Deuteronomy 25:3): "Lest he continue to strike him beyond these many blows." This is also ruled by Maran in the Shulchan Aruch (Choshen Mishpat 420:1).

The Severity of the Prohibition

Reish Lakish said: One who raises his hand against his fellow to strike him, even if he did not actually hit him, is called wicked, as it is said (Exodus 2:13): "And he said to the wicked one, 'Why would you strike your fellow?'" It does not say 'Why did you strike,' but 'Why would you strike,' teaching that even though he had not yet struck him, he is called wicked. Rabbi Chanina said: He is called a sinner. Rav Huna said: His hand should be cut off. Rabbi Elazar says: He has no remedy except burial, and Rashi explained that he deserves to be put to death and buried. Rabbi Chanina said: One who slaps the cheek of a Jew, it is as if he slapped the Divine Presence. (Sanhedrin 58b)

Some say that if a person struck his fellow, he is under a ban from ancient times and should not be counted in a minyan of ten until he receives absolution. However, since this depends on the circumstances of the striking, and some authorities say this rule is not practiced nowadays, it is proper to consult a sage. The main point is to warn against this evil act, that it should not be repeated, Heaven forbid, and to increase love, brotherhood, peace, and friendship. (Choshen Mishpat 420:1, 421:13, and in Pitchei Teshuva)

Additional Prohibition for Striking a Father or Mother

One who strikes his father or mother, besides violating the Torah prohibition against striking any Jew, violates an additional Torah prohibition, as it is written (Exodus 21:15): "And one who strikes his father or his mother shall surely be put to death."

Drawing Blood - If one struck his father or mother and drew blood, when the Temple stood, he would be executed by strangulation. However, if he did not draw blood, he would receive forty lashes, like anyone who strikes a fellow Jew. (Section 241, paragraphs 1-2)

A son who struck his father's ear and caused him to become deaf is liable to death, since it is impossible for deafness to occur without a wound, and therefore blood certainly came out in the ear, causing the father to become deaf. (Section 241:2)

When a Father Strikes His Son

Even if a father struck his son unjustifiably, it is forbidden for the son to strike his father at all. Rather, he should remain silent and fear the King of kings who commanded this, for if a mortal king had decreed something more painful than this, he would not be able to refuse; how much more so for the One who spoke and the world came into being according to His will. (Rambam, Laws of Rebels 6:7; Section 240:3)

Nevertheless, the son need not stand still and receive blows; he should leave so his father won't strike him again and stumble in sin. In any case, if there is danger to the son's life, he may defend himself against his father, even if this requires striking his father. (B 533)

Drawing Blood from a Father for Medical Purposes

If there is a need to take blood from the father for a test or similar purpose, even if the son is a specialist doctor and the father forgives him, the son should not take blood from his father. Similarly, if the father has a thorn embedded in his flesh, the son should not remove it, lest he accidentally draw blood from his father. (Section 241:3)

If the father specifically wants his son to treat him, for Ashkenazi Jews, the son is permitted to take blood from his father or perform surgery on him, especially if there is no other doctor available to provide treatment. For Sephardic Jews, one should make great efforts to find another doctor, but if none is available, one may rely on the lenient opinions. The best solution is for another doctor to perform the surgery under the son's close guidance. (B 539, 544, 548)

If the father needs to receive an injection daily, and it is difficult for him to find someone to administer it each day, or it involves expenses and inconvenience, the son may give his father an injection, since usually no blood comes out during an intramuscular injection. He should ask his father's forgiveness in case he causes him any pain. However, if the injection is intravenous and blood will come out, the rule is as explained in the previous law. (B 545)

Cutting a Father's Hair

It is permissible for a son to cut his father's hair on his head or beard, since there is no concern about drawing blood. However, if the father has wounds on his neck, one should be careful not to shave there with a razor, as blood typically comes out. (B 550)

Scratching the Back

A son is permitted to scratch his father's back, since this does not draw blood, but if he knows his father has wounds on his back that might bleed when scratched, he should not scratch. (B 550)

Reviving from Fainting

A son who sees his father unconscious may slap him to revive him from fainting, provided there is no one else who can do so quickly. (B 553)

When a Young Child Struck

A young son who struck his father or mother and has now, thank Hashem, grown up and regrets his actions, technically does not need to do repentance, since when he struck, he did not have full mental capacity. Nevertheless, it is good for him to take upon himself some form of strengthening, and it is appropriate that he commit to reviewing the laws of honoring parents and encourage others to study these laws, such as by distributing these booklets. [It is not at all appropriate to fast in a way that would prevent him from Torah study or attending Torah classes, as nothing atones for sins more than engaging in Torah study.] (B 555)