How Should a Child Behave Towards Parents Who Do Not Observe Torah and Mitzvot?

Children's Conduct with Their Parents

Even if parents do not observe Torah and mitzvot, and desecrate Shabbat and the like, one must honor and revere them like any father and mother. One should stand in their presence, not contradict their words, etc. On the contrary, when they see that they are honored, the name of Heaven will become beloved to them, and they may return to the right path, for our Torah's ways are pleasant, and all its paths are peace.

A son should limit his children's visits to his non-observant parents, for fear that they might, Heaven forbid, associate with bad influences or be affected by them, or perhaps stumble upon forbidden sights or hear prohibited things. Therefore, grandchildren should not visit without their parents' accompaniment to properly supervise them. (B 7)

It should be clarified that a son's obligation to honor his parents, even if they don't observe mitzvot, applies only if the parents do not interfere with his decision to recognize the truth and return to observance. However, if they are hostile toward him and persecute him due to their hatred of religion, they fall into the category of heretics whom one is not obligated to honor. He should pray for them that Hashem will pour upon them a spirit of purity from above, and that they merit to return to the embrace of the Creator with joy. (H.A. 122) One should consult with a sage about this, as sometimes parents become hostile because the son doesn't know how to behave wisely with them and angers them with his actions.

Inclusion in Zimun

A father who publicly desecrates Shabbat [in front of ten Jews, such as driving a car on Shabbat], should not be included in a zimun. Care should be taken to handle this wisely to avoid offense. However, if there is concern that the father will be hurt and this will lead to discord, he may be included in the zimun, as generally such people are considered in the category of 'captured children' [raised without proper Jewish education]. As explained in the booklet 'Laws of Meals'. (B 17)

Wine of Libation

A Jew who publicly desecrates Shabbat, even if not doing so to defy Hashem but merely to satisfy his desires, if he pours wine into a cup, the wine becomes forbidden to drink. Similarly, if he touches the wine itself, the wine becomes forbidden. And if he drinks from the wine, the remaining wine becomes forbidden. (H.A. 7 158)

Therefore, if a father still publicly desecrates Shabbat but makes Kiddush on wine on Shabbat, the son should explain to his father in a pleasant and calm manner that according to Jewish law, he cannot drink from his father's leftover wine, and should pour himself wine directly from the bottle. However, if there is concern that the father might be offended or might, Heaven forbid, disrespect the Torah, it is permissible to drink from his leftover wine. (H.A. 7 158)

It should be clarified that the prohibition against wine touched by a Shabbat desecrator applies only to uncooked wine, but cooked or pasteurized wine is not forbidden by touch. Therefore, it is best for the son to ensure in advance that his father makes Kiddush on cooked wine [most wines sold today are pasteurized]. This way, everything will proceed peacefully. As explained in the booklet 'Kosher Kitchen'. (B 20)

If parents do not recite blessings over their food and drink, the son should try to explain pleasantly the importance of blessings, and that it expresses gratitude to the Creator who sustains us. Not blessing appears as ingratitude. If they still refuse to bless, he may serve them food and drink [even though they sin by eating without a blessing], since it can be assumed that through treating them respectfully, they might become more inclined toward Torah and mitzvot [and if he refuses to serve them, they might distance themselves further and transgress greater prohibitions]. If possible, it's appropriate for the son to eat as well, recite the blessing, and fulfill their obligation with his blessing. He should first explain to them to have intention to fulfill their obligation through his blessing, and it will be considered as if they themselves blessed. (B 26)

Heretical Parents

If a father denies the Creator, resurrection of the dead, the coming of the Redeemer who will arrive speedily in our days, or similar beliefs, or if he converted to another religion, Heaven forbid, the son is not required to honor him at all, neither during his life nor after his death. However, he should not disgrace or curse him. Obviously, such a father cannot be included in a zimun, and he renders wine forbidden by his touch, like the wine of libation. (Rabbi Chaim Ben Attar in his book 'Rishon LeZion' section 241:4. See also Rambam Laws of Repentance 3:6. B 15 17 18. The Jewish Home part 9 page 153)

Non-Jewish Parents

A convert, although legally having no familial relationship with his father and mother at all, is nevertheless forbidden to curse or disgrace his non-Jewish parents. This is to prevent people from saying that while he was a gentile, he treated his parents with some respect out of courtesy and gratitude, but now that he has converted, he disrespects them. (Section 241:9. 557, 564)

It is not appropriate for a converted son to visit his non-Jewish parents frequently. On the contrary, he should distance himself from them and not learn from their ways. This is especially true if he has children; then he must be much more careful. However, he should visit them rarely, so as not to appear ungrateful. (565)

A convert whose father and mother are ill may pray for their recovery. He may also say Kaddish and memorial prayers for them after their death. [But he should say the memorial prayer quietly, so it doesn't appear strange.] (567)