Honoring Parents: Mentioning Parents' Names

Prohibition Against Mentioning Parents' Names

According to the laws of respecting parents, it is forbidden to call a father or mother by their first name, for example: Isaac, Rebecca. This applies even when not in their presence. When relating something in the name of one's father or mother, one should not mention their name alone. However, one may say 'my father Isaac' or 'Isaac my father', 'my mother Rebecca' or 'Rebecca my mother' even in their presence. We find this with King Solomon (Kings I 2:24) who said: 'David my father' (verse 32) or 'my father David'. Similarly, Joshua son of Nun said to Moses in his presence: 'My lord Moses'. And Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai said: 'Yochai my father'. And Rabbi Yosi ben Chalafta said: 'Abba Chalafta'. (HaGra, the Chida. H"E 92, 93. 436)

Based on the above, according to the Ashkenazi custom of calling people up to the Torah by name, the person responsible may call his father and say: 'May my father Isaac son of Abraham rise.' Similarly, a son who reads from the Torah and makes a 'Mi Sheberach' for those called up, when his father is called up, may bless his father saying: 'May He bless my father Isaac son of Sarah.'

When praying for parents that Hashem should grant them success or complete healing and the like, one should not describe them with honorific titles such as 'my father my teacher crown of my head,' as there is no arrogance before Hashem. Rather, one should say 'Your servant my father so-and-so son of so-and-so,' and likewise 'Your handmaid my mother so-and-so daughter of so-and-so.' (243, 476)

When naming a baby at a circumcision ceremony, the child's father may certainly mention his own father's name, so that his son will be named after him, as it is an honor for the grandfather to have his grandson named after him, and he surely consents and is happy about it. (475)

What is Your Father's Name?

If someone asks a son, what is your father's name? He may reply: 'My father Isaac,' or 'I am Isaac's son,' since it is evident that he is honoring him as his father. We find this in the Torah where Jacob told Rachel: 'that he was Rebecca's son.' Similarly, Rabban Yochanan ben Zakkai said: If only 'ben Zakkai' had banged his head. (Berachot 34b) (H"E 92. 452)

A son is permitted to sign his name as: 'Isaac son of Abraham.' Similarly, if he is presented with an 'official form' to fill out, he may write his father's name even without a title, since it is evident that he is honoring him as his father, as mentioned above. Some also say that writing is not considered like speech in this matter. Nevertheless, since today it is customary to lavish praise on everyone, it is good to add 'Rabbi' to his father's name. But if this would appear ridiculous, he may write his father's name without a title. (Ben Ish Chai. 461, 467)

Others With Same Name as Father

If one wants to call a friend whose name is the same as one's father's, if this name is common, such as: Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and the like, one may legally call his friend by his first name, even in his father's presence. However, if this name is not so common, such as: Noah, Zevadiah, Zamir, Zohar, Amos and the like, one should not call his friend by his name in his father's presence, but should change it slightly, such as: Nochi, Zevadi, Zamiri, Zohari, Amosi. (H"E 92. 440. Divrei Halacha 15)

Since the above law is disputed among the authorities, it is best to be stringent and not call a friend whose name is the same as one's father's by that name in his father's presence at all, even with a common name. Therefore, even if they call his father 'Isaac,' he should call his son 'Yitzchaki'. And if this name is not common, then he should not call his friend by his name, even when not in his father's presence, but should change his name. (H"E 92. 440)

It is obvious that all the above laws apply equally to a mother's name.

Similar Names

It appears that these laws apply even if the father's name and the friend's name are not exactly the same, but are very similar as if they were one name, such as if the father's name is 'Yehonatan' and the friend's name is 'Yonatan'. Since people do not distinguish between these names, calling 'Yehonatan' also 'Yonatan', and 'Yonatan' also 'Yehonatan' [as found in the book of Samuel I (Chapter 14) where sometimes Saul's son Jonathan is called 'Yonatan' and sometimes 'Yehonatan'], it still appears as if one is disrespecting one's father. The same applies to all similar cases, like 'Gershom' and 'Gershon', since people do not typically use only the precise name.

Name Change

If the father changed his name or translated it into Hebrew, and people have become accustomed to calling him by the new name, and his previous name has been forgotten, it is permissible to call a friend by the father's previous name. (471)

Two Names

If the father's name is 'Joseph', and the friend's name is 'Joseph Chaim', one may call his friend 'Joseph Chaim' even in his father's presence, as this is considered different from the father's name. (450)

Similarly, if the father's name is 'Joseph Chaim' and people usually call him that, and the friend's name is 'Joseph', one may call his friend 'Joseph' even in his father's presence, as this is considered different from the father's name. (450)

If the father's name is 'Joseph Chaim', but people never call him that, only 'Joseph', one may call his friend 'Joseph Chaim' even in his father's presence, as this is considered different from the father's name. (450)

Pay Attention - Those who name their children after their parents should be mindful of all the above laws to avoid transgression. In any case, if the parents wish their grandchildren to be called by their name without any change and even in their presence, it is permissible to call them so. (473)

A Father Who is a Torah Scholar

If a father is a Torah scholar, and the public calls him by a title only, 'HaRav' or 'Chacham' or 'Rabbi', the son may also call his father this way, since this is not his personal name. (469)

A Father Named 'Abba'

If someone's personal name is 'Abba', his children are permitted to call him 'Abba', since they intend it as the honorific title 'father', not as his personal name. (H"E 93)

A Mother Named 'Mazal Tov'

If a mother's name is 'Mazal Tov', her children may congratulate her with 'Mazal Tov' at family celebrations and the like. (472)

"And they followed emptiness and became empty"

A father should not forgo his honor by allowing his children to call him by his name. A father who does so commits a transgression, as he accustoms his children to disrespect him, which will lead to further transgressions. If a father has improperly allowed his children to call him by his name, the children should not call him by his name, but should call him 'Abba'. (479)