Honoring Parents: May One Call a Parent by Their First Name?

One of the core mitzvot of the Torah is showing reverence toward one’s father and mother. There are many aspects to this mitzvah of kibbud av va’eim; among them is a lesser-known rule: a child (of any age) may not call a parent by their first name. This halachah applies in many everyday situations, and understanding it helps us fulfill the mitzvah of honoring parents with sensitivity and care.

Using a Parent’s First Name

In almost all circumstances, it is forbidden to call one’s father or mother by their first name — regardless of whether one is directly addressing them or speaking about them to others.

What one may say, if the need arises, are expressions such as:

“My father Jacob…”

“My mother Miriam…”

If someone asks, “What’s your father’s name?” one can answer:

“I am the son of Jacob…”

“I am the daughter of Miriam…”

Writing a parent’s first name without adding, “my father/mother…” is permitted.

Praying for a Parent

When praying for someone, such as for the recovery of a sick person, it is customary to ask God to send healing to “[Person’s first name], son/daughter of [mother’s name].” For instance, if the sick person is called Joseph and his mother is called Sarah, one prays for “Yosef ben Sarah.”

What if the sick person is one’s parent?

In such a case, one uses the same formula as above: “Hashem, please send a refuah sheleimah [complete healing] for Avi [my father] Yosef ben Sarah.”

For a mother, one would say, “Hashem, please send a refuah sheleimah for Imi [my mother] Miriam bat Silvia.”

What if a Friend Has the Same Name as One’s Parent?

If the parent’s name is a very common one, it is permitted to call a friend by that name, even in the parent’s presence.

If the name is a very unusual one, however, one should not call the friend by that name in a parent’s presence, and should instead use a nickname.

May a Parent Allow a Child to Call Them by Their First Name?

Among the aspects of the mitzvah of kibbud av va’eim are signs of respect that parents can allow their children to forego, such as standing up when a parent enters the room.

When it comes to calling a parent by their first name, however, a parent may not forego their honor and permit a child to use their first name without “my mother/father…” first. This is because doing so leads to an actual decline in respect for the parent.

The mitzvah of kibbud av va’eim includes not using a parent’s first name casually. This halachah shapes our interactions with our parents; by observing it carefully, children maintain the proper respect for their elders and preserve the structure of family life.