Kibbud Av Va'eim: Is There an Obligation to Live Near One's Parents?

The mitzvah of kibbud av va’eim (honoring one’s parents) takes on added weight when parents grow old and need their children’s help. Torah law emphasizes not only respect in speech and action, but also being present, accessible, and supportive in practical ways. This article explores the halachot of caring for elderly parents, the value of remaining close by, and the limited cases when children may move away.

Is a Child Obligated to Live Near Aging Parents?

Yes. If one’s parents are elderly and need practical assistance on an ongoing basis, their children (of any age) may not simply move to another city and leave them behind. The mitzvah of honoring parents means being available to take care of their needs.

If circumstances absolutely require a child to move away so that visiting the parents becomes time-consuming and difficult, halachah demands that the child ensure that the parents’ needs are still taken care of.

Furthermore, children should continue to stay in touch regularly, and this is even more of an obligation today, when modern communication makes staying in touch easy. Failing to call is not just inconsiderate — it constitutes neglect of a Torah commandment.

When May a Child Move Away?

If a child needs to move to a considerable distance from his parents in order to make a living, he may do so.

Similarly, if there are no suitable schools for his children in the near vicinity of his parents’ home, he may move to an area where there are suitable options.

Someone who needs to move to a part of the country with a different kind of climate, for health reasons, may also do so, even if these means moving far away from his parents.

If the parents’ neighborhood is one where it is very difficult to live a Torah-observant life (for example, most women are immodestly dressed), then a child may move to an area where Torah values are respected and observed.

And, if parents are in any way intervening in one’s marriage in a way that threatens or harms their shalom bayit (marital harmony), married children may (and in many cases must) move away.

If parents tell their children that they have no objection to them moving far away, then the children may do so.

If the parents have lost their mental faculties (such that they are only aware in a limited fashion, or not at all, that the children have moved away), then the children need not live nearby. They must, however, ensure that their parents are properly taken care of.

One key exception to the rule is the case of parents who live outside the Land of Israel. If the children wish to move to the Land of Israel, this is a great mitzvah and in many cases, they are permitted to do so even if their parents object.

Nonetheless, in all cases of doubt, a person should consult his rabbi.

Is the Halachah Different if the Parents Are Anti-Religious?

Having parents who are not yet religious when the child is Torah-observant is challenging, but in most cases, some kind of relationship can still be maintained and should be.

All the above-mentioned halachot apply equally to cases where the parents are not Torah-observant.

However, if the parents are not only not observant but actually hostile to Torah observance, and mock or criticize their children’s way of life, distance may, sadly, be the only remaining option.

As with all non-standard cases, one should consult one’s rabbi as to how to proceed.

At its heart, kibbud av va’eim is about presence and responsibility. For aging parents, this means living nearby whenever possible, being available to provide them with any assistance they need, and ensuring their dignity is preserved. When distance is unavoidable, the Torah obligates children to arrange proper care, stay in close contact, and part respectfully when traveling or moving away. In this way, honoring parents remains a living mitzvah throughout life, bringing blessing to both generations.