Honoring Parents: In Which Places Must a Son Stand Before His Father and Mother?

Synagogue

A son must stand to honor his father, even when he enters the synagogue.

Even though it might seem inappropriate to stand in the synagogue to honor one's father, since we have a principle that "one does not give honor to a student in the place of the teacher," meaning, the synagogue which is the place where the Divine Presence dwells, is considered Hashem's place, and it might seem inappropriate to honor the father who is considered a student of Hashem? Nevertheless, our Sages taught us that this is actually Hashem's honor, desire, and will, that we listen to Him and fulfill His commandments, which include honoring our father, even in His house. (285)

In the Presence of One's Primary Teacher

One who is sitting before his primary teacher [from whom he learned most of the practical laws], and his father enters, he is not permitted to stand for him, as it would appear as if he is disrespecting his teacher, unless he knows that his teacher also honors his father [such as if his father is famous for his piety and good deeds], or if he knows that his teacher doesn't mind if he stands for his father. In any case, if the son is sitting at a distance from the teacher, and it's not noticeable that the son is standing for his father, he must stand for him. (292)

This law is learned in the Gemara (Kiddushin 33b) from the Amora Rav Yehuda who, when sitting in a lesson before his teacher Shmuel, would stand when his father Rav Yechezkel entered. The Gemara explains that there was no concern that his teacher Shmuel would mind, since his father Rav Yechezkel was known as a great man of deeds, whom even Mar Shmuel would stand for out of respect. The Gemara adds that sometimes Rav Yechezkel would come from behind Shmuel, and his son Rav Yehuda did not want to stand for him, since his teacher couldn't see for whom he was standing, but Shmuel told him to stand and not to worry about his honor.

A son sitting before the great leaders of the generation, and his father enters, should follow the same rule as a son sitting before his primary teacher. (292)

Bathhouse

A son sitting in a pool, and his father enters, should stand to his full height. (304)

A son sitting in a bathhouse [mikveh], and suddenly his father enters, the son should stand to his full height. The son should hurry to exit the mikveh quickly, as it is forbidden for a father and son to bathe together, as will be explained later.

Even though it is not respectful to stand this way before one's father, and for this reason any person is exempt from standing in a bathhouse for an elder or scholar, nevertheless, the mitzvah of standing before parents is not included in the category of honor, which requires standing in a dignified manner, but rather this standing is part of the mitzvah of reverence, and the mitzvah of revering one's father and mother applies even in a bathhouse. (Turei Even, Rokeach, Hamakneh, HaLeket, Yad Eliyahu Reguler, Chiddushei HaRim, HaGriz HaLevi and others. 170, 304, 401, 573. H"E 96)

Barber Shop

A son sitting in a barber shop getting a haircut, and his father enters, is not permitted to stand to honor him, because he would be interrupting the barber from his work and causing him a loss. [However, if he received permission from the barber to stand, he should stand.] However, if the barber is not cutting his hair at the moment his father enters, such as if he paused for a moment to bring something, he should stand to honor his father. And if he is embarrassed to stand like that, he should ask permission from his father not to stand. (303)

Pajamas

A son lying in his bed and his parents enter, even if he is wearing nightclothes [pajamas], must stand before them. If it is difficult for him to get up from his bed, he may ask permission not to stand. (304)

Work

If the son is an employee, and his father enters the workplace, he should not stand for his father if by standing he would be neglecting his employer's work, as this would be stealing from the employer. However, if he is not neglecting his work, or if he knows that the employer doesn't mind, he must stand. (Kibbud Horim 71)

If the son is self-employed and his father enters his workplace, he is obligated to stand to honor his father, even if standing causes him financial loss when he interrupts his work.

Even though in cases where standing would cause financial loss, the Torah exempts any person from standing for an elder or scholar, nevertheless, the law of standing before parents is not from the law of honor, which requires standing without financial loss, but rather this standing is part of the mitzvah of reverence, and the mitzvah of revering one's father and mother applies even if there is financial loss. (Kibbud Horim 71)

Bank Clerk

A son who is a bank clerk, and sees his father waiting in line, has no permission to give him priority over others waiting, as this would be stealing time from those waiting in line.

When it's his father's turn, the son should stand from his seat, as it is not respectful for his father to stand while he sits. However, if by standing he reduces his work efficiency, it's forbidden for him to stand as he would be stealing from his employer's work. (See Shevuot 30b. Kibbud Horim 71)

Two Domains

The obligation to stand before parents applies whether the parents and son are in the same domain, or the son is in one domain and the parents in another. The difference between them is that when the parents and son are in the same domain, even if it's not noticeable that he's standing for them, such as if he sees them from a great distance, or even if he hasn't seen them yet but hears their footsteps, he should stand.

However, when the son is in one domain and the parents in another, such as if the son is sitting in his yard and sees his parents passing in the street, then it depends: if it's noticeable that he's standing for them, such as if his parents are passing very close to the entrance of the house, or if he's sitting in his room and his parents pass by the doorway of the room, he must stand. But if it's not noticeable that he's standing for them, since they are in a different domain, he is not obligated to stand. (292, 296)

A son sitting in his room, and hears his parents' footsteps entering the house, but hasn't seen them, doesn't need to stand. However, if his parents enter his room, since they are in the same domain, even if he doesn't see them but only hears their footsteps, he should stand. (306)

In the Gemara (Kiddushin 31b), it is told about Rav Yosef that when he would hear his mother's footsteps from outside, he would stand up and say, "I am standing before the Divine Presence that is coming." If so, it would seem that one should stand even before seeing one's parents? The authorities explained that Rav Yosef's early standing was due to his piety, but not required by law. Additionally, since Rav Yosef was blind, he could only know of his mother's arrival to his domain by hearing her footsteps, so when he heard her steps, he would immediately stand. (Birkei Yosef, Yafe LaLev, Nachalat Tzvi, Shevet HaLevi and others. 306)

Car - If the father is traveling in a car, and the son is sitting on a bench on the street, as long as it's noticeable that the son is standing to honor his father, the son must stand. Similarly, if the father is riding a bicycle or sitting in a wheelchair, the son must stand before him, since it's noticeable that he's standing for him. Even though in all these cases the father is sitting, nevertheless, our Sages taught us (Kiddushin 33b) that one who rides is considered as one who walks, and therefore one must stand for him. (295)

Bus - A son sitting on a bus, and sees his parents walking on the street, does not need to stand for them, since it's not at all noticeable that he's standing to honor them.

A son sitting on a bus, and his parents board the bus, must stand for them until they sit. And obviously, if there's no place for them to sit, he must give them his seat. (259, 260)

Synagogue Platform - that has partitions ten handbreadths high [80 cm], and is four handbreadths wide [32 cm], and the son is sitting on the bench on the platform, and his father passes below the platform, even though the platform is considered a separate domain, he should stand for his father, because it's noticeable that he's standing for him. (294)

Women's Section - A daughter sitting in the women's section of the synagogue, and sees her father entering the synagogue, since the women's section is in a different domain, she doesn't need to stand for him, as it's not noticeable that she's standing for him. (296)