The Torah Laws of Honoring Parents: A Complete Guide

The Five Torah Commands Toward Parents

The Torah places extraordinary emphasis on the mitzvah of honoring parents. Five commandments are given:

Honor them – “Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that your days will be lengthened and it will be good for you” (Devarim 5:16).

Revere them – “Every man shall revere his mother and his father, and you shall keep My Sabbaths; I am the Lord your God” (Vayikra 19:3).

Do not strike them – “And one who strikes his father or his mother shall surely be put to death” (Shemot 21:15).

Do not curse them – “And one who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death” (Shemot 21:17).

Do not belittle them – “Cursed be he who degrades his father or his mother” (Devarim 27:16).

Equal to Honoring God

Rambam (Maimonides) writes that honoring and revering parents is such a great mitzvah that the Torah equates it with honoring and revering God Himself. Just as we are commanded to honor and fear God, so too are we commanded regarding parents.

Who Is Obligated?

Every Jew is obligated — young or old, married or single, even the elderly. The mitzvah is not only for children but for adults at every stage of life.

Not Just Gratitude, But God’s Command

It is true that logic itself demands honoring parents, who gave us life and raised and cared for us. But this mitzvah is not fulfilled merely out of gratitude or conscience. It must be done because God commanded it: “Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God commanded you” (Devarim 5:16).

The Obligation to Study These Laws

Like the laws of Shabbat or blessings, the laws of honoring parents must be studied. Otherwise we will not know how to fulfill them properly.

Parents themselves are obligated to teach their children from a young age how to honor and revere them. This does not stem from arrogance or craving honor, but is part of their obligation to teach their children to fulfill God’s commandments.

It also accustoms children to respect their elders and to have good manners toward everyone.

Equal Respect for Father and Mother

The mitzvah applies equally to both parents. The Torah mentions the father first in the commandment to honor, and the mother first in the commandment to revere, to show that both are equal. Similarly, both sons and daughters are obligated equally.

If both parents make requests of a child at the same time, the father’s request takes precedence as the mother is obligated to honor her husband. But if the parents are divorced, the child may fulfill whichever request he chooses first, since both are equal.

No Limit to the Obligation

There is no upper limit to fulfilling this mitzvah. Children must honor parents as much as possible. In return, the Torah promises long life, success, and the blessing that one’s own children will honor them in turn.

Beyond respecting parents, children must cultivate deep love for them. The Torah commands us to love every Jew — “You shall love your fellow as yourself” (Vayikra 19:18) — but toward parents this love must be even stronger, since honoring them is equated with honoring God.

With Joy and Without Hesitation

When parents request something, the proper response is to fulfill it promptly, happily and with energy, not as a burden. Rabbi Yitzchak Luria (the Holy Arizal) explains that every mitzvah must be done with eagerness and simchah (joy), in the way we would act if we were being given immense physical treasures in return. Truthfully, each mitzvah brings immense spiritual reward in its wake.

Honoring parents must be genuine out of true feeling. Children should view their parents as worthy of respect and should accord them as least as much dignity as they would an honored guest or public figure. Even if they seem to lack outstanding qualities, and even if their less-than-sterling qualities are evident, children should focus on their strengths and fulfill the mitzvah with sincerity.

The mitzvah of kibbud av va’eim is lifelong and far-reaching. It demands both reverence and love, expressed not only in action but in attitude. While it is not always easy, striving for this ideal is God’s will. With effort and prayer, every Jew can grow in this mitzvah and bring blessing upon themselves and their families.