A Mother's Mission: Embracing Our Spiritual Journeying Children

"We were so happy when Tiferet surprised us by coming home a year and seven months after she left for a trip abroad - on the eve of Rosh Hashanah. This is what Sarit Lapidot, mother of Tiferet Lapidot, who was killed at the Nova party on Simchat Torah, shared with us."

Sarit has a lengthy background in education and holds a degree in counseling. Tiferet was her second child out of seven. "Tiferet was a child full of light and happiness," Sarit recalls. "When she traveled abroad, she faced a period of confronting the framework she grew up in, trying to understand what she was searching for. Today I realize it wasn't ideological but rather a form of spiritual search. At the Nova party, there were many teens from religious backgrounds. I heard someone call it a 'party for those leaving religion,' but I think it's more accurate to call these teens 'seekers of Hashem.'"

Sarit Lapidot, mother of Tiferet

Not Rebel, But Spiritual Journey

Did you maintain contact with Tiferet while she was abroad?

"Certainly. We were in close and constant contact. My husband and I had a shared WhatsApp group with Tiferet and she shared her dilemmas and sought advice. Seven months into her journey, we flew to visit her in Sri Lanka, stayed with her for several days, and then she continued to Australia. Exactly a year later she surprisingly returned to Israel for a three-week visit. She planned to fly back two days after Simchat Torah, but of course, she had no idea what fate awaited."

The last meeting with her daughter is well remembered by Sarit. "Tiferet went to the Nova party, and beforehand she asked me if I preferred she not return home after the party because it would be during the holiday. I asked her to come back, understanding that after traveling the world, she needed us most, our love and acceptance, believing Hashem would strengthen her. Sadly, Tiferet was murdered at the party, alongside many other teenagers from religious homes."

Sarit points out that it seems like a phenomenon they only understood the magnitude of over time. "After realizing Tiferet was murdered, amid all the grief, it was clear to us that we remain true to our understanding and won’t silence the matter. We didn't deny where she was and was murdered because through this difficult journey she took, she was actually searching for Hashem, fully embodying the term 'seekers of Hashem.'"

"She wasn't alone; and as time passes, I see how her journey explains many of these children, whom the religious world sometimes judges or feels disappointed with. But the truth is, they are searching for Hashem in their way, struggling with what Halacha demands, and the secular world’s tempting lifestyle. We decided to try and help parents understand their child's spiritual journey so they can be there for them."

You refer to their journey as a spiritual one?

"Yes, because in the vast majority of cases, children do so out of a basic desire to reevaluate the world they grew up in. They seek to connect from their perspective. I believe children have the right to question the values they were raised on, and in reality, many of these teenagers eventually return to their parents' ways after exploring. They just want to reconnect independently, rather than because it was imposed on them. This aligns with our generation's style, seeking connections in all areas of life. Ultimately, when one chooses their path, they’re willing to bear its costs."

It's tough for parents to watch their children seek and drift away...

"Indeed, I can testify from personal experience, as it was hard for me to see Tiferet in those days. I felt her pain deeply and struggled to understand the dilemma between Torah life and secular temptations. Especially with Tiferet, who was always so connected, leaving behind diaries full of prayers and dialogues with God."

"I can say from my closest place, Tiferet never rejected the way we raised her but wanted to reconnect with spirituality on her terms. Her status until her last day was 'In the house of Hashem, we will walk with emotion,' encapsulating the essence of her soul."

Tiferet's communication with her mother

Tiferet's communication with her father

A Fight for Love

What's the key message you want to convey to parents in these situations?

"I’d like to tell them that when there’s a child at home who is less aligned with the path, parents focus on their image – how they appear, how the family appears, questioning why neighbors aren’t experiencing the same, wondering what they did wrong, and often feeling engulfed by guilt. This pressure often gets directed at the child, as the parent feels subconsciously the child is threatening their self-image, reflecting a failed education mission."

"That’s why I try in my lectures and whenever I discuss this topic – to explain to parents the journey their children experience. Because they don’t genuinely want to disconnect; they’re seeking to connect in their way and pace. Parents understand that while it seems these children are celebrating, they aren’t superficial; they undergo deep spiritual processing. The surface joy is misleading."

"But the crucial thing to remember is not to close the door on them. We mustn’t shut them out, because if we do, then it’s natural they will look elsewhere for love, acceptance, and respect. Rabbi Nehemiah Wilhelm of Chabad said to me: 'There’s a battle between us and the street over who gives the child more love, and whoever can offer more will win.'"

Pages from Tiferet's journal

Pages from Tiferet's journal

"Trusting the Captain"

As part of her activism, Sarit was invited last year to host a podcast through the 'Cords of Love' initiative, part of the "Achi" Educational Strategy organization. "Over seven months, I regularly hosted the program, meeting professionals and Torah scholars from various backgrounds, including Rabbi Yehoshua Shapira, Rabbanit Tova Bazak, a clinical psychologist, and others. We tried to explore the issue from all angles, deeply understanding this process – when it reflects health and when it signals crisis or distress."

"Due to the podcast's success, we are launching a new initiative of seven meetings for mothers, featuring professionally edited text screenings at each event, followed by a discussion with the interviewee, offering clarity and reinforcement opportunities."

What's the main goal of this initiative?

"The main goal is to first and foremost provide a sense of relief to parents, helping them understand that what the child is going through isn’t necessarily about them. Naturally, as parents become less stressed, the bond strengthens, and the child is less rebellious because they feel supported, they aren’t alone. We need to be there for our child, to embrace them, not be an additional front they face."

"I ultimately hope to aid children as much as possible, preventing them from leaving the religious world, equipping parents with tools to retain their children with us. Even if not fully achieved, at least as mothers, we know we’ve become partners in our child's journey and a resource for them. They can share with us and not hide or escape."

"From my experience, I can share that we were fortunate to be an inseparable part of Tiferet's journey, which made it easier for her. During her brief stay with us in Israel, she asked my husband one day if he was disappointed that the boat wasn’t sailing in the direction he wanted. He sincerely replied, ‘I trust the captain,’ meaning he trusted Tiferet herself."

"Friends of Tiferet who came to pay their condolences during the Shiva told us she was proud to share this. It demonstrated to me how correct this approach was, as it's difficult for a child to feel burdened by the parent’s disappointment and sorrow. The belief that the parents are losing hope can lead them to break away. But if they see their parents aren’t shaken, trusting them and their true desires, there’s a greater chance they won’t reject the religious world, and hopefully find their best place."