When Shabbat Dinner Turns into a Community Affair

The Hayman family has six children, most of whom are teenagers. However, if you happen to join them for a Shabbat meal, you might need a few moments to spot them among dozens of diners gathered around the table. These guests, by the way, are also likely to stay overnight.

Shabbat meals at the Hayman household were not always as lively as they are now. It all began rather accidentally. Osnat and Einav Hayman live in the southern city of Arad. Nine years ago, one Friday before a major Shabbat, a friend of Osnat asked if they could host some friends for Shabbat. Osnat checked how many were in the group and was unfazed when she heard there were eight. "The friend who approached us did not expect us to host all eight, but for me, it was clear that since our home was remote, splitting them up wasn't practical. We invited them all, and it was a great time," she shares.

During the meal, a conversation veered into politics. Osnat gently but firmly asked to change the subject. One guest insisted on continuing, but Osnat stopped her. "I explained that I knew exactly where I stood and so did she. Arguing would only make her, as a guest, feel uncomfortable, and it was important to me that she feels at ease here." After the holiday, the guests left, and later, the guest reached out to Osnat. "She thanked us for the Shabbat and the good atmosphere and mentioned that we were the first hosts she left feeling good about because there were no political arguments. She also suggested adding us to an app listing host families for travelers on the Israel Trail, and since then, we've been an 'official hosting home.'"

Arad is located along the Israel Trail, and every year many travelers known as 'Shvilists' pass through as they traverse the route. These are people who, for an extended period, are away from home and thus need a place to ventilate. The Hayman family joined other hosting families, providing everything needed all week long, including meals, showers, laundry, and even a place to sleep. However, most of the hosting happens during Shabbat.

Many Miracles

How do you manage such a Shabbat? When do you start preparing?

"Preparations start on Wednesday night, when I find out how many guests will be staying with us the upcoming Shabbat. Since requests come to both me and Einav, my husband, I never truly get an accurate picture. The night before, I ask my husband for an update," she says with a smile. Osnat always checks for any dietary needs, such as food sensitivities or vegetarian preferences, and adjusts the menu accordingly.

"On Thursday morning, I enter the kitchen and ensure to finish all the cooking that day, even if it means staying up all night. On Friday, we just tidy up the house and prepare it for Shabbat and the guests."

The quantities are never precise. Osnat mentions that almost always more guests arrive than expected, so she prepares extra portions ahead of time. One week, they anticipated sixty guests. The Hayman family prepared for the large number, but eighty-five showed up. "I believe there are many miracles in this regard - 'Cast thy burden upon Hashem, and He shall sustain thee.' In such cases, I turn to Hashem and say, 'Father, I have done my best, now You do Your best so everyone will be satisfied, enjoy, and have enough to eat - because I am very small in this."

The guests arrive on Friday afternoon, with some coming as early as Thursday night. "Although not all travelers are religious, for the 'Shvilists' who are not observant, Shabbat is still a time to rest from their grueling week and they stay with us throughout Shabbat," she explains. Osnat describes a joyous Shabbat table with kiddush, songs, and divrei Torah. "During the meal, we pause and go around the table. Every guest shares something about themselves - name, where they're from in the country, age, status, and something else. My little kids always come up with a different idea," she laughs. "Recently, they wanted to add shoe size."

Regarding sharing their status, Osnat insists with a smile that this is not just a casual request. "I immediately start thinking about matches." To date, five of her successful match ideas have led to weddings.

You host a variety of people, including non-religious guests. How do the guests respond?

"In the vast majority of cases, the feedback is very positive. People enjoy our Shabbat atmosphere. Many guests are familiar with terms like kiddush, and these concepts aren't foreign to them, although we’ve hosted some who weren’t familiar at all. I always like to say our main goal is to make everyone feel comfortable and host simply. I think that’s what people love about us, that everything is done simply."

Osnat recounts a humorous incident when they hosted a group of young people on a holiday. "They didn't understand: if now is a holiday, which is like Shabbat from a halachic perspective - then how am I cooking? It was all new to them; they didn't know the details of the halacha and asked more questions. They were delighted to find out they could smoke," she laughs. She recalls a moving moment when someone arrived on Friday and realized the host family was religious. "He candidly told me he knew nothing about Shabbat and had no clue what was allowed or forbidden. I invited him to join us and experience it. Throughout Shabbat, he had many technical questions, which I answered specifically to each subject. At the end of Shabbat, he came to me in tears and said it was the most special Shabbat he had ever experienced."

Hosting dozens of people every Shabbat involves significant expenses. Where does the funding come from?

"I've learned to cook large quantities from simple and inexpensive ingredients," Osnat replies simply. "For example, on Shabbat morning I make a large vegetarian cholent. I make jachnun from scratch using flour and plenty of mafroum from one kilo of meat. Everything from not expensive ingredients." She learned hosting from her mother, whom she speaks of with great admiration. "My parents were founders of the Itamar settlement in the Shomron. There were always people at our home, and soldiers serving nearby found a warm spot there. I remember the light on my mother's face during every such gathering. She did everything simply, without high words."

Full Partners

Every Rosh Hashanah eve, a meeting is held at the Hayman family with Einav, Osnat, and their six children. During the meeting, the children are asked whether they are willing and want to continue hosting for another year. "It's clear to me that hosting without cooperation and desire from the children simply won't work. The kids interact with the guests, it's their home, and they are full partners. So far, every year they have wholeheartedly been with us and want to continue."

What challenges do you face with hosting?

Osnat is not quick to speak about challenges. It’s clear that hosting is a central milestone in her life, and she does it with great love. "Every week, I dedicate lots of time in preparing for Shabbat. This investment demands effort, though I obviously love it. I try to vary the dishes, which also requires energy and time. I'll be honest that the investment in cooking is not just for the guests but certainly for the children too. It's important to me that the kids enjoy Shabbat. Some of them are not home during the week and return on Shabbat."

In addition to that, Osnat recalls another challenge: "One of my children has been fighting in Gaza since the beginning of the 'Operation Stone of Swords,' and was also injured. When he would come home from the army, he needed quiet after what he had experienced in the combat and the lively atmosphere was less suitable for him. On the Shabbatot he arrived, we made sure the room he stayed in was kept as his private territory and no one entered it. Usually, by Shabbat afternoon, he would join the conversation with the other guests."

This is Our Situation – And We Will Triumph

One more challenge, which Osnat rarely discusses, is her coping with a chronic illness over recent years. The illness surfaced after the birth of her sixth child and affects her bones and blood clotting. Osnat is considered 100% disabled. "Before I fell ill, I worked two jobs. After becoming ill, we decided that although I'm home and can't go out to work, I would take this situation and develop it into something even more significant."

The Hayman family began hosting two years after the illness flared up, while Osnat was confined to a wheelchair. Osnat shares that during one Shabbat, she expressed her admiration to one of the guests for the love of the land that hikers show and her dream to hike a section of the Israel Trail herself. It seemed the guest doubted that dream would come true. "Two months later, I walked a section of the trail on my own two feet," she surprises. "As we walked, I saw a woman who at that moment I did not recognize, but she recognized me and started shouting loudly, 'I can't believe - you're on your feet!'"

Is there a particularly significant Shabbat that stands out to you?

"Honestly, we enjoy hosting so much that every Shabbat with guests is significant," she answers immediately. "In our home, the door never closes, quite literally. Besides the hikers, people from the neighborhood also join us for the meal, and the more people there are, the more fulfilled we feel inside."

A few months ago, Osnat celebrated her birthday on a Friday night. Her children decided to surprise her and invited some of the guests who had frequented their home over the years and with whom they kept in close touch. "I sat at the birthday dinner in tears. I said to myself, 'What a miracle to be surrounded by so many good people,'" Osnat shares emotionally.

Feel at Home

Where do you find the patience and energy to host so many people every Shabbat?

"Since we started hosting, I make it a point to tell our guests one thing - 'Feel at home,' and I really mean it. I'm not 'serving' anyone, but rather giving them free rein and totally letting go. It's clear to me that in this way, guests feel comfortable, and this is also what allows me to host so many people easily. In this setup, you're free from the need to impress and you're just 'you,' humbly."

What tips would you give to someone looking to host like you?

"Just get started," Osnat smiles. "Everything else will happen on its own."

And she has a final message: "May we learn to see every person simply, recognize their personality, and peel away the labels and stereotypes. I choose not to expose myself to news and politics, and I find it greatly helps foster a positive outlook on others. And above all, I pray that Hashem will see us together and bring redemption."