Great and Mighty Reward: The Merit of Honoring Parents

Below we will present several points about the promised reward for the commandment of "honoring father and mother," as the Sages said (Peah 1:1): "These are the things that a person performs and enjoys their fruits in this world, while the principal remains for the World to Come. And they are: honoring father and mother...".

Longevity

The Torah states: "Honor your father and your mother... so that your days may be lengthened!" (Deuteronomy 5:15)

Rabbi Saadia Gaon explains: Why did the Torah see fit to promise the reward "so that your days may be lengthened," which it doesn't say for other commandments? Rather, if a person neglects this commandment, it is reasonable that his children will not honor him either. And then it wouldn't be worthwhile for him to live long, because in his old age he will inevitably need his children's help... But if he honors his parents, then when the time comes his children will honor him, and his old age will be good and happy!

Some have said that this is measure for measure - honor in exchange for honor. That is, when a person lives long and reaches old age, people respect him more. Therefore, this person who honored his parents merits that others will honor him when he has the splendor of gray hair.

Others explain that the Sages have said: "There are three partners in a person: Hashem, his father, and his mother. The father and mother provide the limbs, sinews, flesh, and blood, and Hashem provides the soul" (Kiddushin 30b). Now, a person who does not honor his two partners who are his parents, even Hashem "dissolves the partnership" and takes back His part, which is the soul, and the body is left without the breath of life... But when a person honors the partnership, Hashem also continues to be a partner, and this person merits longevity... (Collected in Midrash Talpiot, letter Alef, branch Father and Mother)

The Gaon Rabbi Yosef Chaim Sonnenfeld explained that the reward is at the end of one's days, to compensate for the hours one lost due to honoring parents! Therefore, a person should not begrudge the significant time that this commandment sometimes requires of him, or the apparent "neglect of Torah study" that it causes him, since Hashem will return this time to him, and Hashem has already said (Deuteronomy Rabbah 4): "Listen to Me, for no one who listens to Me loses," and Hashem will not withhold good from those who walk in integrity. (Aleinu L'Shabei'ach)

The Sages said: Joseph the Righteous - because he stood strong in honoring his father in Egypt, merited the crown of old age, as it is said: "And Joseph saw Ephraim's children of the third generation..." (Midrash Shocher Tov, Proverbs 16)

His Children Will Honor Him

The Sages said: One who honors his father, Hashem gives him children who will honor him - measure for measure. (Midrash Talpiot, branch Honoring Father and Mother, derived from Yalkut Iyov 927)

Rabbi Yitzchak Abarbanel also writes: What the Torah said, "so that your days may be lengthened," is not just a promise of reward, but to tell a person: Will not your days also be lengthened on the earth, you too will be a father to children, and you too will reach an age where you will need your children. If you honor your father and mother - your children will also honor you in your old age, because with the measure a person measures, it is measured to him! So honoring parents is not only for the benefit of the honored elderly, but also for the benefit of the child who honors them, because it is a wheel that turns in the world.

A story about a wealthy man who had an elderly, poor, and unfortunate father. The father lived in his son's house but was a great burden: he bothered with many requests and caused various mishaps - here he spilled soup, there he soiled the floor, here he stumbled and broke an expensive vase, and there he tore a book he held in his trembling hands. The son grew weary of his father and decided to remove him from his house, let him go beg for alms with the other poor people of the city. Why should he suffer his whole life because of him?!

The wealthy man had a kind-hearted and gentle young son. On a winter day, the boy was walking in the city street when suddenly he was horrified by what he saw: he sees his grandfather sitting in tattered clothes at a street corner, his whole body shivering from cold, and it appears that for a long time no proper food had entered his mouth. With compassion, he approached him, gave him the sandwich his mother had prepared for him, and also offered him a few coins that were in his pocket. Afterwards, he rushed home to tell his father what he had seen, perhaps he would have mercy on him and bring him back home. But how shocked the boy was when he heard his father's cold response! The wealthy father didn't lend an ear or heart to his father's condition, but only suggested in his great "generosity" that he could go to the attic, where a coat was hanging on a hook, and he could give it to his grandfather...

The boy ran to the attic, and how sad he was to see the coat hanging on the hook - so old and tattered. Is this all his wealthy father could contribute to the unfortunate grandfather?!

Tears stood in his eyes. What should he do?! How could he open the eyes of his mistaken father? How could he soften his sealed heart? Suddenly, an idea came to his mind! He took the worn coat in one hand, and in his other hand took large scissors, quickly went downstairs, and began to cut the coat in half before his father's eyes.

"What are you doing?" his father protested. The boy looked into his father's eyes and explained innocently: "Dear father, I am doing this for your honor and for your sake! In your old age, when you are old and frail, and I can no longer keep you in my house - you won't have to shiver from cold until someone goes to bring you a coat. I am dividing this coat in advance, half I will go bring to grandfather as you requested, and the other half I will keep in the attic, to send to you in the cold winter days..."

The father was silent in astonishment for long minutes. His son's words shook his soul and melted his heart. With a firm decision, he went out to look for his father. He brought him back home, prostrated himself before him asking for forgiveness, dressed him in the best clothes, and seated him with honor at the head of the table... (Derech Emunah by Rabbi Shaul Dweck)

Righteous Children

The 'Pele Yoetz' writes: "And even if his father burdens him heavily, and his inclination entices him with double enticement, he should let the good inclination overcome the evil inclination, and bear the burden without failing, and not delay to do all that comes from his mouth, lest another precede him. According to the effort is the reward, and he eats the fruits in this world by having worthy children. Even if there were no other reward than this, it would be worth it for him to labor with all twenty fingers to merit this."

Prevention of Shabbat Desecration

The Torah states: "Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy... Honor your father and your mother" - what is the connection between these two commandments? Why are they placed next to each other?

The Me'am Lo'ez writes (Exodus 2:639): Anyone who honors his father and mother will not come to desecrate Shabbat, because there are people who stumble in Shabbat desecration unintentionally, and the reward for this commandment is that they will guard him from Heaven so that he won't come to do so. (Yalkut Shimoni Deuteronomy chapter 5)

And so said Elijah the Prophet... Why was the commandment of honoring father and mother placed next to the commandment of Shabbat? To teach you that as long as a person honors his father and mother, no sin comes to his hand! As it is said (Isaiah 56:2): "Blessed is the man who does this... who keeps the Sabbath from profaning it [mechallelo]..." Don't read 'mechallelo' but 'machul lo' [it is forgiven to him] (Tanna D'vei Eliyahu Rabbah 24)

Reward for the World to Come - Eye Has Not Seen...

The reward for the commandment of honoring parents in the World to Come - we cannot describe or estimate it; we don't have the tools or understanding to imagine this matter at all. The pleasures of this world are not at all similar to the pleasures of the World to Come, neither in their quality nor in their intensity.

"Just as you honored and delighted your father and mother in their old age, so will you delight in Hashem." (Tanna D'vei Eliyahu Rabbah chapter 27)

It is told about Rabbi Yehoshua ben Ilem, who was told in a dream: "Rejoice in your heart, for you and Nanas the butcher will be together in Paradise. His place and your place together, his portion and your portion equal as one." At first Rabbi Yehoshua did not pay attention to the dream, saying "Dreams speak falsehood!" But when the dream recurred again and again, he understood that it was true, he grieved in his heart and said: Woe is me, from the day I was born I was always in the fear of my Creator, and I labored only in Torah, I did not walk four cubits without tzitzit and tefillin, and I had eighty students, and now my deeds and my Torah are considered equal to those of a simple butcher?!

His mind was not at ease. He called his students and said to them: "Know that I will not enter the study hall until I see who this butcher is and what his deeds are, that he is my companion in Paradise!" Immediately he went with his students from city to city, and in every place he would ask and inquire: "Does Nanas the butcher live here?" After much searching, he finally arrived at his city. When he entered, he immediately asked: "Where is Nanas the butcher?" They said to him: "Why are you looking for him? You are pious and righteous, and you ask for a man like him?!" He said to them: "What are his deeds?" They said to him: "Our master, it is better that you don't ask about him, but see him for yourself..." Immediately they sent messengers to Nanas the butcher and said to him: "Rabbi Yehoshua ben Ilem wishes to see you!" Nanas said to them: "Who am I and who are my fathers, that Rabbi Yehoshua wants to see me?! This cannot be, but surely you are mocking me, I will not come with you!" They urged him again and again to come, but Nanas was convinced that they were lying, and they merely wanted to make fun of him...

The messengers returned to Rabbi Yehoshua and said to him: "You are a light to Israel and a light to our eyes, the crown of our heads, what do you have to do with this crude butcher, and he even refused to go with us!" He said to them: "Know that I will not sit down until I see him!"

Rabbi Yehoshua himself went to Nanas the butcher, and when Nanas saw Rabbi Yehoshua, he fell on his face and said with reverence: "Why is this day different that the crown of Israel comes before his servant?!", Rabbi Yehoshua said to him: "I have a question for you. Please tell me, what are your deeds and what is your occupation?" He said to him: "My lord, I am a butcher, and I have an elderly father and mother who cannot stand on their feet, and every day I clothe them, feed them, and wash them with my own hands." Immediately Rabbi Yehoshua stood and kissed him on his head and said to him: "My son, how fortunate are you and how fortunate is your lot, and how good and pleasant it is, and how fortunate is my portion, that I merited to be your companion in Paradise!" (Seder HaDorot Seder Tannaim V'Amoraim page 196)

Wonder of Wonders!

And so writes the Tanna D'vei Eliyahu: When a person honors his father and mother in their old age, what is he compared to? To a king who was visited by the son of his beloved. The king said to him: My son, where are you coming from? He said to him: From my father and mother's house. The king said to him: What are your father and mother doing? He said to him: They have passed away peacefully to their eternal home, after I honored them properly and gave them much satisfaction, honor, and joy. The king said to him: My son, blessed are you and may you have comfort in the world for giving rest to your father and mother until they passed away peacefully to their eternal home. Now come with me to my house and see what good treasures and storehouses your parents have stored for you with me. Surely you deserve to receive them!

So too, one who honors, feeds, and sustains his father and mother until they pass away peacefully to their eternal home, and walks in the ways of Heaven, thereby giving satisfaction to his father and mother, Hashem says to him: My son, come and I will show you the heavenly treasures that are stored for you with Me, because you honored and supported your father and mother, and gave Me satisfaction with your good deeds! And about this it is said: "And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, if you obey the voice of Hashem your God!" (Tanna D'vei Eliyahu 27)

"Whoever seeks days and years, wealth and possessions, and life in this world, and long life in the World to Come that has no end, let him fulfill the will of his Father in Heaven and the will of his father and mother." (Tanna D'vei Eliyahu Rabbah chapter 24)