Choosing Life Amidst Heartbreak: The Legacy of Captain Roie Miller

Captain Roie Miller, who gave his life in the line of duty in Gaza, was both an outstanding student and a skilled athlete. He completed 40 units of study in high school, was once the Israeli judo champion, and earned runner-up in a regional Bible quiz. But to his mother, Ariela, he was primarily a beloved son, the middle child of three, and she misses him deeply.

"Roie lived most of his life between Tel Aviv and Herzliya," Ariela recalls. "His decision to pursue a combat path wasn't a given. At the engineering school he attended, it was common to join less combat-intensive units, and given his academic success, he had many options. But he insisted on serving in a combat unit and didn't compromise. Ultimately, he enlisted in the Rotem Battalion of the Givati Brigade and continued to the officer's course, where he led a platoon from the Tomer Company, a unit of soldiers from ultra-Orthodox homes. From that point, Roie became more than just their commander; he was like a devoted father figure."

"Discovering a New Side of Roie"

Ariela continues, "During his military service, we didn't see Roie often, but whenever he was home on leave, he would use his time to visit his soldiers and see what was missing and how he could help. One of his commanders even told us he would take money from his own pocket to help his soldiers, without waiting for the military system to fill the gaps. At home, he never rested, always on calls and checking in on his soldiers, who were so close to his heart."

Ariela notes that for a year and eight months, Roie led his soldiers, and then the war broke out while they were training in the Golan Heights. "On Simchat Torah, they were bussed to the south," she says, "and were immediately dispatched to the village of Azza, where they fought bravely, saving dozens of women, men, and children. We're constantly hearing powerful stories of families Roie and his soldiers personally saved, often at great risk."

"The soldiers also told us that at the end of their training, Roie gathered them for a moving 20-minute talk, with the main message being: 'Always remember your 'why' and why you're here.' This was before he even knew a war would erupt. This is something I also carry with me when I speak to soldiers and students. Everyone needs a purpose, whether personal, ethical, or at a national level."

During the conflict in Gaza, Roie was requested to leave for a new role, but he refused to abandon his soldiers. "He was the one who cared for everyone," she explains. "The soldiers told us Roie wouldn't sleep if any of them lacked a blanket; he made sure they ate and had everything they needed. Eventually, he'd doze off in a chair, always ready with an earpiece in his ear."

As parents, were you aware of Roie's immense dedication?

"We knew a little, but the full picture only emerged after his passing, when countless stories poured in from those who knew him. We discovered a Roie we hadn't known, as he never boasted about his actions. In practical combat too, he took on great responsibility, always volunteering to handle complex situations with terrorist infiltrations and high-risk events."

"After nine months, his battalion commander informed him he was finishing his combat cycle. Roie told us he'd be home for Shabbat on July 5th. Two days prior, on a Wednesday, he spotted terrorists approaching their building in Shuja'iyya without hesitation; he rushed forward with several soldiers, effectively saving everyone. This incident ended with miracles beyond explanation, as the terrorists used close-range weapons. One of Roie's soldiers was struck by a bullet that grazed his shoe; another was hit but was spared by his helmet's night vision gear. Roie's soldier removed his tefillin quickly to don his gear and ran into the field, ultimately saved by a bullet that only damaged his helmet's apparatus. Although Roie wished for his soldiers' safety, he himself gave his life, a day and a half before the end of his last combat round and a week before his 22nd birthday."

Spreading Goodness

How do you cope after such a tragedy? How do you find the strength to move forward?

"We don't see ourselves as a broken family; we're a family that's capable," Ariela emphasizes. "We didn't choose this fate, but once Hashem decided Roie's role, we became his emissaries to enhance goodness and unity in the world, spreading Roie's amazing qualities and embracing his joy and smile, which were his power to move on. A phrase he often used was, 'A smile is joy, and joy is the strength to continue.' We try to live by that."

"Another characteristic that defined Roie was his complete absence of judgment. He accepted everyone as they were. Roie would invite diverse friends to join our Shabbat meals, even those unfamiliar with Kiddush and Shabbat dinner, who later told us they continued the tradition at home, captivated by the beauty of a Shabbat table."

"We strive to adopt this trait ourselves, and thanks to him, our home has become a welcoming place. For example, we've hosted Roie's soldiers, of blessed memory, several times for a full Shabbat, creating deep connections with our family."

Isn't it hard to meet Roie's friends who've moved on while your own life seems paused?

"Of course it's difficult. Every day is filled with pain and tears; we constantly carry a longing for him. But I've chosen not to deny or escape but to embrace life. I vividly remember the moment during Shiva when I said to my family and myself, 'Our home won't become a house of mourning, but one of joy and unity.'"

"Moreover, Hashem showed us kindness, as we moved homes just a week before Roie gave his life, so he never lived in the new apartment even for a day. In hindsight, it feels like a great kindness from Hashem; speaking with other families who've lost children, I hear about the struggle to stay in homes full of memories. Many even moved because of it. For us, Roie's memory is in a non-existent house."

"In addition, our new home has a large rooftop that we've dedicated as 'Roie's Rooftop,' intended for gatherings, lessons, and most importantly, unity and joy. Shortly after the 30-day mourning period, we hosted a lecture attended by over 70 women of all backgrounds. Roie's soldiers and friends frequently visit, update us on their lives, and our connection remains vibrant. We're also in touch with the engineering school Roie attended, where the regional Bible quiz was held recently in his memory. Everyone recognizes it's a great honor to spread his light."

A Torah Scroll of Jewish Unity

But the largest event in Roie Miller's memory is undoubtedly the Torah scroll being written in his honor. "It's not just the ceremony for the Torah, which is certainly important and moving," she explains, "but the very act of writing a Torah scroll carries eternal significance, accompanying us throughout the generations. This is our true response to everything that happened, proving that the Jewish people live on."

The letters of the Torah are being written by a diverse group of people; we travel with the scribe and parchment between communities and invite participation. As my father, a Holocaust survivor, said during a ceremony, 'This is our revenge, simply by being here and writing a Torah scroll.'"

Some people's faith weakens after such tragedies, yet yours seems to strengthen. How do you explain that?

For the first time in our conversation, Ariela pauses, taking a deep breath. "It's true," she quietly admits, "but it didn't start after Roie gave his life; it began when the war erupted. Even then, I realized this event was of biblical proportions and began talking about redemption. Some people raised an eyebrow; some thought I was delusional, but I understood we were in a different dimension. Our soldiers, from all walks of life—religious, secular, and ultra-Orthodox—entered Gaza singing 'Ani Ma'amin,' with Messianic patches, praying before battles, and maintaining complete unity. This unity wasn't seen in previous wars. Is it any wonder that so many supernatural miracles occurred in Gaza? God is with us, and there's no doubt we're on the path to complete redemption."

"For me, it was natural to grow stronger in faith during this period, even starting to keep Shabbat as much as I could. Roie's older brother also strengthened in his faith, and overall, the entire nation spiritually elevated. Even in Roie's life, I called him 'my personal soldier of redemption,' as I said in the eulogy."

"Even now, after Roie is no longer with us, my choice is to lift my head and move forward. After Roie's 30-day mourning period, I also established a 'Women Who Can' group—mothers, daughters, and sisters who have experienced loss, not necessarily from the latest conflict, and who believe in merciful redemption and the resurrection of the dead, understanding that it must happen soon."