Gratitude: Why It's Hard, Why It's Important, and How to Cultivate It

Why do people so often take blessings for granted? This article explores the roots of ingratitude and practical ways to build gratitude in daily life.

Two Guests, Two Perspectives

The Talmud describes two types of guests:

• A “good guest” says: Look how much the host did for me!
• A “bad guest” says: They would have prepared the food anyway. I just happened to be here.

Same meal, same hosts, same effort — yet two entirely different perspectives. That’s the power of gratitude — or the lack of it.

Why People Resist Having Gratitude

On the surface, it seems obvious that when someone does us a favor, we should feel thankful. But often we don’t. Why?

At its root, ingratitude comes from a desire to feel independent and self-sufficient. Gratitude makes us feel indebted, even obligated, and that can bruise the ego.

Faced with that discomfort, people take one of two paths:

• The healthy path: acknowledge the kindness and feel motivated to reciprocate.
• The easy path: deny or minimize the kindness altogether.

That’s why people say things like:

• “It wasn’t really for me.”
• “It didn’t cost them much.”
• “I already helped them once, so now we’re even.”

These excuses let us avoid the “burden” of gratitude—but at the cost of honesty and growth.

From People to God

The Talmudic Sages teach that ingratitude toward people leads to ingratitude toward God. A person who can’t acknowledge human kindness will struggle to recognize that life itself is a gift.

The Torah warns against the mindset of “My own strength and the might of my hand made me this wealth” (Devarim 8:17). When things go well, it’s easy to believe success is self-made, and harder to admit dependence on God.

But Jewish life is built on the opposite. The very word Yehudi — Jew — comes from the root hoda’ah, meaning acknowledgment or gratitude. To be Jewish is to recognize gifts received and to say “thank you,” to people and to God.

Practical Steps to Cultivate Gratitude

Gratitude is not automatic — it’s something we need to train ourselves to feel and show. Here are some ways to build it into daily life:

Name the kindness. When someone helps you, say more than “thanks.” Spell out what they did: “Thank you for staying late to help me finish.” This deepens your awareness.

Keep a gratitude list. Each day, jot down three things — small or large — that you’re thankful for. Over time, this trains the mind to notice blessings.

Practice giving back. Even a small return favor reinforces the cycle of kindness and prevents resentment of dependence.

Pause before complaints. When tempted to focus on what’s missing, remind yourself of what you already have.

Frame challenges as hidden gifts. Ask: What might I be learning or gaining from this difficulty? This reframes even struggles as opportunities for growth.

The Heart of Gratitude

Gratitude isn’t just good manners. It’s the foundation of faith. As Ramban writes, the purpose of mitzvot is that we “believe in our God and acknowledge to Him that He created us.”

To live with gratitude is to live with truth: recognizing that nothing is owed to us, that everything — big and small — is a gift. When we see life this way, we live lighter, kinder, and closer to God.