A Daughter's Journey: Growing Through Adversity

The heart of the home is a mother, the center of our world. But what happens when this strong, creative woman faces a severe illness? This is the question Chani Wiesenstern, daughter of the late author Noa Barry, grapples with every day.

"Even now, people come into the store and ask if there's a new book by Noa Barry. They're shocked to learn she passed away 26 years ago," Chani recounts. "Though my mother is gone, a big part of her is still with us. It's not surprising because she was such a vibrant, talented, and well-known figure."

Surprisingly, Chani, who, like her mother, engages in similar creative pursuits, found herself confronting similar challenges 23 years after her mother's passing, when she was diagnosed with a similar illness. Now, blessedly healthy, she bravely shares her story.

Noa Barry

A Home Filled with Melody

"Mom was incredibly humorous and creative," Chani shares about her mother. "Being the eldest, I remember a childhood full of warmth and love, with a powerful mother who was always creating. I used to read her stories in newspapers and sometimes joined her performances, feeling especially embarrassed when she'd sing on stage at my school.

"Mom was involved in many fields: she was an author, wrote columns, serialized stories, and children's poetry in all the Orthodox newspapers, and published books for adults and children. She often performed solo shows combining lectures, acting, and a lot of singing long before stand-up comedy was recognized. When she was on stage, the stage came alive. She also studied parenting guidance and managed to conduct several groups, influencing dozens of mothers in her short life."

Did you also love writing and singing as a child?

"Definitely. We had a uniquely creative home. From an early age, I was writing songs, composing them, and seating all my siblings together to sing them. I wrote extensively, and read just as much, because we were avid readers. Dad also wrote and published books, some under a pen name. Music was integral too - Mom sang while Dad accompanied her on guitar and second vocals. They wrote and composed songs together.

"Unintentionally, I found myself in parallel fields to my mother's work. For over 20 years, I've been heavily involved in creativity - writing classes, lectures, musical programs, and composing.

"I also work in performance arts, dance, and singing. I DJ, run musical programs, and oversee a professional children's band. While I do different things than my mother, the source is the same: music, creativity, and writing. In addition, I work as a therapist, which began with parenting guidance studies at the same institute where Mom studied - the Gita Loifer Parent Guidance Institute, for which I am deeply grateful."

"Despite Mom's passing when I was young, I remember her saying: 'Every mom should learn parenting guidance,' which stayed with me. Yet, fundamentally, Mom was first and foremost a mother, well before any other role. Our love for motherhood was nurtured from infancy. Raising us was her lifelong dream, and her parenting studies were part of her aspiration to be the best mother."

Life Comes to a Halt

Then, amidst the busy routine, life stopped. "At 12, my mom fell ill," Chani explains, "and two years later, she passed away. As the eldest, I was responsible, always my mom’s right hand. When mom became sick, our life routine turned upside down; from a home with a set schedule and a warm lunch waiting, everything changed. Helpers flooded the house - one for cooking, another for keeping order, and another watching the little ones. As an older child, this was very challenging for me.

Twenty-three years after my mom’s passing, three years ago, I discovered my own illness. "Because I always feared and was monitored, it was detected at the earliest possible stage through imaging, allowing for a relatively short recovery, thankfully," she points out. "Everyone around me assured me my story was different from mom’s. Her diagnosis was very late; those were different times with different treatments. I was aware my resources would be entirely different - from a car, a better financial status, advanced medical knowledge, and more. But as a mother to kids exactly the age I was then, it was unbearable.

"The memories of my mom’s illness hit hard and gave me an entirely new perspective on her. I suddenly remembered how, during her illness, she kept creating, writing, and even performing. I can’t forget a school event during a remission period when she felt better. She sang Shabbat songs and performed at my school auditorium. I remember feeling so excited to see her so alive and happy.

These memories connected directly to me because I have a Bat Mitzvah performance business. Some events are scheduled up to a year in advance, my calendar is almost always full, and then - boom. Life throws a curveball, and everything needs rearranging."

How did you cope with the situation?

"As a self-employed creator, I knew genuinely stopping wasn’t an option - certainly not completely. I shared with my clients, openly discussing the diagnosis and what lay ahead, as far as I knew, and was pleasantly surprised that not a single client canceled. Everyone stayed with me through the journey... Some clients hold a particularly special place in my heart because they genuinely went through this time alongside me.

"The most surprising thing, in hindsight, is that my business not only survived but grew significantly during this period. Even during treatments, the business was lively, active, and thriving. My sweet children’s group was an inseparable part; they were my second hands, learning to set up equipment, operate the events, and dance - now some of them manage events on their own. Looking back, it was a significant step for my business - transitioning from a one-person operation to a thriving business with employees. Today, graduates from my band confidently manage Bat Mitzvahs and dances, having started their internships when I was sick...

"Thank Hashem, after a challenging half-year, it was all behind me. It's also a chance to thank Hashem immensely, for now I can reflect and share it all as a story."

Queen for a Day

On this occasion, Chani shares about her unique program: "My business is called 'Single,' a word reflecting both music and individuality. This message of uniqueness has resonated with me for many years - each person is unique, special, and talented, and my mission is to help them discover their strengths. This is a message I certainly inherited from mom – 'Find your talents, they're critical! Excel in them, become great. You have a story to tell, much to give to the world.'"

"I view my Bat Mitzvah program 'Queen for a Day' as far beyond a sparkling musical event, a dream come true for girls. When meeting a nervous mom and excited Bat Mitzvah girl for the first time, I coach them for the performance technically and emotionally.

"The program content is thoughtfully crafted; although I write music naturally, I also do so as a therapist attentive to the intricate nuances of adolescence.

"It's a constant joy to see girls arriving with challenges, insecurities, and ultimately singing, dancing, and performing joyfully for all family and friends. The glowing eyes of the girl and the tears in the mother’s eyes are the utmost reward.

"I'm often moved by reactions from guests unfamiliar with our faith and practices. They're consistently surprised by the blend of professionalism and meaningful content. I'm unsure why society is still surprised that Orthodox girls can portray artistry and professionalism."

Finally, Chani recounts a touching story during the war period. "A mother reached out to tell me that although their family traditionally celebrates Bat Mitzvahs modestly, she wanted to gift her daughter something special.

"Several months earlier, her daughter had been caught in a terrorist attack near Bnei Brak, undergoing a harrowing ordeal fleeing from a terrorist. She was saved by entering a random house, blessedly surviving, but suffered deep emotional trauma. She didn't leave the house for a month, requiring long-term emotional therapy. For her Bat Mitzvah, her mom dreamed of an event both grateful and deeply affirmative." "It was an unforgettable event. The warmth, excitement, and love surrounding that girl - especially when she hugged me, telling me it was the perfect day in the world. I hope to always bring joy, whether through music or other talents Hashem has granted me, and may we use our gifts to offer only goodness and kindness."