Unmasking Toxic Work Environments: How to Recognize and Respond

"Are you experiencing humiliation or devaluation at work? Are responsibilities being stripped from you? Does your manager refuse direct communication? Are your successes being credited to others? Is someone out to sabotage your efforts? Is vital information withheld from you, or are you excluded from meetings or work groups?"

Eitan Meiri lists these questions in succession as part of a comprehensive questionnaire he developed to diagnose workplace bullying. The second part of the questionnaire addresses physical symptoms often noticed among those enduring such conditions.

"It is a well-known and widespread phenomenon," Meiri clarifies, "as at least one in three workers in Israel will encounter workplace bullying during their career. Every year, thousands more Israelis join the ranks of those whose lives are turned upside down due to workplace bullying."

For those who find these statistics exaggerated, it’s likely they are unfamiliar with the phenomenon firsthand. "When I first raised this issue, people around me claimed I was exaggerating and making things up," Meiri notes, "but over the years, awareness has increased, and the issue appears more often in court, with unprecedented rulings on workplace bullying."

This recognition is in part due to Meiri's extensive advocacy. "For years, I worked as an organizational consultant and psychologist for companies," he explains. "I recognized irrational dynamics created by senior management who damaged themselves and their organizations by mistreating employees. Yet, the organization's leaders often turned a blind eye, allowing terrible acts to go unchallenged, and sometimes even rewarded."

A Normal Reaction to an Abnormal Situation

To illustrate, Meiri shares examples from his bestselling book, "Workplace Bullying."

One story involves an employer who "targeted" an employee with impossible tasks, shouted at her, humiliated her publicly, and unjustly blamed her for unrelated mistakes.

In another instance, an employee was subjected to outbursts from his boss from day one. "Whenever the boss was displeased, he’d speak harshly, shout, and make it personal — always aiming to humiliate."

There are also tales of unreasonable demands, such as an employer demanding 24/7 availability despite defined work hours. The employee was tasked with demeaning chores, scrutinized for every move, and even criticized for taking more than two minutes in the bathroom or a half-hour lunch break.

Maya, a woman in her 40s working in the public sector, met with Meiri and underwent the assessment. The next day she wrote to him:

"I feel like yesterday I opened a wound I've been ignoring for months. Filling out your questionnaire shocked me. I was convinced I was going crazy, thinking something was wrong with me. So much self-doubt, self-criticism and anger directed inward.

Suddenly, after reading the questionnaire, I started realizing that what I'm experiencing is due to the situation, not my mental state. It's not that I can't handle things; I actually went through something very challenging."

Meiri sighs as he clarifies: "These aren't rare instances but occur frequently in many workplaces, prompting me to explore this phenomenon. I quickly learned it's widely recognized globally, but in our country, it’s rarely discussed, and it lacks an official term."

When he first began his campaign, Meiri coined the term "the silent epidemic at the workplace," which he later replaced with "workplace bullying," a term he considers most accurate. Many who, unfortunately, experience it affirm that 'bullying' precisely encapsulates their feelings.

Silently Suffering

"Just thinking about the issue reveals its critical importance," Meiri says. "Most of us spend forty years or more in the workplace. Cumulatively, this time surpasses that with family or friends. It’s unacceptable for anyone’s life to be ruined by a boss or colleagues choosing to bully them."

But why does it happen? What explains the existence of workplace bullying?

"It can stem from various reasons, such as managerial incompetence leading to power being wielded forcefully and manipulatively. Often, untrained managers instill fear among employees, contributing to the problem. Other reasons include jealousy, pettiness, and a critical need to diminish others to feel superior."

Meiri emphasizes these factors generally cause dissatisfaction at work, but only in extreme cases do they escalate to bullying. "In extreme scenarios, narcissistic individuals exert a compulsive need to diminish and bully subordinates, believing it essential for their survival."

The consequences are severe, reaching terrible extremes. "Some suffer physical repercussions, like autoimmune diseases, and require hospitalization. Families fall apart, and individuals rely on medication for anxiety and sleep disorders. Such continuous, intense stress harms quality of life and health, both physically and mentally. Extreme cases of bullying can irreparably damage lives."

Why don’t employees simply report this?

"Employees often hesitate to complain fearing job loss," Meiri explains. "Consider a father supporting a large family who needs his salary for sustenance and mortgage payments, or someone resigned to thinking: 'That's how it is in the working world—harsh and unkind.'

"In some cases, constant disparagement leads the employee to internalize failure, even feeling grateful for employment despite the abuse. It might take a long time to recognize it as bullying, while in the meantime, they lose self-esteem, social connections, and even health. Under such circumstances, they become incapable of securing a new job. Personally, I've heard of candidates breaking down in tears during job interviews when asked, 'Why did you leave?' and who wants to hire a crying applicant?

"Thus, when people consult me, we discuss the severe symptoms they report—tingling hands, eye twitches, mouth ulcers, sleeplessness... and I tell them the most crucial message: 'You are normal; your responses are normal to an abnormal situation.' It’s vital for these workers to realize they're not at fault, enabling them to think about handling their predicament and moving forward."

There are usually others at the workplace. How can they remain silent?

Meiri quotes from his book, sharing a story about Nikita Khrushchev, General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union, who in 1956 delivered a speech condemning his predecessor, Stalin, for cruelty and crimes. When a voice from the audience questioned why Khrushchev himself had remained silent beside Stalin, he demanded, "Who said that?!" Silence ensued. After a tense pause, Khrushchev remarked, "Now you understand why I was silent."

With Empathy and Validation

So, what can actually be done?

"The good news is there's a lot to be done," Meiri insists. "Addressing the issue early makes resolution easier. There's much that can be done personally, organizationally, and legally. However, as a last resort, I recommend approaching the courts, as many steps can be taken beforehand."

Like what?

"First and foremost, seek professional advice to avoid isolation in the matter. Many talented individuals mistakenly strive to appease those who harm them or retract into depression. Consulting provides practical tools to genuinely assist them."

"Personally, I developed the 'EITAN Model,' using tools according to the Hebrew acronym אִיתָן: 'Empathy'—avoiding criticism; 'Hope'—believing in a brighter future; 'Validation'—acknowledging a difficult reality but assuring they’re not alone; and 'Normalization'—affirming the issue’s commonality. They aren’t alone."

"After utilizing these tools, many decide to leave their job. Sometimes the decision is to remain, but with a wise strategy."

Are you optimistic? Do you think your efforts will lead to improvement?

"This is, of course, a process yielding small victories along the way. Over the years, I've shared my lectures with over 30,000 individuals which undeniably impacts awareness. Precedent-setting court cases and organizational practices have emerged to prevent bullying initially. While it’s not perfect, much work remains. Unlike when I began advocacy and responses were 'this doesn’t exist,' today the consensus is it does exist, and prevention is crucial."

Here’s a call to anyone reading this: 'If you see someone suffering from bullying, don't dismiss them. Extend a hand, be attentive, and help extricate them from suffering before it's too late.'